In being at the end of my tether with ds? (Toilet issues.)

[bigflowerdog]

Name changed for this as people on here know me irl but I've been around for ages and promise I'm not a weird poo perve.

DS is nearly 6 and just started school this September. He's been fully potty trained since he was about 2.5 (I think, around then anyway) with no issues.

He's just started pooing himself everyday! Sometimes twice a day. It's been about 2 weeks now. We've been very gentle and understanding but yesterday it ashamed to say I got pretty angry with him. I realised he had poo all over his hands and clothes and was just carrying on as normal! He got really upset and obviously I felt like a very shitty parent.

He's also been hiding his pooey pants in places.

Today I got a call from his teacher, he's done it at school. Is this something I should take him to a doctor about? Could it be a physical thing? I yet can't see how or why it would be psychological.

The other kids are going to start to notice, it's a small community, people remember things kids did 30 years ago. He'll forever be the kid that used to shit himself.

Anyone ever experienced this? Ugh. My patience is wearing really thin with it but I want to be as gentle as possible, going in full steam clearly won't help, especially if it isn't a medical thing.

Could be a kind of IBS by the sound of it. He could be getting urges to poo that he cant do anything about. I would take him to the doctors. Do completely understand your frustration however!

He’s almost certainly very constipated. This will be the overflow and leakage. See the Gp for medicine. Don’t discipline him for it, he can’t help it.

There must be a reason, whether physical or emotional. Personally I would start by organising some time just the two of you, a walk or a trip to the park or out for an ice cream etc. See if he will open up at all. Make a non-issue of accidents, he shouldn’t feel he has to hide them at home. See what comes up...

Adding to that, maybe a nervous thing since starting school? Is he confident usually or no?

Yes checking how often he goes normally is a good idea as could be constipation issue.

I'm not disciplining him. I just got cross yesterday. I know that makes me an asshole.

But he had shit ALL OVER his hands and clothes. And just wasn't bothered. It was on the floor, his toys. It was over an hour to clean up.

I'll try to get a doctors appointment for this afternoon.

There definitely is a reason if he has suddenly started doing this. Any big changes recently? Have you spoken to the school to see if anything has happened, any minor incidents?
Take him to the gp as well.

9 times out of 10 this is a sign of severe constipation. Get to the GP tomorrow. You might find it useful to do some reading on here www.eric.org.uk

I've spoken to the school, I'm good friends with his teachers so it's nothing that they've seen or noticed. No big changes, apart from school.

constipation causes leakage and reduces sensation of needing to go.
GP, movicol, and the school needs to let him go whenever he feels the urge so he doesn't get into the habit of holding on.

It is a pyschological AND a physical issue. It is not lack of effort on your son's part. Unfortunately the school set up where children are encouraged to wait until after lessons and then have to use school toilets can be disastrous for someone with a problem of this sort. They will be deeply humiliated and desperately not trying to draw attention to themselves, and after at bit in denial that they even need to go.

He has had three stomach bugs in the last couple of months. When no other kids have seemed to have them.

They actually have a toilet attached to their classroom so he can use that in the mornings. They have different subjects in different classrooms in the afternoon though, with all different teachers. That could be part of the problem.

When you say "stomach bugs" what were the symptoms? Vomiting? That's another sign of severe constipation. You should take him to the GP right away. There could be something seriously wrong.

My Mum went through this with me............

I hated hated hated the school toilets. They were always smelly, the seats were wet/dirty and I'd go all day without using them.... meaning that I either wet or pooed myself on a daily basis. My Mum said she dreamed of the day I'd come home wearing my own pants and not the school emergency ones

There is a reason why he's doing this - start by ruling out the physical with your GP, then have a chat to the teacher. They will have a lot of experience of this.

The ERIC website has some excellent advice on this issue and is well worth a read.

www.eric.org.uk/pages/category/bowel-problems

The main issue is to not be cross with him. I know it's frustrating but he isn't doing this because he wants to and telling him off is only going to make it worse, especially if his issues are anxiety related.

Speak to your GP as he may need Movicol or Laxido to help with the problem. If he's constipated or withholding poo the build up can numb the nerve endings associated with the urge to 'go' so then he doesn't realise and either soils or carries on withholding, this then compounds the problem as he becomes scared he will have an accident or passing a hardened poo hurts so he withholds even more. Leakage then becomes a problem. It's an awful cycle. These medications help break that cycle by keeping poo soft and encouraging the urge to go, they're low dose so not laxatives and are safe for long term use if need be, they won't make his bowel lazy.

Other things that might help are encouraging him to sit on the toilet at regular intervals 2-3 times a day, not specifically to try poo just to sit as part of developing regularity and overcome any anxiety around it. Speak to school about having a toilet plan there for him (e.g., a toilet pass so he doesn't need to ask to be excused). Have a lidded box or small bin next to the laundry basket for him to put soiled clothes in, no shame and no questions asked, rather than him hiding them.

I would also avoid anything with apple or orange juice/or flavoured. The salicyates used to cause problems for my son - could some foods be causing a bad reaction? Often their favourite foods are the culprits. Plain water not fruit juice. A diet with some fibre helps the bowel regulate too. My son was a fan of beige food with not much fibre (so plain pasta, rice, dairy) and I'm sure that made it worse - his propensity to not notice he needed to go..

I feel your pain OP. I have been there with both my sons. It sounds very much like encopresis (constipation + overflow). The Eric website a PP mentioned is helpful (for both you and your son) and you should speak to your GP. The treatment can be long (around a year of taking Movicol for us) but it can be solved. Once you know what it is and are doing something about it, it is easier not to lose your rag about it (which I did a lot out of sheer frustration).

OP I just want to give you an un-MN hand hold & hug.
A long time ago we had toiletting issues, and I tried really hard not to let it get to me and not to get cross. But it IS really hard- especially when it's been ok before.

Don't feel bad about anything you said or did- we're all human.

Def see medical help & advice.

GP visit.

Yes don’t feel bad. You’re human !

It’s odd that he’s not bothered about being covered in poo at 6 years old. What does he say about it all?

DD2,wet the bed on and off until13. I sometimes got cross. It just stopped happening. With poo I think as he’s had bugs there might be something that a GP can help with. He might not be getting an urge.

I don't think it is odd. They genuinely don't know what to do, and just block it out. And you don't find your own bodily functions as horrid as other people do! I think they just disassociate from it all and try and pretend it isn't happening.

'I yet can't see how or why it would be psychological.'

He just started school. Unlikely to be a coincidence. A fair few kids don't deal with the change well.

GP, especially with the sudden onset AND the 3 "bugs" in the last couple of months. It sounds a lot like IBS. I wouldn't take him off anything until he has been seen by the doctors if he's not having any pains, otherwise they won't be able to see your point. (Disclaimer: I do not recommend this if there is an apparent physical discomfort). Failing physical explanation, this would warrant an exploration with a therapist.