Wanting to time-limit visits from family?

[Cloudyyy]

Context: family live 2 hour drive away and for many reasons, prefer to visit us. They don’t appreciate our young children in their home and don’t like cooking for us. When we do visit then, we usually stay in hotels nearby and “pop” in. When they causing us, they insist on staying at ours because they can’t find anything suitable for them (they have a very long list of requirements) and moan about absolutely everywhere they’ve ever stayed. It’s stressful having them here because their lifestyle is so at odds with ours. For example, they get up late and stay up eating big dinners into the night. We hate this and are early morning people - as are the kids. They comment on everything in a negative way and I find it thoroughly exhausting having them here. They expect lavish meals throughout the day, sit indoors for hours on end and cannot sense when they’ve overstayed their welcome and it’s time to go.

Dilemma: We’re having a family celebration on a Saturday in November and they want to stay at our place. I’ve told them that they’re welcome to stay Friday/ Saturday but we’re in work Monday morning so they’ll have to go Sunday morning. They want to travel him on the Monday because it’ll be “too exhausting” going the Sunday so they’re now expecting a big roast on the Sunday too. I have explained we’re in work but apparently that doesn’t matter because it’s family so time with them IS relaxing 😬.

Would I be unreasonable to insist on a hotel Sunday night for them?? Is that rude? Or are they rude expecting to stay on a work and school night?

For those asking, DB doesn’t have a spare room!

Tell them to go out and get some at the shop nearby - how rude they are

I wouldn't allow them to go through my cupboards either

Wow! They are awful. I would have flyers for local Airbnb ready on hand for exactly that kind of shit!

Good luck saying no💐

Please fix something in your diary for Sunday afternoon before they call. You're going for lunch with friends, right? If you don't like lying, call your friends in the morning and suggest a pub lunch.

They are ridiculous! No reason at all to come for two nights, let alone 3. Not for a 2 hour drive.

Good luck, OP!

When they call, make it clear they have to leave by 11:30 Sunday morning as you have to get ready to leave to “Go to Claire’s for lunch at 1:00.” and won’t be home until late.

Id ring now and say it dosnt work having them stay. They could claim they forgot to ring or something came up and guilt you into having them stay. Stick to your guns. Dont let them talk you round or guilt you into anything

My FiL has a great line with people he wants to leave “I’ll not keep you any longer, you’ll be wanting your tea” .

They sat there all day with a big glass of tap water, repeatedly saying how much they “would've liked a coffee really” over and over and over again. When their phones went, they loudly told several friends “we’re visiting Cloudyyy.. having to drink tap water. Terrible shame”. I felt awful!!!!

How fucking rude of her! Please stand up to them. I would take the call tomorrow and just keep repeating that it’s not convenient for them to come that weekend and you’ll see them at the party. They can and should just drive down then go home again. You do not have to host them.

@Cloudyyy You are too nice.
You should be sitting there thinking what fecking ingrates they were rather than feeling bad.

Oh you don't have a spare room currently as you are helping a friend out who is temporary using it 😆

They'll ring tomorrow 'to discuss'??? Discuss what?! Any normal person would just be booking a hotel instead, or more to the point, just drive to the party and back on the same day! Stay strong on this one OP!

I can't believe you even have to ask 😲
what sane person would put up with that?

All that should never have been allowed Tom happen, you’re not ‘keeping the peace’, you’re having the piss taken out of you, just dismiss them, laugh at their demands ‘hm? No, I’m not making food./haha! £45 for second dinner? Good one!/we aren’t free that day, never mind, eh./nah we won’t be having any visitors on the weekend/if you call in for an hour, bring food for us all, since I won’t be cooking of course, see you later./aw, we all have explosive diarrhoea, see you in between queuing for the shitter.’

You’re bringing this on yourself at this point, wise up.

‘While cheeky bastard1 is cooking for us all (since chose to let you invade our home) cheeky bastard2 can make up your bed. The kids will be in in the morning to tell you all about their favourite YouTube videos, no doubt, you can take them to the leisure centre at 8am, I’ll pack their bags for you, so you can get the most out of family time with them’

For those asking, DB doesn’t have a spare room!

I’d be turning yours into a gym pronto!

Well done on putting your foot down! Stick to your guns tomorrow and don't back down at all, if you agree to one night, they'll say they may as well stay 2 etc etc...

Good luck!

OP

Boundaries, get some!

You felt awful because they were having an utterly ridiculous huff and so you capitulated?

How on earth do you cope with parenting small children if you cave in the face of sulks and them telling people you are a big meanie?

Nope, not rude. We have a strict rule - no guest stays longer than 2 nights. We ask our family to arrive after 4pm in a Friday and expect them to be gone Sunday morning. People have tried to flex the rules but, because we both work from home, I can reinforce that we must be undistracted from 9am-6pm Monday to Friday.

Donating all my assertiveness to you OP. Do not allow your weekend to be ruined by these horrifically rude 'guests', parent or not!

This makes me so glad I can be honest and upfront with my parents and in laws.

Amount of times I have left them awake downstairs when I go to bed explaining how to turn stuff off. They all also insist on paying for food. I really cant believe that anyones parent/s behave like this.

OP has your dad always been like this or has the SM turned him to her way of thinking? If it's the latter perhaps a one to one conversation with him about how difficult they make it for you?

If gp stay here then they get the gc knocking on the door in the morning shouting let me in... they dont complain cause its the one reason they visit.

Agree with others, stop pandering to them, dont let them stay or If you really have to go about your business and if they make rude comments about coffee tell them they know where the kettle is etc etc

If they moan about your home reply "no one asked you to stay, if you dont like it then stay somewhere else".

Just be rude back and dont feel awful if they loudly make comments, they are grown adults staying in someone else's house. Your house your rules.

I'm honestly surprised that you'd want them to stay at all! I wouldn't if they behaved like this. They're abusing your good nature and being so rude that I'd be tempted to say: if this isn't convenient for you, then please find alternative accommodation and then let them dig a hole. Just expect them to lay it on about being pensioners and "family".

2hrs away isn't that far... Do they even need to come down a day before? / Stay a day after?