AIBU. Please be honest and not unnecessarily brutal

[Namechangeperquesta]

Will try to be brief. Married to an older man for a decade now and he has a son from his first marriage. We've built a comfortable life together (married IN community of property, not sure if its named the same in other countries). Sadly my husbands health is not great and while i think he'll be just fine with the right medical care, he's all doom and gloom and talking of dying :( we've been in the process of doing nice little modern upgades and renovations to our homes but we've put it on hold. Im reluctant to spend anymore money because i only recently ( silly me) found out that in the event he passes on and doesn't have a will i MUST part with half (or some) of our properties as his half will then go to his son. AIBU? Ive put love, care, my heart and soul into our homes, not to mention half of MY MONEY, only to part with my homes one day. How does it work in the UK?

I should also mention his son is 35, very well off and independent. His mom however keeps asking if his dad has drawn up a will. She has nothing. Sqaundered everything from divorce so she's a bit bitter

Also hubby doesn't like the thought of drawing up a will. Very superstitious. He believes the 'living ' will sort things out :(

Does he not have a will, or want to make one?

I think I would expect at least some of your husbands estate to go to his son, half seems fair.

If he expects you to stay with him he needs to write a will. I think I'd leave, it doesn't sound like you have much of a life.

It's always a good idea to have a will. Dying intestate can cause a lot of difficulties and having a will is your only way to ensure one's wishes are respected.

What country are you in, OP?

If he keeps saying he'll die but wont make a will I would be tempted to start divorce proceedings and leave him to sort out his own affairs. I think you're right not to put any more money in to the property.

You can make a will online, may seem less superstitious than going to an office to do so? But his son should get some of his estate too, I think half is probably fair myself??

Im from Denmark so maby this is no help..
my dh has 2 adult kids and i have two teenagers. We made a Will, that mean all 4 kids Will split all, when the last of us is dead. That mean that if he die before me, i Can stay on the farm, and The other Way round.
Only fair deal. This is our farm, we Secure eachother first. They Can all share, when we are not here anymore.

You need to tell us if you’re in England or Scotland etc as the law differs between them

Oh I've just sent that it's his entire half, sorry. I don't think that's fair, no. I do think it's silly not to have a will though.

Are the properties in joint names? I’d make sure they aren’t solely in his. I’d get proper legal advice on your own so you know where you stand.

Missed your last post.
Then whatever the rules for intestacy are, in your country, it's his wish that those should be followed.

Does he know what those rules are, or does he not want to know?

He’s being ridiculous and selfish. You need to tell him firmly that he either makes a will which sets out some security for you and allows you to know where you stand (and are at least able to keep your own property) or you want to sell everything you own a share of so that you can facilitate your own security.

And crucially, you have to mean this and be fully prepared to follow through with it, getting a court order for sale of joint property if you must.

Yes where are you probate law varies
The real issue though is he won’t make a will (but some should go to his son but nothing to ex wife)

He needs to write a will.

Why did you marry an older man with children without sorting that out?

Tell him - he’s being selfish to expect you to deal with it after his death. The kind and loving thing to do is sort it now, and tell his son his wishes.

You need proper legal advice appropriate to the country you're in. You need to fully understand the current ownership of the properties and the impact of your country's intestacy rules.

@Happityhap I'm working on it

@Janus Yes, everything we own are in both of our names

Sounds like you need to encourage him to make a will or at least sign something to confirm the funds that you contributed to try and protect this from the estate.

If he is aware of how you will be left if/when he passes without a will and is happy with it then you have your answer it seems.
Maybe he doesn't want to make a will because he is happy with how it will work out when he passes and he wont need to deal with the fall out of it.

I would be probing deeper in to his reason behind not wanting a will. Hardly bad luck, we are all going to die some day!!

@Dogisout Yes i would be just fine with that as we also have a young son so ideally when we're both gone the 2 boys will share

So make it so. Only sensible Way . Or i would leave.

And i wish you all the Best . Forgot to say