Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you - pre teen sleepover related

105 replies

iwantavuvezela · 31/10/2019 23:57

So my DD is having a sleepover - all girls, 12-13 years old. I’m used to a big sleepover , grin and bear it! Earlier I prepared pre trick and treat snacks, then made them a meal, they went out trick and treating, then watched a movie.
However I have just gone down to find that some of her friends have taken it upon themselves to start cooking pasta and a sauce! I don’t know why but I feel annoyed!

I would never expect that my DD would do this at someone’s house - and feel strangely put out by this. AIBU? Genuinely asking!

OP posts:
Catzembalmers · 01/11/2019 00:06

Honestly, I'd be pleased that they felt comfortable in my home but I'm very much "make yourself at home" with any visiting teens. In the next few years, I would prefer my DD and her friends to be hanging out in our house where I know they're safe Halloween Wink than worrying where they are and what they're doing.

I would be reminding them to leave the kitchen as they found it though!

Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 01/11/2019 00:14

Thank you catz perhaps that’s the perspective I needed -

OP posts:
Kaddm · 01/11/2019 00:18

Odd
Did you feed them a tiny meal??
I think I would feel the same as you if my dds friends did that. I mean you wouldn’t go round an adult friend’s house and do that would you?!

RoseMartha · 01/11/2019 00:19

I would be put out yes. Were your dc cooking also? I would at least expect them to ask especially as money is tight for me and they would be using food I had budgeted for later in the week.

Maybe next time you need to say upfront that if they are hungry later on for proper food and not just snacks you have provided that they ask you before helping themselves.

managedmis · 01/11/2019 00:21

Did they ask you?

Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 01/11/2019 00:23

No not a tiny meal - pre Halloween snacks, then a proper meal when the cane back from trick and treating, followed by piles of sweets after dinner.
I guess the girls that started cooking are not friends I know very well ( new secondary school friends) - so they are not familiar with our house or me (met them perhaps 2-3 times at most) - I agree with you it’s not something I would do in another adults house, and it took me aback when I went downstairs to see them happily cooking! Perhaps friends I had known for years who had been here many times before, I would feel differently. I would be taken aback if my dd said she did this at someone’s house.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 01/11/2019 00:25

No, they took it upon themselves to do this. My dd came to tell me, she seemed a little alarmed and unsure what to do!

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 01/11/2019 01:17

I can totally see why you’re feeling a bit off about it but I do think that actually that’s a really lovely atmosphere for them all. It’s very sort of camping out at so and so’s - they’re 13, they don’t think about the bigger picture. I would assume they’d asked DD who went oh yeah totally go ahead. See it as nice and then pretending to have a grown up, flat share vibe which is what I bet they think, even though it’s irritating!

pugparty · 01/11/2019 07:36

YANBU it's rude and a bit presumptious. They don't know your family plans/budget and how that would affect you. I would also be concerned about any burning/fire risks from children using the kitchen without me. If they were my own and I knew they could be trusted fair enough but not strangers. I'd be making it clear to them that they need to ask me before helping themselves to food and cooking equipment in future.

Endoftethermum1 · 01/11/2019 07:39

That would annoy me too. I’d wonder if they were truly hungry or just showing off a bit to friends?

Northernsoullover · 01/11/2019 07:40

I think its bloody cheeky. Unless your daughter instigated it? If she didn't they went through your cupboards and decided to help themselves. That's rude. I feel really at home at my mothers house but I still wouldn't cook myself a meal.

LucileDuplessis · 01/11/2019 07:42

I have a 12yo DD and I would have felt a bit taken aback too OP! But I guess it's not a big deal really. At least it was pasta and not the steak you were saving for a special meal!

MissMarpletheMurderer · 01/11/2019 07:45

12/13 year olds would not be thinking of family budgets, I don't see it as showing off either just different house rules.
I do think for next time you should set down clear rules and probably leave something out to eat later. We used to bake cakes at people's house at sleepovers.

Inforthelonghaul · 01/11/2019 07:47

Nope it’s rude and in a year or two they’ll be helping themselves to any alcohol they can find and that won’t be ok either.

You don’t simply help yourself to things you haven’t been told you can eat/drink without checking first. Not when you’re a child, teenager or adult, it’s just rude and disrespectful!

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 01/11/2019 07:55

YANBU - that displays very poor manners on their part.

LynetteScavo · 01/11/2019 08:01

At that age it would annoy me. I would insist they left the kitchen as they found it.

11 yo's usually gab biscuits or crisps or yogurt at midnight if they want food, and send the person who lives in the house to get it, not start cooking for themselves!

However, if they were 16/17 and I'd known them for years it wouldn't bother me, but then they're much more likely to load the dishwasher and wash up.

I'd guess this was one girls idea (you need to find out who for future reference) and I'd bet she has older siblings who do this sort thing.

Perunatop · 01/11/2019 08:03

Just be glad they haven't decided to try your gin/vodka. Cooking is fine.

ooooohbetty · 01/11/2019 08:06

Bad manners. Obviously poorly brought up. Or just chancing her arm to see if she could get away with it. I wouldn't have said anything though.

Broken11Girl · 01/11/2019 08:21

Very rude, not about feeling at home at all, teens can feel comfortable in a friend's house and still observe basic politeness like asking not helping themselves to food. They should have thought you would have planned that for a meal one day and may be on a budget, as pp said. Also dangerous, they shouldn't be cooking unsupervised. I don't understand why they'd be hungry at midnight after snacks, a meal and Halloween treats at allConfused Teens are bottomless pits but if they really were some toast, crackers, yoghurt, fruit etc should have done it but they should have asked. Inclined to agree with the pps who said they wanted to feel grown-up. I wouldn't invite them back.

SureTry · 01/11/2019 08:24

Definitely bad manners. I'm sure they wouldn't do it if they were at their own homes. I can only guess your poor DD might have felt pressured to let them do it.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/11/2019 08:28

It was probably for a midnight feast, children that age are often bottomless pits and there's something about a mass sleepover that requires late night food. Maybe next time leave them some bits out eg loaf of bread to toast/fruit loaf, jam, peanut butter etc or things to make toasties or nachos, popcorn that needs popping (microwave not hot oil kind)etc. I was quite able to make those kinds of things at that age so don't think there's any risk involved.

MissMarpletheMurderer · 01/11/2019 08:32

Regards safety they are 13 not 3. Mine at 13 are much safer making hot foods that the drunk university kids I have the pleasure -contracted obligation- of dealing with.

Wildorchidz · 01/11/2019 08:35

Also dangerous, they shouldn't be cooking unsupervised.

What ???
They are 13 not 3!!!

W0rriedMum · 01/11/2019 08:38

I don't know why but I'd be put out. Maybe because it implies I haven't provided enough for dinner/supper?
The flip side is that it's nice that they're independent though and not relying on others to serve them.

Loopytiles · 01/11/2019 08:38

Bad manners of the girls.

I wouldn’t say anything, would speak to DD afterwards about options for handling situations like this.