Would this annoy you - pre teen sleepover related

[iwantavuvezela]

So my DD is having a sleepover - all girls, 12-13 years old. I’m used to a big sleepover , grin and bear it! Earlier I prepared pre trick and treat snacks, then made them a meal, they went out trick and treating, then watched a movie.
However I have just gone down to find that some of her friends have taken it upon themselves to start cooking pasta and a sauce! I don’t know why but I feel annoyed!

I would never expect that my DD would do this at someone’s house - and feel strangely put out by this. AIBU? Genuinely asking!

Id be a bit gob smacked to discover my kids doing this, but perhaps they didn't like the food for dinner. It's a bit presumptuous and cheeky but if they clean up then I guess no harm done.

I wouldn't invite them back.

They are her daughter’s friends. When mine were young teens our house was open to all of their friends.

I'm a bit take aback by the comments saying 12/13 yo shouldn't be cooking unsupervised. Our DD is 12 and can cook fairly well. I haven't felt the need to supervise either of my DC in the kitchen for a very long while. If they need assistance, they ask.

I wouldn’t like this. I think the fact that they have just done it without asking you is very off. Did your DD tell them it was okay? I think you need to speak to her: it would be different if she said It was ok as they would take her word for it.

I would find it odd , what happened to ‘wait until you are offered’ very rude to ask . On the other hand 23 year olds can be impetuous and they were probably high on sugar😊

I’m not sure that all 12/13 year olds would see this as rude actually, especially as your daughter was there and didn’t say anything.
I can understand you feeling a bit put out, but it is just pasta and sauce. It’s not like they helped themselves to leftovers or premade food. I completely understand that being more than some people can spare, but I don’t think the average preteen would think like that.
Let it go, and maybe mention next time that you’ve left X Y and Z out for if they get hungry (bread, cereal etc) and you’d rather they didn’t cook anything in the night. X

They took it upon themselves & your DD was a bit alarmed?
So they either totally helped themselves OR Asked your DD & she couldn’t really refuse? Either way I think it’s rude. Especially at midnight.
It’s interesting though as I wouldn’t mind my girls doing this ‘with’ friends at our house. Even at midnight providing they cleaned up & were quiet. But the ‘with’ is very important!! I’d be mortified if mine suggested this at someone else’s house though.

The question isdid they clean up @iwantavuvezela?

12/13 is a perfectly normal age to cook unsupervised. People on MN don’t let there kids cook at all and then have to make them learn how to cook pasta when there 18/19 and going to uni.

I wouldn’t be put out all but I’m a very relaxed person when it comes to things like this. I mean they weren’t exactly using expensive ingredients so I wouldn’t think they were being cheeky.

I think it’s slightly weird that they didn’t ask but maybe they feel comfortable in your home?

As long as they cleaned up I'dbe okay with it, I know some teens/DC are hungrier than others.
After DDs last group sleepover aged 10 to 11, I said no more.

They did clean up. I am going to ask DD how it transpired. To be fair it was only a basic pasta, and I am not worried about them wanting or needing more food - they could easily have had some bread, crackers etc, it just felt odd to come downstairs very late to find someone I hardly know cooking!!!!
. I am going to speak to DD when everyone is gone to see what she said and her role in this. She looked quite taken aback - there is some weird power play with this group of friends as well.

I would guess that at 13 they have been to other houses where they all get together and cook for themselves.

It is a fun, social group activity.

I wouldn’t see it as rude. And I doubt they were cooking a complicated or expensive sauce?

I wouldn’t see it as rude.

It sounds as if they all had a lovely night. Teens would get peckish again after going out T/T ing and then watching a movie.

Don’t take it personally, or me territorial about your kitchen. If the teens feel at home at your home you have a head start in dealing with lots of potential teen year issues.

Give your Dd a few phrases to use if she feels uncomfortable about anything.

I would be happy they are cracking on for a snack instead of bothering you. They surely must have asked your DD who said it was fine? Would you be mad if they made toast or a sandwich also?

@iwantavuvezela How did it go? If some ot new to group your DD may have felt awkward. It is a tricky age.
Some of our invitees were new, one lived in an apartment so had no stairs, she removed duvets to ride the stairs at 2am.
All barred unless in one's.

It's cheeky. It might only be Pasta and sauce to some people but for many on a strict budget it is one meal gone out of the week and when spending on this to feed your kids it's unaceptable. Whatever happened to manners while staying in someone else's house?

Nope I’ve read the thread and still think it’s rude. Had your daughter cooked for her friends that’s fine but someone queen beeing it and behaving like they are hosting is not on. You don’t know them or how good they are in the kitchen either. They could easily have damaged something and at that point I’m sure they’d all have backed away.

No one is entitled to cook in my kitchen other than me and my family. My home my rules.

The OP already paid for a meal for all the girls plus sweets. I assume they will also eat breakfast. That for many would be expensive without the extra cost of them deciding to cook extras. It's completely rude.

This would not go down well in our house. We have a food budget and meal plan and they could well be eating something that's supposed to be our dinner!
I think it's rude not to ask.
I don't mind a midnight snack but I'd expect them to get cereal, toast, crackers and cheese or something.

I would find that very odd but also determine whether they asked her and what sort of friends they are.

I would think perfectly normal! Mine are still too young for sleepovers but from my own sleepover days we always would have cooked in each other’s house - mainly a frozen pizza. We are all still friends now so obviously we would have been known to the parents.
Honestly I would prefer my dds to have their friends at our house when they are older so I don’t have to worry about them out on the street !

Bad manners. It’s not a wonderful example of independence, it’s rude and entitled.

Giveme allthegin. I would be perfectly happy for my DS and his friends to cook their own pizza etc of that was what I had bought in and budgeted for for their meal. I would be extremely angry if they theneed chose to cook a second meal later which was budget red for another family meal. That's the difference.

This isn't something I've encountered as yet, as my DDs are only 10 and 7, so I'm not sure how I would feel about this. I don't think it would bother me, as long as I knew I could trust the friends to be responsible and not accidentally start a fire, but then we're not not on a strict budget.

They should have asked first, which I would point out to the DD whose sleepover party it was, but then leave it at that as long as they left the kitchen as they found it.

Only on MN would anyone see this as normal behaviour.

Of course it is odd, I’d be having words with anyone who came in to my house and did this. This crap about “oh at least they feel comfortable” where does that end? Helping themselves to OP’s make up? Tucking themselves up in OP’s bed?

They are rude houseguests who should have been dealt with at the time.

Cooking without host mother's permission is not right. But cooking food at 12/13 with friends is really fun. I did at sleep over at that age, cooked pancakes for breakfast at friends house at that age. As for cooking pasta, my preteen is totally capable of cooking pasta including sauce on their own.