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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A Mil Christmas One- sorry

123 replies

Freddymurky · 31/10/2019 17:22

Before I start let me clarify that I adore my MIL and I’m honestly not slagging her off.
She has one annoying habit though and it’s gotten to the point where I’m struggling to hold my tongue....
Every Christmas she waits for me to shop for DH and the kids and then takes some of my presents to give to them from her because she can’t be arsed getting her own. She always transfers the money after but sometimes she takes them when I’m not there (she has a key as she walks our dog). This year I have bought DD a dolls house- only a cheap one but it’s something she will love and I wanted to see her face on Xmas morning.
DH has just informed me that MIL spotted the dolls house in the utility and has took it as her gift to dd this year. I’m aware that he’s an idiot and now so is he. I’ve sent him over to mils to get it back but would I bu to put a stop to her laziness and not let her take any of my gifts this year?

OP posts:

Apolloanddaphne · 31/10/2019 17:27

Once DH is back with the doll's house sit him down and with him make a list of things she can buy for the DC, right down to the shop/website and cost. Get him to give her the list. Then hide everything else you buy away so she cannot find them. Store them in the attic or at friends/work/relatives.

NoSauce · 31/10/2019 17:27

Madness OP. Why have you allowed this crazy behaviour? Put a stop to it this year!

Whatsername7 · 31/10/2019 17:28

You are doing absolutely the right thing. I your place, I'd tell her what to get and offer to get it for her to avoid future stealing of special gifts.

flouncyfanny · 31/10/2019 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HavelockVetinari · 31/10/2019 17:28

YANBU at all, lazy fecker!

MamehaSan · 31/10/2019 17:29

Your MIL is incredibly rude! She waltzes into your house and takes your DD's presents?!? Yanbu at all. I hope your DH manages to retrieve the doll's house and also tells MIL that she needs to sort her own presents in future.

Itsreallymehonest · 31/10/2019 17:29

Just ask her budget and offer to buy something on her behalf. This is what I do for our older relatives. Simple.

Fookadook · 31/10/2019 17:30

Of course you shouldn’t let her take your gifts I can’t believe you’ve let it continue. Although why this is your problem and not your DH’s I don’t know.

Hide the presents, stop her from finding them so she can’t take them and tell your DH this is stopping from now.

Winterdaysarehere · 31/10/2019 17:31

Dog walker and get key back of course.
Yabu to put up with such shit.

Original poster

Freddymurky · 31/10/2019 17:32

I’ve tried that to the point of offering to go shopping with her or buying online and getting something delivered to her house, she just refuses. She’s able bodied and has a decent income so that’s not the issue.
She just seems to prefer to take stuff I’ve bought. I don’t want to fall out with her as we have a great relationship and she’s a lovely grandmother to the kids- it just really pisses me off when she does it.

OP posts:

alreadyinchristmasmood · 31/10/2019 17:32

Not sure how can you adore her, she sounds unhinged, pretty much like my MIL. Get the doll house back, tell her it's a special present and stop this from now on. She needs to buy presents herself

Myimaginaryfamiliarhasfleas · 31/10/2019 17:33

On the plus side at least you know she's giving them something you approve of! Maybe she lacks inspiration- why not start an Amazon wish list for her?

aweedropofsancerre · 31/10/2019 17:36

I am not surprised you have a ‘great’ relationship given she has a key to your house and helps herself to presents you have bought for your DD and you have said nothing

Original poster

Freddymurky · 31/10/2019 17:37

Another thing about her doing this is that everything she’s ever “bought” the kids ends up back at her house. I don’t usually mind as it’s less clutter for me but this is one I know dd will play with a lot.
DH is very good about standing up to her when needed but I suppose because I’ve let it slide for the last 10 years and because it wasn’t DD’s big present he didn’t think to object today.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 31/10/2019 17:39

I don’t understand how this has been allowed to happen. Did you say way back when that you will buy the toys and she could pay you? How did it come about?

CodenameVillanelle · 31/10/2019 17:40

You've let it side for TEN YEARS???!?!! That's insane. Why didn't you stop it the first time she did it??

Go and buy some things for them and give them to MIL as her gifts if you don't mind doing that but tell her she's not to help herself to anything ever again!

Tooner · 31/10/2019 17:42

I would be absolutely furious at this. How bloody rude. I would be telling her myself not to take anything from my house ever again and as for your husband just letting her I would be furious at him too, what a wimp.

Original poster

Freddymurky · 31/10/2019 17:45

@NoSauce it all happened very gradually. She was very ill a long time ago and was fretting over gifts so I said I’d bought loads and she could choose something to give from her.
It never really stopped, and I’m as much to blame for letting it carry on- in the scheme of things it was a minor annoyance and she’s really a lovely woman who’d be mortified to realise how much it riles me.
I’m thinking of getting decoy gifts in future that I don’t mind her giving the kids and taking back to her house but I feel like that’s just covering the problem.
She never does it with birthday presents, only at Xmas.

OP posts:

Likethebattle · 31/10/2019 17:46

Hide all the stuff after it’s wrapped in the loft so that she has no access to it all.

Wibblemonster · 31/10/2019 17:46

Personally this would irritate me no end.
I'd suggest finding somewhere new to hide your gifts (loft / other family members house) and just don't mention you've bought anything.
If she mentions it, say you've ordered a few bits but you really want to give them as you've thought carefully about what you've bought.
Or, I'd just buy something from her and tell her what you've done, how much it was and that you've left it on the counter for when she's walked the dogs. I know it's more work but it's you gaining control back??

Moreisnnogedag · 31/10/2019 17:46

Jeez that’s beyond rude! This year I’m buying the kids presents from my parents as my mom would prefer they get something that they really love rather than anything. (They live with us so I may as well order it). My mom would never dream of just half-inching something and laying claim to it! Neither would my MIL - she’d be appalled at the suggestion.

NoSauce · 31/10/2019 17:49

I see OP, yes if you’re going to carry on with it then I agree with the decoy plan. Why can’t she just order stuff online though?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/10/2019 17:52

Tbh I take my MIL shopping for the children and do mine at the same and often she c will take stuff out of my hands before the check out so I have to find more, and it is a bit annoying but I just try to think that C at least the children get something I know they will love-she doesn’t however disappear it to her house after though-that would be weird and I would certainly put a stop to that unless your kids go there a lot?

MrsMozartMkII · 31/10/2019 17:52

Bloody hell!

That's beyond rude and would drive me up the wall.

MangoSalsa · 31/10/2019 17:53

Yup, get a decoy in future. But explain about the dollhouse at get it back. Stand firm.

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