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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd- leaving toddler home alone for 2 mins?

140 replies

AmbitiouslyFit · 31/10/2019 13:08

Hi,

I know this is such a polarised topic on mumsnet but it’s a debate with DH, I want to find a suitable long term solution.

We live in a secure tower, not on a very high floor. There is 3 security points before a delivery man/guest/maintenance person can reach us. I need to use my fob to let them in.

Often times we schedule these things when DH is at home as I have 2 children under 2, and I cannot go down to let the person/item through easily. However sometimes we don’t get that choice.

So far I’ve been dragging my kids downstairs but at times the items is bulky and I need to carry it, such as our next coming item.

The delivery date was changed to an earlier time where it’s my toddlers nap time. My baby would probably be sleeping too.

I would usually wake the toddler up and put the baby in the sling and go downstairs with them both but DH thinks I should leave toddler sleeping, put the monitor on and go downstairs while being able to watch him.

This gives me anxiety as I keep playing scenarios in my head of “what if the door gets locked or what if a fire started and so on”.

Realistically it takes one or two minutes to go to the building entrance down and collect the items/sign and go back up. But I don’t know why it feels not right.

Would I be unreasonable if I followed DHs advice and left toddler sleeping and took the baby with me downstairs or do you see a security risk in doing so ?

I don’t know my next door neighbors at all, I think I should probably get to know them but they both work and so I don’t think they will be available at these hours either. Else I would’ve taken their number to use in case of said emergency.

What would you suggest as a solution ?

OP posts:

RolytheRhino · 31/10/2019 19:46

It doesn't have to be an actual fire though, does it? Any of the other residents setting off an alarm by burning something on the hob or similar would also hinder OP's return to the flat and scare her toddler.

DonG29 · 31/10/2019 19:48

Is there an option of getting deliverys sent to hubby's work or a nearby family members and one of you could just collect it?

TheGoogleMum · 31/10/2019 19:55

I've said YANBU because I'd probably do it if it was me. Yes there are slight risks though and I guess it's deciding if you are ok with that (if there was a problem how quickly could you get up the stairs?). I leave my baby asleep to go hang out washing but take the monitor

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 31/10/2019 20:04

It’s a tricky one. My kids are differently aged (1 and 7) and I don’t take the bins out (down one flight of stairs, fob door, across private car park) if they’re both asleep, but I do if the 1yo is asleep and the 7yo is up. We know all our neighbours and if anything happened I know he’d be ok to go and knock next door etc. In my last flat, broadly similar setup (down two fights of stairs, fob door, nip across v small yard) I wouldn’t at all, because the building and its surrounding area felt considerably less safe. I think 2 mins is actually a longer time than it sounds (if I pop down to collect a takeaway at my communal entrance, it’s less than 1 min til I’m back in my flat).

I think I wouldn’t feel comfortable. But it’s a tricky balance and I don’t think it’d be wrong to leave them, either. Sorry, that’s not helpful. I’m sorry it’s such a shit arrangement!

carly2803 · 31/10/2019 20:15

no sorry i wouldnt.

i do nip in th egarden with baby asleep on a monitor but thats as far as i go. and the door stays shut with a key out or open as im literally outside the door.

yes OCD but just takes one thing.

GoingFullBillFoster · 31/10/2019 20:15

I would have no problems doing that. As someone already said, I frequently peg washing out, take bins out, unload shopping from the car etc when my toddler and baby nap.

Nonnymum · 31/10/2019 20:25

I'd say talking to the concierge is a very good ideal. Perhaps they could collect for you and keep somewhere safe until you or your partner is able to collect it. No scenario sounds ideal. If you take baby and toddler down with you you may hav eti wake them and it must be hard for you to also carry bulky items upstairs if you leave them you will worry about them

MitziK · 31/10/2019 20:27

I took the bins down once - just the once - when DD was a baby sleeping in her cot.

The fucking lock jammed, leaving me the other side of the front door with no coat, no shoes, no phone, no money - and no baby.

Fortunately, it was a shitty council flat with a shitty, supposedly secure fire door, so after bouncing off it twice, I turned around and gave it a good boot, assisted by the My-Baby-Is-Locked-In-The-Other-Side adrenaline rush, so it smashed open. I only broke three bones in my foot in the process.

I never did it again.

Cornettoninja · 31/10/2019 20:27

but I'm quite protective and odd

You’re not odd at all, the MN masses can be very persuasive at convincing people that perfectly normal instincts are weird and something to be overridden to achieve some bizarre nirvana of perfect ‘cool mum’. You’re meant to be protective of your kids, not wanting to leave them vulnerable is normal.

OP - I wouldn’t do what you’re proposing. Fire risks/something preventing/delaying my return are a consideration but mostly I wouldn’t be at all comfortable with the thought my toddler could wake to an empty flat. A couple of minutes can feel much, much longer to children who are scared/worried. the main difference between your set up and pegging out washing in a house is you’re not even within calling distance to reassure them you’re not far and can be there quickly.

The fact this isn’t a simple decision for you makes me think you need to rearrange the delivery situation completely. either use a locker or rearrange another day or address that you can pick up from later.

BoardingSchoolMater · 31/10/2019 20:34

Some would say I'm pretty lax for sending my DC off to school a long way from home (just writing this to save people from pointing it out). However, there is no universe in which I would have let them out of my sight for a fraction of a second when they were babies/toddlers. I was That Parent who carted them all to the paying bit of a petrol station, rather than leave them in the car. Even if they were asleep.

I think I'd opt for your suggestion, OP, of seeing if the concierge could make an exception.

TryingToBeBold · 31/10/2019 20:47

I live in a row of terrace houses of 4. House 1 has their gate next to the house. House 2&3 have their back gate round the back of my garden. House 4 is mine.
Every bin day I leave my little one.. in the living room (or napping depending on the time) and get mine and houses 2&3 bins in from the shared driveway.
Does that make me a bad person?! No!
I would say you're fine. Others would slaughter me for even thinking what I do is okay.
Go with your gut instinct.

TryingToBeBold · 31/10/2019 20:49

I'm also the person that legged it to the petrol station (leaving LO in the car at the pump), because I needed milk and wasn't going to drag her out
I'm sure this is a whole other issue.

user1573334 · 31/10/2019 20:53

You aren't leaving them home alone though? The tower is still your home. The risk is no different to getting a shower or taking the bins out all of which people in regular houses do. I would put them in separate travel cots if awake.

Goodnightseamer · 31/10/2019 20:59

@RolytheRhino I also live in a block of flats and if I was evacuated every time one of my neighbours burned their toast I'd be spending a lot of time outside. It's not like the fire alarm goes off and everything goes into lockdown. The only time you'd be prevented from going into the building is when a fire has taken hold and the fire brigade are there. This takes a lot longer than two minutes. Or four minutes. Or even five minutes. It's fine. People go up and down stairs. That's what you do in flats. It's normal.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 31/10/2019 21:00

If it involves lifts, then I'd say absolutely no. As said, if the fire alarm went off - even a test - you would not be able to get back up for quite some time. God forbid in an actual emergency.

My toddler locked me out when he was about 14 months. I was literally outside the sliding window/door, hanging laundry chatting with him, and he slammed it shut. In just a second I was locked out (in my underwear) on our enclosed roof patio, lovely new double glazing between me and my little one now home alone, and no phone. I was able to tell him to close the doors, so he shut himself in one room, and then shout-sang to him until he fell asleep, and I could batter a hole in the window with my washing pole. Horrible experience. Could have been disastrous.

Not being a panic monger, but things do happen.

TryingToBeBold · 31/10/2019 21:05

@user1573334 a good point about the shower. If LO is napping and I'm in the shower then I'm leaving LO where they are. And... I wouldn't hear something if it happened. I can't drag her round the house with me constantly. Outside when its peeing it down and I've had to get the washing in but LO is napping upstairs.
So many what ifs..

HeadBrickWall · 31/10/2019 21:24

Can you not block the doors open with a doorstop? You're going to the front door, you have something bulky to carry back in. Block each door as you go and pull the doorstops out on your way back.

Twistables · 31/10/2019 21:28

The risk to your child's mental health being dragged up and down when they're trying to get a necessary replenishing sleep is a bigger issue than any other outlandish and unlikely safety concerns

Betty777 · 31/10/2019 21:36

i have to say I think most PPs are being ridiculous. 2 mins, if the child is asleep, is perfectly reasonable.
You can play 'what if' til the cows come home, but TBH if you think like that all them time you might as well stop going out altogether.

ONe thing you should do though OP, is to get a spare set of keys and fobs and make sure you have someone nearby (ish) who has them, because it's just sensible anyway

merrymouse · 31/10/2019 21:38

This gives me anxiety as I keep playing scenarios in my head of “what if the door gets locked or what if a fire started and so on”.

Agree .

I would not want to leave a toddler or baby on the other side of a locked door. I have never been involved in a fire, but I have had keys that stop working or doors that jam.

SonjaMorgan · 31/10/2019 21:39

How do some of you ever manage to fuel up your car, hang out washing, or use the toilet?

Cornettoninja · 31/10/2019 21:51

How do some of you ever manage to fuel up your car, hang out washing, or use the toilet?

How is this comparable? The OP is vague and says they live on a ‘not very high up’ floor so I would presume either third or forth given the vagueness.

A real comparison presuming a standard street is to pop round into your neighbours house three doors down locking both yours and their front doors behind you and then make your way back while a child is sleeping alone.

Some people would be comfortable with that and some wouldn’t but it’s a worthless argument to compare it to a shower or pegging out washing.

Goodnightseamer · 31/10/2019 22:04

There isn't really a comparison. It's just going downstairs in a building that your flat is in. Most mumsnetters don't live in flats so they're trying to relate it to unrelated things which I don't think is helpful.

Solihooley · 31/10/2019 22:19

I don’t think I’d even consider this as something dangerous. It’s basically going to your front door to sign for a delivery

BoardingSchoolMater · 31/10/2019 22:24

@SonjaMorgan Short answer is that I used to take them all with me for all of the things you mention. No joke, when you don't have a downstairs loo remembers carrying two babie and holding the small toddler's hand all the way upstairs, just so I could have a wee

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