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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd- leaving toddler home alone for 2 mins?

140 replies

AmbitiouslyFit · 31/10/2019 13:08

Hi,

I know this is such a polarised topic on mumsnet but it’s a debate with DH, I want to find a suitable long term solution.

We live in a secure tower, not on a very high floor. There is 3 security points before a delivery man/guest/maintenance person can reach us. I need to use my fob to let them in.

Often times we schedule these things when DH is at home as I have 2 children under 2, and I cannot go down to let the person/item through easily. However sometimes we don’t get that choice.

So far I’ve been dragging my kids downstairs but at times the items is bulky and I need to carry it, such as our next coming item.

The delivery date was changed to an earlier time where it’s my toddlers nap time. My baby would probably be sleeping too.

I would usually wake the toddler up and put the baby in the sling and go downstairs with them both but DH thinks I should leave toddler sleeping, put the monitor on and go downstairs while being able to watch him.

This gives me anxiety as I keep playing scenarios in my head of “what if the door gets locked or what if a fire started and so on”.

Realistically it takes one or two minutes to go to the building entrance down and collect the items/sign and go back up. But I don’t know why it feels not right.

Would I be unreasonable if I followed DHs advice and left toddler sleeping and took the baby with me downstairs or do you see a security risk in doing so ?

I don’t know my next door neighbors at all, I think I should probably get to know them but they both work and so I don’t think they will be available at these hours either. Else I would’ve taken their number to use in case of said emergency.

What would you suggest as a solution ?

OP posts:
Cmagic7 · 31/10/2019 14:23

Have you got a friend that could come around for coffee and be there at the time?

JoanieCash · 31/10/2019 14:23

Another vote for using Amazon lockers or the newsagents that accept parcels

BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2019 14:23

But presumably the OP has been through all these fire doors thousands of times while she has lived in this building?

So the risk is that the fire doors don't let her through and she is delayed long enough for her DC to notice and/or something bad to happen?

The OP hasn't mentioned anything about the fire doors randomly failing on her, so it's got to be quite unlikely. We've already established that the chance of something bad happening within the two minute window that she is out of their flat is very very small, to happen at the same time as the normally reliable fire doors failing is almost infintessimally small that it's really not worth worrying about.

coffeeforone · 31/10/2019 14:37

I would leave them sleeping for two minutes. The statistical risk of anything happening will be tiny enough that I would be willing to risk it.

katewhinesalot · 31/10/2019 14:40

It's the same risk as being in the garden. All sorts of things could happen but the actual likelihood of anything happening in those specific two mins is minuscule. I'd leave them.

ScatteredMama82 · 31/10/2019 14:40

Do you go in the lift? What if it got stuck? I'd worry about things like that, I wouldn't do it.

ScatteredMama82 · 31/10/2019 14:43

Lots have people have said they take their bins out, clean their car etc but I assume that is outside your front door, not away down the bottom of a tower block while the child is asleep 14 floor up. That's quite different.

Derbee · 31/10/2019 14:43

It's the same risk as being in the garden

It’s really not. There are potentially hundreds of people that could set off a fire alarm/start a fire and you wouldn’t be able to get to your child. It would probably be fine. Until it’s not

Original poster
AmbitiouslyFit · 31/10/2019 14:49

I’ve decided to speak to building security and the management and let them know that we need a system in place for those of us who can’t easily go let people in and out.

I will probably ask them if I can leave a fob downstairs with the concierge of the private residents and tell delivery people to go through private entrance and get to my flat with my fob.

I hope concierge will be willing to cooperate as usually I don’t think they are willing. But I guess it’s a case by case basis if it’s not a frequent occurrence perhaps they wouldn’t mind.

OP posts:
TheFallenCamal · 31/10/2019 14:58

Do you have a neighbours number?

I live in a similar block and when they wouldn't let me back in to get my then 3 year old DD when the fire alarms went off I rang my nearest neighbour who went in and grabbed her for me.

TheFallenCamal · 31/10/2019 14:59

I'd gone to put the bins out during nap time btw

Mamabear144 · 31/10/2019 15:31

I would put the monitor on and run out the the bin etc if hes asleep but that's a house so very different, I think I'd be terrified in a hotel or anything where other people are around but I'm quite protective and odd, you could try it when dh is there and in the same kind of situation but don't let him into dc as if you weren't there? I personally wouldn't but that's because you said you don't really know your neighbours not because your home is randomly going to turn into a zoo or engulf in flames the second you leave I think that's a bit dramatic, like in a house nobody has a problem stepping outside but I don't know if fobs can fail

RogersVideo · 31/10/2019 15:33

I would just go get the packages by myself but be very careful I haven't forgotten my key!

SoupDragon · 31/10/2019 15:35

Whilst the "what ifs" are very unlikely, I honestly don't think I would take the risk. It's not the same as being in a house.

Jojowash · 31/10/2019 15:35

Yeah as long as your flats locked I would go and collect. Wouldn't want to wake a toddler or baby. X

KickAssAngel · 31/10/2019 15:37

It's not the same as a private house, as any perceived emergency could mean several people rushing to leave the building at once, with OP trying to get back upstairs.

Also, in a house you can leave a door propped open which OP can't do. IT's highly unlikely that a private house would have 3 different self-locking fire doors.

OP - why don't you do a practice run and see how long it really is? I once had to leave DD in our house as someone was stealing the bins from our driveway. It was only 30 seconds as I ran out the front path and yelled at them (then they abandoned the bins and ran off) but it felt very weird/scary knowing that DD was alone in the house as I left the front gate and headed out. How long does it take to get something bulky back up the stairs?

stucknoue · 31/10/2019 15:58

I used to go to the communal laundry room in my building, it's a difficult one but those living in flats need to take calculated risks often

MeTheCoolOne · 31/10/2019 15:59

I'd leave the kids without a second thought. Even if the alarms went off you could be back to the flat in moments.

Joyce2014 · 31/10/2019 16:42

When we lived in a flat when my baby was under 9nths the phone buzzer stopped letting people in so you had to physical go down to open the door if he was sleep I would make sure he was safe. Put on the monitor and I would look the door behind me and run down and run back up. If he was awake I would take him with me.

theWarOnPeace · 31/10/2019 16:49

I lived in a flat with this stupid system before but no concierge, it was social housing, and friend lived in one now, also social housing but mixed with private and the same as you describe. She just asks/uses the concierge like the private owners do, and as she’s always been nice to him and he can see she has a small child, he doesn’t seem to mind. In my flat we had two occasions in approx 5-6 years where the key fobs/main gate stopped working and took ages to fix. I would be worried from that angle about leaving a toddler alone, same as potential for fire alarms and system being closed off or something.

4theanimals · 31/10/2019 17:45

Omg people saying "oh what if there's a fire, or" fob doesn't work". You're only nipping "downstairs". Ask yourself how many fires happen in your building, and are the fobs regularly faulty? Do you normally stay in the same room with kids at all times or sometimes be in another room? I would just go fetch item if kids sleeping. Too much fuss sometimes!

Goodnightseamer · 31/10/2019 17:50

I should imagine if there was a fire op would be aware of this as she left the apartment and would probably take both children with her.

alolimadayi · 31/10/2019 18:04

I personally wouldn't, I'd be making other arrangements to collect deliveries from a pick up point at a convenient time.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2019 19:25

Omg people saying "oh what if there's a fire, or" fob doesn't work". You're only nipping "downstairs". Ask yourself how many fires happen in your building, and are the fobs regularly faulty?

Things don't have to regularly go wrong for there to be a problem,
they just have to go wrong. Everything has a first time.

It's called risk assessment. Balancing the minor inconvenience of waking a child with the possible risks and consequences of leaving them alone.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2019 19:29

I should imagine if there was a fire op would be aware of this as she left the apartment

Only if it started before she left. Unless you think she has psychic powers. Once a fire starts, chances are you won't be allowed back into the building or up to your flat.