To think this is beyond cruel

[Ayemama]

I'm gona try keep this short.

My gran is having to go into a nursing home due to very poor health. This is a difficult in itself.

However she also has a cat who we are unfortunately having to rehome.
I can't have her as I already have a cat and my landlord won't let me have another. My parents can't take her either due to poor health there.
So my uncle and his wife have decided that they want her which is great except they live 9 hours away.
I think it's cruel to make a cat travel 9 hours (she hates the car and wails continuously for the 10 minute journey to the vets and back)
A friend of mine has recently said he's looking for a new cat after his last one passed away from old age and he lives 30 mins away at most so much less stressful for everyone.

I think that this is the best option however my family are adamant that the cat should stay within the family which I understand is what my grandmother would prefer but given the distance the cat would have to travel it seems insane.

Am I missing some magical way to make a cat suddenly less stressed and upset for the a mammoth journey?
I'm Waiting for a call back from the vet to talk to them about this too.

Am I totally unreasonable to think that the cat doesn't really care whether it's living with a blood relative of it's owner (who she has met maybe 3 times) as long as she has a loving and safe home?

I agree that it sounds cruel and unnecessary if there is a local option. Can your grandmother decide if she still has capacity or can your parents as next of kin weigh in?

Yanbu, I'm sure the cat does not understand family vs non family. All she will care about is not wanting to be in a car for 9 hours!

Would your gran be able to visit the cat if it moved with your friend? Would he send updates etc? What about the aunt and uncle?

I think the journey is a bit of a red herring, although impractical, the cat can probably be sedated. But I also think you're right the cat won't care if it's with a blood relative or not. If it's about updates and maintaining a link that would be worth considering.

It’s not about the cat, it’s about your gran. Presumedly she loves her cat and it will be easier for her psychologically to know the cat is with family.

The journey for the cat is not ideal. Maybe look into some sort of tranquilliser or something (I don’t think they are used with cats much but worth a shot). But the cat will survive the journey and be well loved at the other end hopefully.

The cat will be fine, OP. They can make a terrible fuss but it's a single one way journey. It's what makes your gran happy that counts.

Just to add, I know cats go on flights etc and some are totally fine but my cat also hates even going to the vets 5 mins up the road. He claws and pees everywhere out of stress to the point we pay for the vet to come to us every year so I do get it.

Yes, you are being totally unreasonable. It's a cat. It might yowl for a while but believe me it will go to sleep in its carrier and won't even know it's in a car.

I'd want the cat to stay in the family too if I'm honest, can u not give the cat some of that calming stuff for the ride?

It's up to your Gran.

The cat will be fine OP - you can go to the vets and get a mild sedative to calm her during the journey. It's a one off.

We had some calming drops from the vet for our two when we moved over 6 hours away. They were older cats but were fine within a few days.

The cat will be fine. Give over.

My cat hates the car and it isn't idea taking him in it, but I find after 20/30 mins he calms down and falls to sleep

I don't think the journey is that much of an issue really and would favour your grans wishes over potential uncomfort of a cat for a few hours

believe me it will go to sleep in its carrier and won't even know it's in a car.

You reckon? 😹

My gran isn't really able to say either way, if her health does improve we could easily
Go visit my friend as he's a childhood friend who my nan knows.
She would get updates from either house so that isn't an issue.
My uncle and aunt would look after her beautifully I don't doubt this.
My parents agree that the journey will be hard for the cat but say it will cause less issues and gran would probably prefer this and I in all honesty agree that Gran would probably want her to go to my uncle.
Not sure about sedating her as she is quite old but hopefully the vet will be able to shed some light on this one.
I've tried a calming oil plug in thing for the car a couple of times when taking her to the vet and it hasn't made a difference.

I think 'cruel' is a bit strong. My cats have always moved house with me, even when a long journey was involved. They weren't exactly thrilled but they soon settled in the new home. However, I do agree that avoiding the long journey would be better if possible.

I also agree that as long as the cat's needs are met in its new home, it won't care whether it's living with a relative or not. You have to find a balance between what's best for your gran, and what's best for the cat. Would your gran be up to meeting the neighbour - that might reassure her about her cat's future if the neighbour were to adopt it?

Ultimately, there is always a vast surplus of unwanted cats looking for a home, so whoever doesn't get this one needn't be deprived of a cat - Cat Rescues are crying out for good homes.

If it's just a one off journey then I wouldn't say it's cruel. It will presumably reassure your gran to know that the cat is staying in the family.

A long car journey is very different to a vets trip. The cat will settle down after a while.

Why does the deciding decision rest with you? It’s not cruel at all & is what your gran wants . The cat can be sedated and relaxed and will cope with the journey just fine.
Do as your gran wishes there are bigger things to worry about. If your Gran’s son wants his mother’s cat who are you to say no?

I'd be worried in case the cat tried to make her way home. That's a long way to go.

Most cats hate the car because they only ever go to the vets. They know what that means!

I agree, after 20 mins or so it will probably go to sleep. Yes, the vet can give some sedatives if necessary.

In the scheme of the misery in this world I would say “beyond cruel” is gross exaggeration.

The cat will miaow and possibly vomit in the car but it will have a new home. Could be so much worse.

Do what works for your gran and be grateful that someone is willing to take the cat.

No, it's not cruel, let alone beyond cruel. With a sedative the cat will be fine.

I wouldn't worry too much, unless you have to drive it the 9 hours 😬

If your gran would prefer the cat to be with family, that’s the right thing to do. Either take the cat to the vet to be slightly sedated, or let it fall asleep in the car.

Presumably a lot of the stress of the car is because it always ends st the vet, which isn’t pleasant.