To think this is beyond cruel

[Ayemama]

I'm gona try keep this short.

My gran is having to go into a nursing home due to very poor health. This is a difficult in itself.

However she also has a cat who we are unfortunately having to rehome.
I can't have her as I already have a cat and my landlord won't let me have another. My parents can't take her either due to poor health there.
So my uncle and his wife have decided that they want her which is great except they live 9 hours away.
I think it's cruel to make a cat travel 9 hours (she hates the car and wails continuously for the 10 minute journey to the vets and back)
A friend of mine has recently said he's looking for a new cat after his last one passed away from old age and he lives 30 mins away at most so much less stressful for everyone.

I think that this is the best option however my family are adamant that the cat should stay within the family which I understand is what my grandmother would prefer but given the distance the cat would have to travel it seems insane.

Am I missing some magical way to make a cat suddenly less stressed and upset for the a mammoth journey?
I'm Waiting for a call back from the vet to talk to them about this too.

Am I totally unreasonable to think that the cat doesn't really care whether it's living with a blood relative of it's owner (who she has met maybe 3 times) as long as she has a loving and safe home?

I dont think its cruel. The journey is not ideal but your gran will receive updates about the cat if it's with her son.
I'm not sure if this helps or not but I have a friend who runs an animal freight business (not meat industry, more pampered pets, zoos and race horses). She frequently arranges for birds and mammals to be sent thousands of miles on conservation reintroduction schemes. The RSPB/ WWT dont consider it "beyond cruel".

There is a product made by "Feliway" which may help. We relocated two from West Country to East Anglia without a "miaow".

Otherwise a vet may give a sedative injection

@Ayemama

How far is it by train?

Reading your update, that you have small children and would need to do the drive, I would revise my answer slightly.

I still agree that following your grans wishes is important. But your uncle should meet you half way

Mine wailed horrifically in a basket, when we moved house I borrowed a huge kittening cage. Not a peep for the whole 5 hours 😳

I’ve done car journeys with a car-hating cat but after about 25 mins she realised she wasn’t going to the V-E-T, settled down and went to sleep for three hours!

Being able to take the cat into visit at least once is one of my reasons for thinking cat is better staying locally although this is only relevant if she gets a bit better.

This would be far more 'cruel' than a single 9 hour journey. Both to the cat, who will find it incredibly stressful and confusing. And to your gran who will not be able to let go, and would be likely to get upset every time the cat had to go home - or upset when it turned up and was stressed and agitated.

The cat will be fine in the car for a one off trip. Give it to family

I've been involved in cat rehoming through a charity and in my opinion it will be absolutely fine. Cats travel overseas all the time when owners move and they bounce back a lot quicker than us humans do after stressful situations.

I would get a spacious carrier with a puppy pad and a towel in it, and also cover the top of it with a large towel or blanket - most cats feel much calmer traveling like this when the carrier is not too exposed. If possible, you can put the cat on Zylkene calming supplement a week or two beforehand (easily given in food) and use Feliway spray on the carrier/bedding. But really, it'll be fine either way.

The risk is that if the cat stays local, she will try to make her way back to her previous home. For that reason, I'd be inclined to do the shuttle to your aunt and uncle. It's a bind but with sedation, a towel over the carrier to keep it dark, some clean-up items in case of toilet accidents, bottle of water, it should go relatively easily. After a while the cat should just sleep.

I sympathise with your gran's problems but you have to do what's in the best interests of the cat, rather than the owner's, however hard it is on the owner. The owner's responsibility is to the animal they took on, ultimately. Hopefully they will be able to update her with Skype or similar, so she can see her cat is being well cared for.

I hope your DGran's health picks up OP.

The cat will get over it. Sheesh.

If your uncle can’t/won’t collect the cat, then I think the decision should be yours to make.

Neither my uncle or aunt drive and only even come up by bus. They both refuse to discuss how the cat is getting to them, they change the subject to what it will be like when she gets there every time I've mentioned it (at least 5 times now).
They are the sort of people who when they see an issue will ignore it until someone else fixes it for them, I can give many examples but none are relevant.

I'm still waiting for the vet to call back but as long as they say it's ok I will figure out a way to get her down there as I hadn't thought about her coming back again which I can imagine happening and there's lots of nasty roads between here and there.
Having talked to my DM it really is what Gran would like and while my DU can be a bit eccentric he will give the cat a lovely home.

I don't think that it's cruel, but I would be hoping A&U would have put some thought into meeting partway or something, not just expecting cat to be delivered from 9hrs away!

The cat won't die, just get mild sedation from the vet, a large rodent water bottle and a harness, the cat can have regular walks out of the car.
I took my 18 year old cat cross country about 7 hours.
Put cat in the back in an open cage like carrier rather than a shut in one and make sure kitty has blankets and treats.
Took my cat about 2 hours to work out the water bottle then all I could hear the whole way was the damned thing rattling

Can you get a tranquilliser for the cat - not to knock her out, but just calm her down?

I don't think the journey would be as bad for the cat as you think, but TBH, I wouldn't want to drive for 9 hours with a screeching cat in the back!

But I agree, that as long as the cat is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter where it is.

One thing in favour of friend over family - if the cat tries to go "home", she is less likely to get lost or run over if she is only 30 mins away, and it will be easier to find her.

The risk is that if the cat stays local, she will try to make her way back to her previous home.

She might try to do that anyway.

YABU. It’s an animal, and it’s your grandma’s animal, so she — as the human and owner — get to decide what happens to it.

It isn’t cruel in the slightest. It’s a car journey. The cat will get over it, if it is even that bothered in the first place.

ah, so your not-very-intelligent family are fine with this as long as you do a nine-hour drive with a screaming cat?

just refuse. If uncle and aunt want it so badly, come and bloody get it.

step away. Why is this your problem?

The cat will be fine, OP. They can make a terrible fuss but it's a single one way journey. It's what makes your gran happy that counts

This!

The vet gave my cat gabapentin for his flight to Romania. He was in the cabin with me and was quite relaxed and non-mewly throughout the flight. Worth a try?

Your Aunt and Uncle dont sound all that serious about having the cat. I'd let the friend have it.

Op, what would happen if you said that you can't/won't take the cat to A&U?

It's all very well it being decided that that's where it should go, but I'd expect the people who supposedly want it to be more proactive about getting it!

What about the friend?

Would they also expect the cat to be delivered to them?

They both refuse to discuss how the cat is getting to them, they change the subject to what it will be like when she gets there every time I've mentioned it (at least 5 times now).

This would annoy me tbh. It's not the fact they're not offering to collect the cat, it's the fact they won't even discuss anything about the arrangements at all. Presumably they're expecting you to work it all out for them and then appear at their door 9 hours later with the cat?

They are the sort of people who when they see an issue will ignore it until someone else fixes it for them, I can give many examples but none are relevant.

If the cat needed care, would your uncle/aunt take the cat to the vet? Have they ever had a cat before? If they're saying they want the cat, but they can't be bothered to discuss the arrangements, I'd be concerned OP.

If the cat needed care, would your uncle/aunt take the cat to the vet?

Yes, I agree. They sound like wet lettuces, frankly. I'd probably go unilateral and just arrange for the cat to go to your friend. If/when they challenge, you can give the very good reasons that it would be a long stressful drive that you don't have the time or energy to sort out; and that as they couldn't be arsed to even discuss arrangements for her arrival, you were concerned that they'd be unwilling/unable to manage day-to-day and vet problems once she was living with them.