To think this is beyond cruel

[Ayemama]

I'm gona try keep this short.

My gran is having to go into a nursing home due to very poor health. This is a difficult in itself.

However she also has a cat who we are unfortunately having to rehome.
I can't have her as I already have a cat and my landlord won't let me have another. My parents can't take her either due to poor health there.
So my uncle and his wife have decided that they want her which is great except they live 9 hours away.
I think it's cruel to make a cat travel 9 hours (she hates the car and wails continuously for the 10 minute journey to the vets and back)
A friend of mine has recently said he's looking for a new cat after his last one passed away from old age and he lives 30 mins away at most so much less stressful for everyone.

I think that this is the best option however my family are adamant that the cat should stay within the family which I understand is what my grandmother would prefer but given the distance the cat would have to travel it seems insane.

Am I missing some magical way to make a cat suddenly less stressed and upset for the a mammoth journey?
I'm Waiting for a call back from the vet to talk to them about this too.

Am I totally unreasonable to think that the cat doesn't really care whether it's living with a blood relative of it's owner (who she has met maybe 3 times) as long as she has a loving and safe home?

Gran isn't currently able to give her opinion on the matter, hopefully this will improve soon but as we are having to give up her sheltered house we will have to come up with a solution soon.
Being able to take the cat into visit at least once is one of my reasons for thinking cat is better staying locally although this is only relevant if she gets a bit better.

I have not told my friend he can have the cat, I have mentioned that we need to rehome the cat but that we are looking at family first.

If vet agrees that the journey will be safe for the cat then that's what we will do.

Being able to take the cat into visit at least once

I don't know if any cats that wouldn't be very stressed by a short visit to somewhere they don't know. I'd imagine it'd distress your gran and the cat more than anything which could be gained.

I assumed a PP meant that gran could visit the cat occasionally if it stayed nearby?

Threelittledots
I had thought this too but it's just upsetting time think she won't get to see her cat again and she is very much a beloved pet.

She would have to get a lot better to be able to visit anywhere out with the care home and realistically we have been told this is unlikely to happen.

9 hours is a long way for your gran to visit the cat, or the cat to visit your gran, should she become better enough for that to happen!
Also I wouldn't bank on it going to sleep.

When I got a kitten for my mum after I moved out of home, it also hated the car. Yowled solidly for an hour and a half on the journey back to my parents. It was excruciating!

Aww, bless her. It's far better she remembers her cat via photos though, rather than a distressed beast unwillingly brought in, hissing at everybody. The cat won't recognise her when stressed and is likely to escape.

Sorry for this turn of events, must be really hard x

Can't get vet give it a sedative or something to take on the trip? I don't think it's that big of a deal.

I had to take my elderly cat to my son's house several years ago. She hated the car and sounded like she was saying "hello" over and over again, even on short journeys. I got stuck on the motorway, and a 5 hour journey took 9 hours. The vet had recommended I covered her basket with a sheet so she was in the dark, and that worked. When I take my current cat anywhere I put her basket in the boot of my hatchback, and remove the parcel shelf. Last time I forgot to remove the shelf, and only realised when got to the vets that she'd stayed completely silent all the way there.

I think 'beyond cruel' would equate to neglect; it sounds like this cat is thought of and cared for.

I moved house with my cat. It was a 5 hour journey, then another 1.5hrs the next day. Yes, she hated it and I had to give her a lot of attention to calm her. Shes now happy, routinely brings mice into the house and meows at me when im 'late' to feed her some breakfast.

Itll be hard in the short term, but your Gran will be happy, as will your cat in the end

Honestly I think if YOU are taking care of the cat YOU should get to decide what happens next, because you've become the cat's temporary adopted mummy. If you think the friend is better long term for the cat, then that's the right thing. All the other people who are just giving their opinions but doing nothing should butt out.

It isn't 'beyond cruel' to make a cat travel for ONE journey to be looked after by people your grandmother knows and trusts.

There's every chance the cat will settle down after twenty minutes of yowling and if necessary the vet can give her a sedative for the journey.

I think you are being very unrealistic to think that, if your friend takes the cat, they will be able to bring it 'for visits' to the care home to see your grandmother.

I think its unkind and unnecessary to make the cat travel for 9 hours. Give it to your local friend.

If I have understood correctly it will be you plus two children who would have to take the cat on this trip? If so, you can obviously just say no.

At first I thought your Aunt and Uncle were desperate to have the cat, perhaps as a link to their mother and were doing the transport themselves. If not then YANBU to simply say that you cannot undertake this trip and offer up the solution of your local friend.

I'm actually with you op. It is unkind to force a older cat to ensure a long, stressful journey.

I really don’t think it matters either way to be honest. The cat won’t care if he’s with family but will be nice and reassuring for gran. The cat will get over a 9 hour journey probably the second it’s over.

The vet will prescribe a sedative and you can buy a feliway spray which is calming.

I think the journey is a bit of a red herring, although impractical, the cat can probably be sedated.
I think this too, TBH. And the cat only needs to do the journey once, after which it'll have a lovely life with your aunt and uncle.

Sorry, 'she'll', not 'it'll'!

While 9 hours is fine for a cat to travel, I think it's best for your gran to keep the cat close by. At least while she is alive. She might get to see her cat that way.

My cat has real issues with car journeys, he's a super healthy 2 year old but he tends to be sick and / or shit in the carrier when we travel with him (not a vet thing as we live on the same road as the vet's so walk him there!)

Even still, I would power through the 9 hour journey - it won't be fun for the cat (or the driver) if he's a nervous traveller, but I do think it makes sense for him to stay in the family, and I imagine will be more reassuring for your gran. Also, in the event that the cat outlives your gran it will be nice to have him in the family. My extended in-laws took on my FIL's dog after he passed away and despite having been somewhat ambivalent about the dog when they acquired her, she became a real part of the family as an extension of FIL. The dog died this year 8 years after FIL and they were devastated.

My DB took his elderly,travel hating cat from the Scottish Islands where he lives,via ferry and car to Yorkshire,and then a few days later the return journey. Complicated reasons but not relevant.
The vet supplied tranquilisers and all went fine. Cat was quiet,if a little groggy. No harm done and moggy still going strong.

Get something from the vet.

I think the issues is too that it's your friend. You know presumably that they are nice people and be kind to the cats. You gran and aunt and uncle don't.
I would think your gran would prefer it for that reason alone. She can also speak to them and they can tell her how the cat is doing. It's presumably her son and wife, so no doubt they will speak not infrequently. It also may be some comfort to him that he can bring some comfort at a point that must be quite a difficult decision.

As others have said. It's a one way journey, and once it's done, that's it.

Also having spoken to someone who moved their uncooperative cat, they found the further move was much easier. The local move, the cat just kept going back.

We had a car-loathing cat. Then we had to move house. We got some sedatives from the vet and covered her carrier with a towel. I'm sure it wasn't her favourite few hours in her life but she coped absolutely fine and thrived in our new home.

It's not ideal or perfect but it's hardly 'beyond cruel' either so YABU.

I think you must find a way to get the cat to your relatives. It's not cruel in the slightest. Just get a sedative! The cat may not enjoy the 9 hours, but it's only 9 hours and it is important to keep the cat in the family.
Your friend can get a cat from a cat shelter. Everyone's happy.

Your gran would want the cat to go to family.

Family members will also be comforted knowing her cat is being looked after with the family.

The cat can be sedated for the trip.

You don’t need to find a way to transfer the cat. You tell your aunt and uncle that you have a local home for the cat, but if they would like the cat, then they need to arrange to collect the cat by a certain date. Pass on the information that you get from the vet and then leave it up to them.