To think this is beyond cruel

[Ayemama]

I'm gona try keep this short.

My gran is having to go into a nursing home due to very poor health. This is a difficult in itself.

However she also has a cat who we are unfortunately having to rehome.
I can't have her as I already have a cat and my landlord won't let me have another. My parents can't take her either due to poor health there.
So my uncle and his wife have decided that they want her which is great except they live 9 hours away.
I think it's cruel to make a cat travel 9 hours (she hates the car and wails continuously for the 10 minute journey to the vets and back)
A friend of mine has recently said he's looking for a new cat after his last one passed away from old age and he lives 30 mins away at most so much less stressful for everyone.

I think that this is the best option however my family are adamant that the cat should stay within the family which I understand is what my grandmother would prefer but given the distance the cat would have to travel it seems insane.

Am I missing some magical way to make a cat suddenly less stressed and upset for the a mammoth journey?
I'm Waiting for a call back from the vet to talk to them about this too.

Am I totally unreasonable to think that the cat doesn't really care whether it's living with a blood relative of it's owner (who she has met maybe 3 times) as long as she has a loving and safe home?

A squalling cat in a car is a hell of a distraction . One of ours was a squaller, and a trip to the vet's (less than 10 minutes) was a nightmare.

(Little sod would rub and purr all over the vet'n'hairyman when he picked her up, trying to convince him that she was the world's most gentle and devoted cat, instead of the murderous, bitey little ragbag she really was. However he knew tortoiseshells and she didn't fool him for a moment.)

Then she would scream all the way back . . .

Heartsonacake the issue is that she can't say what she wants us to do, we are just guessing as she isn't able to tell us and it doesn't seem that anyone had thought to ask her before.

Mencken
I'm tempted to just leave it for someone else to sort out but I honestly can't say that anyone would and I know how upset my Gran would be if something happened to her cat so I'm sorting it because I know how important this would be to her and no one else seems to want to.

Diddl
Im guessing I would get a wave of abuse from uncles wives kids online and then they would forever blame me for not taking the cat down, apparently they have form for this. Which I can live with.
I'm more worried Grans condition improves and she'll be upset that the cat didn't go to a member of the family.
But my friend would easily come and collect her as he come to visit occasionally anyway.

Hallohallohallo
They already have a cat that seems very pampered, A calls him her baby and I have no doubt that he is well looked after, I've known them to get their neighbours to drive them to the vets before when needed.
Last message I got from them said they have been showing their cat pictures of Gran's cat and saying her name regularly to 'prepare him for her arrival' so I think they have got the best of intentions if their methods are a bit unusual.
But the lack of interest in helping organise how she will actually get there is very annoying.

It's not unbelievably cruel. Ask the vet for a mild sedative.

DarlingNikita
I think I'm going to steal the phrase wet lettuces, I normally use chocolate teapots in such situations but yours is better.
The vet wants to examine the cat before giving any clear recommendations, but has said that the cats age would make her wary of any form of sedation

Last message I got from them said they have been showing their cat pictures of Gran's cat and saying her name regularly to 'prepare him for her arrival' so I think they have got the best of intentions if their methods are a bit unusual.

Wouldn't it be terrible if you drove all the 9 hours down there and discover their 'baby' doesn't get on with Gran's cat who is also used to living on her own?

Also, I've been thinking if you drive 9 hours down there, you will need to take at least one break at some point so let's say it takes 10 hours to go there. Will they put you up overnight or will you need to book a hotel? Are they willing to discuss that? If you're responsible for a vet visit, sedation tablets, 20 hours driving would be how much petrol, possible hotel stay, etc.

Im guessing I would get a wave of abuse from uncles wives kids online and then they would forever blame me for not taking the cat down, apparently they have form for this.

It would annoy me that none of these people have offered to help, but expect you to do quite a lot. None of them thought to enquire about the cat (they've met 3xs) before you mentioned it needed a home?

the cats age would make her wary of any form of sedation

Maybe this is your way out OP. If the vet says Gran's cat 'can't travel', then surely the family would want what is best for the cat? How well do you know the cat OP? If you give the cat to your friend your Gran may not be able to see her again, but you would? You could send photos, videos, updates, etc via your friend?

How well do you know the cat OP?

I mean have you met the cat more than 3xs? You could still have somewhat of a relationship with the cat if she goes to your friend as much as you could see the cat whenever you visit your friend and your friend would probably talk to you about 'the cat did this or that last night' in your general catch ups. You would clearly be able to see that the cat is well cared for and give the updates to your Gran. So the cat would still sortof-ish be staying in the family.

It looks like you are the only one stepping up and prepared to take action in getting this cat to a good home. So I think it's your decision on whatever you think is best.

Hallohallohallo
I've seen cat at least twice a week (considerably more before I had kids although often short visits) since my gran adopted her maybe 8 years ago now. And I've been going in twice a day most days during the week to feed and give her some attention for the last 3 months since my Gran went into hospital.
I really do believe my friend would take excellent care of cat as I've know him since we were children and he's always looked after his pets brilliantly. He actually dog sat for us last time we went on holiday.
My gran knows him too although hasn't seen him recently but he isn't a total stranger to her.

Tbh I am a bit worried about the cost of having to drop cat off as I wouldn't want to stay at A and U's house with my kids for a few reasons so would have to try and book a hotel. It's a huge journey for my DC too.

We have moved with our two cats, who have just turned 14, several times and a number of times it has involved journeys over 6 hours. We put both of them in a large dog crate that fits a litter tray, a water bowl and some comfy blankets and they are absolutely fine. A vet told us that to reduce stress to them, we should try to provide a litter tray so they didn’t worry about holding things in, some water to sip and a comfy place to lie. The dog crate solved all of these requirements and we found they also preferred it to be covered with a blanket while travelling. If your Grandmother and your uncle want the cat to go there then I don’t think the one-off journey is a barrier.

Honestly, from everything you've said, it sounds totally impractical for you to take the cat to your aunt and uncle. I agree with the previous poster who said to put the ball in their court and give them a deadline to collect or it goes to your friend.

If they can't drive surely they can catch trains, if they choose not to do that then so be it. They can't then complain that you choose not to drive.

I had to take a cat (who I knew hated car trips) on a 1.5 hour drive to a new home. He did not settle at all. Yowled and then started hyperventilating. It was absolutely awful, and I honestly thought he might pass out.
Vet said they don’t sedate for journeys in case the cat ends up in a position which obstructs breathing.

We've moved countries a couple of times and always brought our cats with us. Some water and food and a large crate lined with newspaper and room for a litter tray. Maybe a towel for sleeping on. We've taken fresh newspaper, disposable gloves and wipes to remove any soiling.

They meow, but they are fine. Some cats will sleep for a while. I wouldn't sedate, but that is just because I'd be worried about their age. A few stops with petting and a chat to calm them.

Can't you just tell your Aunt and Uncle that the cat will need to leave your house by, say, Christmas, and that if they don't come and get it by then you will make other arrangements?

I think it's probably better that the cat goes to family but that doesn't mean that you should have to do the journey.

Sedate the cat 🐈

Just RTWT
Ok let them come get the cat

Yes so cruel to send the cat to loving home! A one off journey is hardly the end of the world is it?

"A one off journey is hardly the end of the world is it?"

No, but it doesn't have to be Op who does it?

How old are A&U's kids?

To young to fetch the cat?

Presumably if they fetched they could at least spend the night at Gran's house & not have to pay for a hotel?

Diddl
I'm not sure of aunts children's ages, they are mid 20's I think but I've never met them, A and U have been married almost 2 years and I couldn't attend the wedding as I was 9 months pregnant when it happened, when I was visiting other family up that way they weren't able to see us so We haven't met them and I have only met A twice.
They wouldn't drive that distance though, U asked the one who drives if he could one weekend when Gran was very ill and he refused as he didn't want to drive so far so doubt he would do so to collect a cat.

Sorry if I've missed it OP, but is Uncle your relative? He's married a woman who has children and are these the children (who you have never met) the ones who will likely give you a 'wave of abuse' if you don't take the cat to their mother whome you've only met twice? Are these the children who wouldn't take their mother and step father to visit his dying mother because it was too far to drive and now they expect you to drive the same distance to deliver a cat the uncle has only met 3 times?

Sorry OP. The more you reveal the more I'm wondering why you are even considering this. Are you sure this is what your grandmother would want? At the moment, the cat is living on it's own in your grandmother's house whilst you sort it out? Why not give the cat to your friend now so it will be loved and cared for, you can still keep in touch, give reports to your grandmother and don't worry about whatever the aunt's horrible children say about you online. Is it even likely you will ever meet the children or see your A and U again?

My uncle is related to me and his wive and her children are not, I got a load of abuse online from her children for not coming to their wedding (I was 9 months pregnant and too sore to travel such a distance) and supposedly sending a crap gift.
Apparently A and U were unaware of this.

I spoke to my parents about the full situation this afternoon and told them my worries and it turns out they expect me to drive cat down as A and U have both told them that I had offered to (I definitely haven't). My parents then contacted them and had a long discussion, and long story short I am not driving Cat down and they have two weeks to sort something out before Cat goes to my
Friends, this is how long we have left on Grans house.
I've already had a few messages from A's kids from a few new account Facebook accounts (they are already blocked). But don't really care. I'm just glad we have a plan now.

Thank you for your advice :) and for the support of the kind posters.

I drove my two 16 yo cats from just outside Brussels to Cornwall last week. We broke the journey in Hampshire, so they had a night at a cattery, and I got some sleep, as I can't do the whole journey in one. They were in the car from 0900 Belgian time to 1650 UK time (1750 Belgian time), which was about 9 hours. They then did another 4 hours the next day. They are currently shouting for dinner, as they have been home for a couple of days. No ill effects from the journey that I can see either.

I think your family are in the right. Surely your Gran knowing who the cat is with, and knowing that the cat is going to be looked after is best for her, I'm sure leaving her home and her pet behind is hard enough on her without having the added worry of her pet been with a stranger and not been confident in the fact it will be looked after well.
I know myself, I'd much prefer my cats to go to someone I actually know and trust over a stranger.
The cat will be fine, if it gets really distressed I'm sure the vet could give a sedative, it's a one way journey not a regular trip

I think the hardest thing is honouring the wishes of your very much loved Gran and because you are unable to ask her you have to go on what was last said. I think taking all opinion away your Gran just wants her beloved cat to be safe, cared for and treasured. A long journey for an old cat, to a house where the current cat may take a dislike to the interloper and the cost and disruption to you and your children it's just not the best choice. Your friend sounds lovely and I think cat should go to him. Bless you for being so considerate OP, don't be hard on yourself