Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me a bigot

118 replies

EarPhones · 30/10/2019 13:54

Friend came to mine for dinner with her husband. One of our conversations got heated as I didn't agree with how lovely some religious traditions being discussed were. She pressed me a few times with few scenarios of what ifs. We dropped it for a while but something similar was brought up that didn't make sense and I asked what? Then she said in a condescending tone - "You got problems with and people of . So you're a bigot"

I was skirting around the awkward conversation/confrontation she was trying to drag me into. It felt so awful that she called me a bigot when I was hosting her and her husband for dinner. I haven't spoken to her since. I found her calling me bigot very offensive. DP says to talk since they are good friends and I don't have many friends. AIBU?

OP posts:
MissMarks · 30/10/2019 13:55

What exactly did you say??

easyandy101 · 30/10/2019 13:55

Insufficient information

What were the religious traditions you disagreed with?

Olliephaunt4eyes · 30/10/2019 13:56

If you told a guest in your house that you didn't like his religion, that does sound pretty rude, at the very least, tbh.

FaFoutis · 30/10/2019 13:58

It depends on what you said.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 30/10/2019 14:01

You got problems with and people of

If that's true, then she's not wrong. Is it true?

Dutch1e · 30/10/2019 14:01

I can understand you feeling pretty taken aback. That being said, are you able to examine your beliefs and see if there's a hint of truth to it?

We all have our unconscious biases, maybe you've uncovered one/some?

The unkind way your friend seemed to be picking a fight is a separate issue.

Original poster
EarPhones · 30/10/2019 14:02

No it's my DP religion and she was pressing me into agreeing that making double the sacrifice when a boy is born instead of a girl, is nothing wrong. Reason being it was going into charity so more for charity so what's wrong. Completely ignoring that they would donate half if a girl was born. She was trying to corner me when I was trying to avoid saying anything. We are new into relation so don't discuss anything religious. But she will start a religious discussion with my DP and then tries to stir it up a bit. I didnt like it but then she also called me a bigot on top of that.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 30/10/2019 14:02

Why would you be dissing someone else's beliefs? They surely don't affect you personally.

penisbeakers · 30/10/2019 14:02

Not enough info. What were you asked and what was your response?

AmIThough · 30/10/2019 14:03

Were you being a bigot?

Aderyn19 · 30/10/2019 14:03

Idk to be honest. Need more details. I don't think we have to respect every person's religious beliefs, only their right to hold them.
If your friend is the sort of person not to agree to disagree and insists on pushing their own pov at you, then you have every right to tell them that you disagree. Especially if their religious view infringes on your own freedom. OTOH, if I had guests I'd try to avoid insulting beliefs they hold dear. Do this really depends on how it all went down and who said what.

LagunaBubbles · 30/10/2019 14:04

You never said in your post what you said to her, why not? Surely you must realise this is at the crux of it?

Pretzelcoatl · 30/10/2019 14:04

If she/they are indeed good friends, then yes you should talk and possibly try to resolve things before the animosity gets entrenched.

As to whether you’re a bigot, maybe you are and maybe you’re not. Just because something is “religious” doesn’t mean it gets a free pass, but there are degrees of difference between communion being symbolic cannibalism and circumcision being unconsenting bodily mitigation, for instance.

Friends should be able to accommodate each others’ different points of view, generally.

Armadillostoes · 30/10/2019 14:04

Er, @MrsMaise lots of people might have problems with a religious tradition and not be bigots. Why not jump off the virtue signalling band-wagon until more information is provided.

AmIThough · 30/10/2019 14:05

Is she of the same religion as your DP? Were they his friends first?

Drogosnextwife · 30/10/2019 14:05

I sti don't understand Confused

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 30/10/2019 14:05

How are we supposed to know if YABU or not if you haven't told us what was said?

Pretzelcoatl · 30/10/2019 14:05

Mutilation not mitigation.

User12879923378 · 30/10/2019 14:05

If we're talking about a religion where you donate X to charity to celebrate a little girl's birth, and 2 x X to charity to celebrate a little boy's birth, and if your point was that this can only mean that the religion in question values girls less than boys, then I agree with you and I don't mind being called a bigot for it.

underground76 · 30/10/2019 14:05

You found it 'offensive' to be called a bigot but you somehow expect other people not to find it offensive when you slag off their religion and country of origin? Wow.

Either way - I think it's probably immaterial whether you decide to forgive her for calling you a bigot, as she probably isn't that keen on being your friend any more.

FaFoutis · 30/10/2019 14:05

That doesn't make sense.

AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 14:06

No it's my DP religion and she was pressing me into agreeing that making double the sacrifice when a boy is born instead of a girl, is nothing wrong. Reason being it was going into charity so more for charity so what's wrong. Completely ignoring that they would donate half if a girl was born

You're a bigot for not being a sexist arsehole? Who knew?

LolaSmiles · 30/10/2019 14:06

From your update she sounds a bit pushy and someone who has chosen to ignore your attempts to tactfully move the conversation on.

There's a reason for the old rule of not discussing money, politics and religion in polite company. They come up lots in our close circles but I'd not dream of discussing it with newpeople.

Majorcollywobble · 30/10/2019 14:06

Lovely religious traditions ? I can’t think of many tbh .
Apart from possibly the Christingle Service .
Children’s faces illuminated by illicit candles stood around a Christmas tree in a darkened Church . But nothing else really .
I think it was a bit much of her to cause a row at your dinner table .

ghostyslovesheets · 30/10/2019 14:06

totally depends on whether you said 'I dislike the practice of paying less for a girl or I hate because they are ALL cunts who hate girls and should go back to ' really