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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My parents have ditched me

121 replies

Halloweenmaz · 30/10/2019 09:53

AIBU to be upset my parents have ditched me to go to fireworks elsewhere? I asked my mum if she wants to come with me and my DS (I'm a single parent) she said I don't know might be invited to some other fireworks.

The text came a week after I asked them saying these friends fireworks are on the same day as I asked my parents to come with me. She starts complaining she doesn't want to go to these friends fireworks and wish she could come with me but says you know what your dad's like. He likes to socialise and drink. I said well I did ask you 1st and you've left me for these other ones now. I also said it's not fair my dad does whatever he wants and doesn't think of anyone else. Nothing gets in the way of what he wants to do, especially a night out drinking with friends.

OP posts:
YourOpinionIsNoted · 30/10/2019 09:54

Err, grow up?

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 09:57

Not very kind PP!

my dad does whatever he wants and doesn't think of anyone else. Nothing gets in the way of what he wants to do, especially a night out drinking with friends

Is this the core issue?

Whoops75 · 30/10/2019 09:59

Why can’t your mum go with you?

Dragongirl10 · 30/10/2019 10:01

Hmm you sound like you are 12.....you are an adult, of course your father can live how he wants to, your mum has a choice too...if they choose to go elsewhere for fireworks they can.

YouNeedToCalmDown · 30/10/2019 10:02

Sounds like a tough night for both you and your mum.

Could you arrange to do something else together later this week?

Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 30/10/2019 10:06

@youropinionisnoted grow up really?

@threelittledots yea I guess so. I also ask if they want to do stuff when I have my son at the weekend and it's normally we are tired, your dad's hungover. And I always hear about my son's fathers family going out and doing fun stuff with him and I think why can't my parents be like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloweenmaz · 30/10/2019 10:07

@whoops Where ever my dad goes, my mum goes

OP posts:
PumpityPumpPump · 30/10/2019 10:12

Jeez. They are entitled to a life beyond their children.

OrangeTwirl · 30/10/2019 10:13

Why do you need your mother to go to a firework display with you OP?

Where ever my dad goes, my mum goes
That's your mum's choice. It sounds like you would prefer your mum to go wherever you go. You are a parent now. It's time to cut the apron strings

SoupDragon · 30/10/2019 10:19

Whilst harsh, TBH I agree with the first poster. She did say right away that she might not be able to make it so it's not like she accepted your invitation and then ditched you.

It's tough, but now you're an adult they have a live separate to you.

AutumnRose1 · 30/10/2019 10:23

Your title made me think you were a 17 year old who’d been chucked out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2019 10:26

It sounds as if your mother is a subservient people pleaser. Nothing you can do about this. They haven’t done anything wrong as no one said yes and no one ditched you or threw you out at 15.

LonginesPrime · 30/10/2019 10:27

it's not fair my dad does whatever he wants and doesn't think of anyone else. Nothing gets in the way of what he wants to do,

You don't own your parents, OP - if they want to go out without you, that's their choice.

I'm not sure whether there's a huge backstory here (suspect there might be), but you do sound a bit overbearing and immature.

BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 10:27

It's a hard lesson OP but your parents don't have to hang out with you. Mine didn't. When I had children I hoped my Mum would babysit...my Dad had died by then. But she did about three times and my DD is 15 now.

Try to make friends...then you can rely on them instead.

howabout · 30/10/2019 10:27

YABU You will have much more fun with just your lo instead of having to juggle what they want with the entirely different ideas your parents have.
There will be loads of other families with DC to mingle with - we always meet half the school.

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 10:28

Maybe post on relationships OP, for a better response, with title:

'Can I do anything about my father's drinking and my mother's co-dependency' ?

Have you heard of Al-Anon? For anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking: www.al-anonuk.org.uk

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/10/2019 10:31

Unfortunately while it isn't great if your dad is drinking himself into a hangover every weekend, I don't think you can be so dependent on parents when you are an adult and a parent yourself! Have you got some friends with children, perhaps arrange to go with them?

Not all grandparents want to be involved & it sounds like your dad might be an alcoholic so maybe not the best person to have around your child in any case.

It's a pity your mum doesn't choose to come with you without him occasionally.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 30/10/2019 10:31

I'd be hurt if my parents ditched my child - THEIR GRANDCHILD - in favour of some friends too.

YANBU - it's selfish and unkind.

beingchampion · 30/10/2019 10:36

They didn't exactly ditch you though did they? You didn't have plans with them as they'd already been invited elsewhere. Rather than giving you a flat 'no' your mother was probably trying to soften the blow which obviously didn't work with you.

I would rather go drinking with friends at a bonfire than mess around with sparklers and a small child tbh.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 30/10/2019 10:36

YANBU! I regularly spend time with my adult DC and DGC -we all enjoy doing family stuff together and keep up lots of family traditions. I certainly wouldn't let down my DC if they'd asked me first.

Wheat2Harvest · 30/10/2019 10:38

That's a very dramatic headline for a very minor issue.

Winterdaysarehere · 30/10/2019 10:41

Your dm needs to grow a pair. I would rather be in dgc /dc company than a hung over grumpy man.

diddl · 30/10/2019 10:43

I think it's telling that she didn't accept straight away.

I think that a lot of Gps would wouldn't they?

Shame they won't go separately if it would work.

Charm23 · 30/10/2019 10:44

I feel for you, OP. It was a lovely idea to invite your parents. But your mum said she MIGHT get invited to other fireworks. To me that's like saying "I'm holding out for a better offer". That would piss me off. Agree the title was a tad dramatic but this is MN, I've seen worse 😂

LonginesPrime · 30/10/2019 10:45

YANBU! I regularly spend time with my adult DC and DGC

But onlyoneoftheragtimeinstep is that because you enjoy spending time with them or because you feel a sense of duty to do so?

Do you feel that people should be forced to spend time with family against their will because it's the 'right' thing to do?