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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My parents have ditched me

121 replies

Halloweenmaz · 30/10/2019 09:53

AIBU to be upset my parents have ditched me to go to fireworks elsewhere? I asked my mum if she wants to come with me and my DS (I'm a single parent) she said I don't know might be invited to some other fireworks.

The text came a week after I asked them saying these friends fireworks are on the same day as I asked my parents to come with me. She starts complaining she doesn't want to go to these friends fireworks and wish she could come with me but says you know what your dad's like. He likes to socialise and drink. I said well I did ask you 1st and you've left me for these other ones now. I also said it's not fair my dad does whatever he wants and doesn't think of anyone else. Nothing gets in the way of what he wants to do, especially a night out drinking with friends.

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 30/10/2019 11:36

Gosh such a dramatic headline for the issue. They’ve said no to fireworks not left you on the side of the M25 with a please take care of her sign ffs

Sounds like you mum blames your dad as it’s easier than saying she wants to see friends and not you.

I’m sorry but when you mum said “I might get invited to other fireworks” she was basically saying no to you, you just didn’t take the hint......

greypetex · 30/10/2019 11:40

WTF Hmm

They haven't ditched you. They have chosen to do something else.

Now, what's the problem?

greypetex · 30/10/2019 11:42

If they were friends, everyone would be outraged.

Why the fuck would anyone be outraged if their friends responded to an invite with an 'I don't know, I might be going somewhere else'

Batshit.

SoupDragon · 30/10/2019 11:43

Christ, it’s eye opening how some of you view relationships with your parents.

I agree. But from the other side of the argument. I have a great relationship with my mother and I wouldn't expect her to drop things for me and I wouldn't have an overly dramatic reaction on social media about it.

SeaWitchly · 30/10/2019 11:43

I agree with PP who feel you are getting an unnecessarily hard time on here OP.
Single parenthood can be exhausting and lonely and I don't think it's 'throwing a tantrum' as some delightful PP stated to wish your parents could be more involved and engaged in you and your child's life.
FGS it shouldn't be a big ask for a grandparent to put their own child and grandchild above boozing with friends... but there you have it, that unfortunately is your parents choice and perogative OP.
I would go with a good friend or one of your child's friends and their parent OP and have a lovely, jolly time.

CarolDanvers · 30/10/2019 11:43

Every other thread I read where an OP or their child gets a second, more attractive invitation, they are told categorically that it would be rude to cancel the first and this is a lesson their child must learn, manners, blah blah blah.

Not this one though. This one the OP is a big baby who needs to grow up she stop being pathetic. Rules don't apply to older parents it seems who can be as selfish and ill mannered as they wish as they've raised their kids and deserve a life. Odd.

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 11:44

Hope you're still there OP, I still think posting for support on relationships would be helpful, given the underlying backstory here.

SoupDragon · 30/10/2019 11:45

Every other thread I read where an OP or their child gets a second, more attractive invitation, they are told categorically that it would be rude to cancel the first and this is a lesson their child must learn, manners, blah blah blah.

Yes, and that is right if you have accepted the first invitation. This is not the case here where, right at th estate, the mother said she might be going elsewhere.

SoupDragon · 30/10/2019 11:45

The start. Not estate.

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 11:46

I can't help but feel that some Mumsnetters hate young-sounding, single mums, especially on AIBU.

SoupDragon · 30/10/2019 11:49

I can't help feeling some Mumsnetters make huge reaches based on limited information.

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 11:51

You'd have to be very ignorant indeed about problem drinking to conclude that there isn't a big issue here.

ThreeLittleDots · 30/10/2019 11:52

he's a massive binge drinker who has been violent when drunk and turns into a complete d$%khead

doesn't think of anyone else. Nothing gets in the way of what he wants to do, especially a night out drinking

birthdays and events he won't care

I also ask if they want to do stuff when I have my son at the weekend and it's normally we are tired, your dad's hungover

Leaannb · 30/10/2019 11:56

Just because you are invited to something doesnt mean you have to go. Ops mom said we will see. She didn't accept so she didn't cancel for a better invite. Grandparents have the right to their lives too

EleanorReally · 30/10/2019 11:58

there is always limited information, one half of a story

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/10/2019 12:02

It's the waiting for a better offer which would annoy me. You asked and your mum didn't say yes because of what they might get invited to.

Simply remind her that you asked and she declined so you don't want to hear any more about it. Do you have friends who you could go with, make a bit of a fun night out with all of you and their kids?

You're not going to change how your parents are, but you can change how you react to them. It's hard when you just want to spend quality tome together but sometimes we have to be adult enough, even with our parents, to know that we have to leave them to deal with their challenges in their own way.

raspberryk · 30/10/2019 12:05

I love bonfire night and I'm sorry but I wouldn't go with a single person and a kid to a display if I could go with my dp and social circle to a party and have food and drinks.
I was a single parent and went along to wherever was having a display either meeting with friends or taking the kids alone.
Maybe just say oh shame you have plans, is there any other point soon you have free that you would like to spend with us/ds and see what happens.

JinglingHellsBells · 30/10/2019 12:06

what an incredibly OTT subject line OP.
I too clicked because I thought you parents have abandoned you forever.

You do need to grow up and make friends of your own.
Your mum is fully entitled to go wherever she wants with whom she wants. If she is in an abusive marriage where you dad calls the shots, that's her problem, not yours. You could save your energy to try to get her to see this and maybe seek counselling to deal with her marriage issues.

I don't feel she has done anything wrong to keep her options open and choose her friends, to keep the peace with your dad.

Chewbecca · 30/10/2019 12:12

Sorry, YABU.

Do you have any friends you could go with? Might be a good idea to work on your friendships and find folk who want to do similar things to you do.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 30/10/2019 12:15

I asked my mum if she wants to come with me and my DS (I'm a single parent) she said I don't know might be invited to some other fireworks
I said well I did ask you 1st and you've left me for these other ones now

See I don't see this as you actually asking her first. You asked her, she said they might be seeing other fireworks, indicating friends had already asked her about attending and she wasn't 100% sure if they we're going or it clashed.

She never agreed anyway so it's not like she's 'ditched' you to go elsewhere. When you asked her she didn't say yes, so she hasn't 'left you' for anything.

Jux · 30/10/2019 12:24

It sounds like your mum knew that they had an invitation from friends which her dh was really keen on, so she was cautiously letting you know that she probably wouldn't be able to go with you.

Toffeecakes · 30/10/2019 12:25

I'd be upset too OP, YANBU. It's hurtful, I'm not a single parent but I like to spend time with my mum (very unmumsnet I know). I feel sad when she ditches me for other plans.

TBH it sounds like your mum is scared of your dad's reaction, she's the one who has to deal with him afterwards and you've said he's a nasty drunk. She's probably learned it's easier to go along with him. It's a shame your mum puts up with that really.

FreshStart01 · 30/10/2019 12:25

I am little bit confused that you say your parents have ditched you but seems it is just your mum that you asked, not your dad? So you feel like your mum has ditched you, although in fact she says she'd prefer to come with you, but can't because its not what your dad wants to do, right? So the issue is that she won't stand up to him and do what she wants. Their relationship, their business I'm afraid. The drinking is perhaps an issue, but you don't suggest he's an alcoholic , just that he likes a night out drinking and socialising more than a night with you and your DS. Its a bit annoying but think I agree that you're overreacting. Expectation is the root of all heartache, and I think you got your heart set on something that wasn't a given. I know its difficult being a single parent, but I'm not sure I get why you wouldn't just go to fireworks with your DS and have a good time, just the two of you - its always just me and my DD1 because DD2 is petrified of them, and we just turn up, perhaps have a burger or whatever, watch, do lots of ooo-ing and aaaa-ing, and go home. We tried to meet up with others once but failed because we couldn't find them in the dark! I try to appreciate that time with just her, knowing that it won't last for ever and one day she'll be going without me.

Drivemecrazy1974 · 30/10/2019 12:29

I'm sorry, but you're being ridiculously petulant. It sounds to me as if you expect your mum to drop everything because you want her to be there for fireworks night. It's not a holiday, it's just an event. If she was saying they'd rather be with their friends on Christmas Day, then maybe you would have a point.
You do realise that just because a person becomes a grandparent, it doesn't mean they suddenly have to stop socialising with their friends, don't you?!

FreshStart01 · 30/10/2019 12:34

Sorry I missed your second post on your dad being a massive binge drinker who sometimes gets violent. That does put a different slant on it of course, but at the same time I think that adds to the not having expectations of them, and then you won't feel so disappointed. Its not great, but it is what it is.

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