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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much time your partners took off after you had a baby?

124 replies

Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:33

Feeling so tired and a little sorry for myself but know not everyone has dps who can take time off! We came home from hospital on Friday, dh was off over the weekend and Monday, but back to work today, not home til 9. Baby was 6 days today and like many a newborn doesn’t like to be put down, I’m ebf so doing all the nights and have two v boisterous boys to feed and entertain on top of it all! I am so bone tired this evening and just wish my dh had been able to take a little more time off, so many men seem to be able to take 2 weeks off. How long did your partners take off? Were they useful?

OP posts:
Feelingpoorlysick · 29/10/2019 23:36

Bless you, that sounds difficult. Why can't he take more time off?
I was very thankful that my DH had 3 weeks off, he took 1 weeks holiday and 2 weeks paternity allowance.. He was a massive help as I was recovering from a c section.

Lonecatwithkitten · 29/10/2019 23:37

ExH took the day of delivery off and that was it. He would come home from work and make me go for a walk.
Note he is now an Ex.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/10/2019 23:40

Congratulations on your baby Smile

DH took two weeks leave, half of which was spent with us in hospital, then he got ill and was off sick for a week.

I had an EMCS and was in a lot of pain and not very mobile and I couldn’t have done it without him. Even when he was ill he was able to help with a lot.

Sorry you’re feeling so unsupported, you must he exhausted.

Do you have anyone who can help with your older children to give you a chance to rest and focus on yourself and your baby? Otherwise sandwiches or oven food and tv for them to take away as much of the work as possible?

ParkheadParadise · 29/10/2019 23:41

DH took the first year off when dd was born. Due to circumstances DH did 90% of the care for dd in the early days.
We were lucky enough to be able to do that financially.

Friends DH took 2 weeks.

HandsOffMyRights · 29/10/2019 23:42

I had twins (section). DH took 2 weeks off.

I wish he'd doubled it but his firm didn't allow additional time for multiples Sad

DramaAlpaca · 29/10/2019 23:42

All three times DH took one full week off, then did half days for another week and he was very useful. I'd have liked him home for longer, but managed, just about... The first time I was alone with all three children, the eldest not quite 4, was terrifying & I was counting the minutes until he got home.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:45

There was a bit too much tv today though I was pleased with myself that I at least managed to give them a quick scoot around the park! My Mum is coming down for a few days next week to help with my first few gos at the school and preschool run, but otherwise family are quite far away. Coming down with a cold now, got a headache and sneezing, and now so is my baby so I hope she doesn’t get it too!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/10/2019 23:46

How come he doesn't get stat pat leave op?

DH took 2 weeks off, spent across three hospitals and returned day after sons opa. We were in a further 10 weeks then he took 2 weeks AL when we were home.

This time he'll take 2 weeks pat and depending in when babies arrive, he may add on AL to the end or at least late starts to help with school run post C section

AwkwardFucker · 29/10/2019 23:46

None. He went to work 4 hours after DC was born. No work, no pay.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:47

Dh is self-employed and hasn’t really stopped taking the work in. I thought he would be less busy over half term but that doesn’t seem to really be the case.

OP posts:
apple0pie · 29/10/2019 23:48

With my second he has 1 day off. We couldn't afford the unpaid leave and just started a new job so annual leave was non existent

With the third he had a week off

Yes I felt sorry for myself but he would help by leaving me a sandwich for lunch and coming home to cook dinner

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/10/2019 23:50

DH will probably take a week pat leave immediately and then will try to work from home for another 4-5 weeks to support me. Mum will stay too for 6 weeks but she’ll be there mainly to support us with housework etc while we get into a routine.

pastaparadise · 29/10/2019 23:51

2 weeks both times. Second time was hard as i had an emcs and a toddler to contend with, and we live somewhere it's hard not to drive. Not ideal but could have been worse.

WatchingTheMoon · 29/10/2019 23:51

My husband is also self employed. It makes it kind of impossible to take time off, depending on the industry. For him, it's just not a possibility.

It does mean he is more flexible though and can make his own hours to an extent and he can also work from home if he needs to.

It sounds like you need to talk to him and discuss what you're going to do from now on. Obviously without knowing his industry, it's impossible to know how much freedom he has to make his own hours but this is something my husband and I discussed a lot.

butterandbread · 29/10/2019 23:54

Probably not helpful and I certainly don’t want to rub salt into the wounds but my OH took 5 weeks off when we had our daughter. 2 weeks PAT leave and 3 weeks ‘shared’ leave taken from my SMP. It was an absolute hassle to sort with his work and we spent bloody weeks completing and re-completing forms, but it was brilliant for all 3 of us.

It sounds like you’re doing amazingly, OP! I would definitely count having left the house as a massive win. I hope you get some rest with your mum coming to help.

swapsicles · 29/10/2019 23:56

ExH came home from his shift when I called him( but got pissy when he realised I'd called his mother first because she was the one transporting us to hospital as he couldn't drive and I was otherwise occupied)
He then went back the next day and that was that, also had to take him to and from work from a week later with mainly split shifts, not great in the cold weather with a newborn, exhausted wasn't the word!

VirginWoolf · 29/10/2019 23:57

Mine took 2 weeks hol and 2 weeks pat leave consecutively. Could you afford, financially and reputationally, for your partner to take time off? The answer to that is the answer to whether you're being unreasonable or not

thaegumathteth · 30/10/2019 00:01

2 weeks with ds but that was because he was born at Christmas so Xmas day / Boxing Day and then new year x3 days was added on to his week

With dd he took a week and a half I think.

Whoops75 · 30/10/2019 00:02

On no4 he took two weeks off then went back to working away mon-fri.

I wasn’t lonely because I had older kids to give structure to the day.

I got a cleaner, was the best decision.
Dh batch cooked a few meals at the weekend.

It’s hard and especially with winter babies when the days are dull. Hope things get easier soon Flowers

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 30/10/2019 00:04

5 days with the first but 5hat was because he was born at 32 weeks and in nicu

Youngest was born on the Friday and he was back at work in Monday

Girlsmummy30 · 30/10/2019 00:10

My hubby took a week for dd and this time around it will be 2 days. He owns his own company and Oct-Dec is so busy. He wil take an extended 4 week Christmas holiday which I prefer. Due next week. Wish me luck. Il have plenty of help on hand between my mum mil sis and sils so not at all worried

Happyspud · 30/10/2019 00:10

DH headed to work on the day all our babies were born. He kind of took a week on our first but was nipping in and out to work. This isn’t and shouldn’t be the norm though.

misspiggy19 · 30/10/2019 00:14

2 weeks paternity then 2 weeks annual leave

ferntwist · 30/10/2019 00:15

DH took four weeks off - two paternity leave plus two annual leave.

1Morewineplease · 30/10/2019 00:32

Two weeks each time. I’m sorry that you’re not getting as much support as you need though. 💐