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Original poster

To ask how much time your partners took off after you had a baby?

124 replies

Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:33

Feeling so tired and a little sorry for myself but know not everyone has dps who can take time off! We came home from hospital on Friday, dh was off over the weekend and Monday, but back to work today, not home til 9. Baby was 6 days today and like many a newborn doesn’t like to be put down, I’m ebf so doing all the nights and have two v boisterous boys to feed and entertain on top of it all! I am so bone tired this evening and just wish my dh had been able to take a little more time off, so many men seem to be able to take 2 weeks off. How long did your partners take off? Were they useful?

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 30/10/2019 05:17

No time off for first 2 DC and day of delivery for DC3 who was a planned Caesarian. ( it was all quite a long time ago)

cantfindname · 30/10/2019 05:25

Ex was a farm manager. He managed (reluctantly) to drop me at the hospital main entrance and then rushed off back to work. His excuse? A cow was due to calve and he didn't want to leave her!!

Not sure what that said about me Grin

Last child was born at home and he slept downstairs in a drunken stupor and couldn't even manage to fetch a cup of tea to me and midwife. She was furious and tore him a new one, but nothing changed.. hence he became an ex.

SundayMorningSun · 30/10/2019 05:25

12 weeks (two weeks paternity leave, two weeks holiday, ten weeks shared parental leave). We're currently 7 weeks in. I feel extremely lucky. I had a week-long hospital stay and I've been ill with lots of appointments since - no idea what I'd have done without him. Best decision we've made.

Definitely keep letting your DH know the physical realities though...

LimpNightshade · 30/10/2019 05:29

Paternity leave isn't a thing where I live, so three days Shock Although with the weekend it worked out as five. My friend had her DH with her for the first three months after their first child was born. I remember her moaning to me via text that it was "only three months" and having to fight my angry text finger in reply, I was so jealous Grin

Dandelion1993 · 30/10/2019 05:29

Dh is self employed.

Dd1 was born during his busiest time of year and he had 4 days off

Dd2 was during a quieter time but still piped to the office each day for a few hours after a couple of days.

If he doesn't go then he doesn't earn. Paternity leave is a wonderful thing for employed dads but for those who are self employed, two weeks is just too long a time not too work.

Monty27 · 30/10/2019 05:33

I hardly saw exdh for dust when there was a young family around. I mean even newborn babies. I thought he was working late until someone snitched to me he would be in the pub for hours every day. I ended the marriage. And won't ever be deceived again by anyone.
My DC's are wonderful and in their 20s now 😊

MrsMonkeyBear · 30/10/2019 05:36

With DD1 DH took 2 days off (essentially his days off work) as he had just changed jobs and wouldn't be entitled to stat pat leave.

With DD2 he had 2 weeks off before and 2 weeks after.

SerafinaPekkalasbroomstick · 30/10/2019 05:42

A month for each child. However. We had both during Christmas week so would already have had 2 weeks off as his company closes then. And he works for an enlightened Scandinavian company (but in the UK) and he doesn't give a shit what people think of him regarding "commitment" and career progression. So a golden set of circumstances really.

ibanez0815 · 30/10/2019 05:49

2 weeks but DC1 is disabled and DC2 had complications and I had to stay with her in hospital 2 weeks. so he looked after dc1 at home. One I was home with a still poorly DC2 I was alone with both DC... it was hard.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/10/2019 06:14

DD1: went abroad for 3 months when she was a week old
DD2: met her at two weeks old, but then had very short working hours and lots of days off for a few months.

Out of our control and we just did the best we could. But he's in the Army so you know that you can't always be their first priority

AdriannaP · 30/10/2019 06:20

6 weeks and it was much needed (don’t have any family nearby) 2 weeks paternity leave, 2 weeks holiday, 2 weeks unpaid leave.
With all respect in no job is it impossible to take two weeks off. Even head of states go
on holidays for two weeks. I think two weeks should be the minimum for every father.

Ofitck · 30/10/2019 06:31

Why was he back to work so early? You must be exhausted.

Dh had 16 weeks because we live in Spain and that is the length of paternity leave here.

JMKid · 30/10/2019 06:32

None. Had emergency c section. Was in hospital for 6 days, also had post eclampsia. Was discharged about 3ish and he went to work that night and left me struggling up and down stairs, looking after new born hanging as had no sleep. He was very rapidly made an ex.

MonsterMashedSpud · 30/10/2019 06:34

None, with either dc.

He’s an exH.

Babynut1 · 30/10/2019 06:35

My husband took about 6 weeks through a combination of company paid paternity leave, statutory paternity pay and unpaid leave.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/10/2019 06:38

Mine took the standard 2 weeks and as I was breastfeeding he took over most of the household stuff - cooking, cleaning etc.

I recovered pretty quickly from birth and was able to manage all that stuff myself by the time he went back to work. My DS slept loads so I was lucky in that respect.

WatchingTheMoon · 30/10/2019 06:38

"he threw a bit of a strop on Sunday because everyone (ie my mum) was concentrating on me and no one was recognizing how much he was tired"

This is your actual problem, not how much time he's taking off.

Makegoodchoices · 30/10/2019 06:39

Four weeks, two as holiday, two as paternity leave. He was very helpful.

When he went back to work he was resentful of missing out on work opportunities due to being off too long.

Fastandfree · 30/10/2019 06:40

With dd1 husband was off the day she was born but then back to it. Hes a farmer and was a very busy time of year. With dd2 he managed 2 days off then 3 half days

SoyDora · 30/10/2019 06:42

Could you have afforded for him to take longer? DH took 2 weeks for our first 2 then by number 3 his company policy was been updated to 6 weeks paternity leave at full pay. He ended up taking 3 weeks, then went back for 2, then took another 2. It was most helpful for school runs as DC3 was born in Jan and it saved me having to drag the baby out in the cold every day.

SoyDora · 30/10/2019 06:43

Having said that, after he went back he got a really important promotion and I’ve barely seen him since!

Salene · 30/10/2019 06:44

My husband works offshore, 1st baby born and he had to return offshore when he was 2 days old , for his normal 28 days away trip.
2nd child I was lucky he even managed to get home to see birth.

Such is life , it was tough but not much he could do about it.

CalleighDoodle · 30/10/2019 06:45

It sounds like the problem is your dh is a bit of a manchild op. Is he pulling his weight when he is at home?

flowerycurtain · 30/10/2019 06:46

Nada.

That's the way farming goes.

Nc77 · 30/10/2019 06:48

My partner will be taking the delivery day off only and this is due to money reasons :(