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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much time your partners took off after you had a baby?

124 replies

Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:33

Feeling so tired and a little sorry for myself but know not everyone has dps who can take time off! We came home from hospital on Friday, dh was off over the weekend and Monday, but back to work today, not home til 9. Baby was 6 days today and like many a newborn doesn’t like to be put down, I’m ebf so doing all the nights and have two v boisterous boys to feed and entertain on top of it all! I am so bone tired this evening and just wish my dh had been able to take a little more time off, so many men seem to be able to take 2 weeks off. How long did your partners take off? Were they useful?

OP posts:
londonrach · 30/10/2019 06:51

Op it really depends on your dh job. My dh took two weeks off as dd came during a good time. If she come later he couldnt have but could have had two weeks about a month later. Congratulations op enjoy the hugs x

Littlemissdaredevil · 30/10/2019 06:52

4 weeks. DD arrived over Christmas so DH has 2 weeks holiday then 2 weeks Pat leave. Played X fucking box 10 hours a day every single fucking day and was useless. I could wait for him to get back to work

LuckyKitty13 · 30/10/2019 06:54

4 weeks off - and I needed it despite a straightforward delivery and no issues breastfeeding. I dont know how women cope with less! I remarked on it at the time!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 30/10/2019 06:55

He was at home for the first 8 weeks because he's a teacher and DS very obligingly came two weeks before the six weeks holiday. I feel - and know I was - very lucky.

Norma27 · 30/10/2019 06:57

It is definitely harder when they are self employed to take time off. My husband was back at work within a day or two of both of mine. When I had a late miscarriagehe also needed to go back to work the day after that birth. It is hard but sometimes needs must. Good luck.

Appletreehouse · 30/10/2019 07:00

With Dd he took the standard 2 weeks, I was really poorly after birth and we wished he'd taken longer.

With DS he took 7 weeks as I was having a section and we were already going away for a big family event/holiday shortly after my due date. 2 weeks paternity, 2 week annual leave, and 3 weeks shared parental leave (combination of paid/unpaid).

We're public sector and extended/shared leave is well supported.

NoParticularPattern · 30/10/2019 07:02

My husband took about 24 hours off, not quite that maybe. We left here at 10am for the hospital, baby born by 12pm and he was back to work by 6am the next morning. Similar with first baby too although I was in hospital being induced for longer that time so probably more like 2 days then. He’s the same in that if he doesn’t work he doesn’t get paid. It’s crap when you see others having weeks with their husbands/partners but it is what it is. I’m very lucky that he works so I can stay at home so that’s the trade off I guess. You’ll find your own groove eventually- lots of tv in the meantime certainly won’t harm the older ones!

AxCap · 30/10/2019 07:04

With no.1 he took the first few days and then worked half days for the next 2 weeks. DS was in scbu for almost 3 weeks though so by the time we got him home DH was back at work.

With no.2 he was able to take a week and a half but was still working from home during this time.

mindutopia · 30/10/2019 07:09

My dh took a month off total with our first (2 weeks paternity leave, a week of annual leave, and then I got an infection and was so ill I was pretty much hallucinating, so he got another week of unpaid leave because I literally couldn’t have cared for dd in that state).

With our 2nd, he was self employed so no paid leave at all. I think he took 2-3 weeks off but then was part time probably til ds was about 5 weeks. He did a lot of the school runs and was just generally around more in the late afternoons. It meant we had to plan and save for the loss of most of a month’s salary, but we had 9 months. Both times he mostly cooked and brought me food, kept older one alive and entertained, and held the baby while I showered or slept.

Men are no different than women. The good ones genuinely want to be home and apart of family life. You’ll pretty much work til you die. No sense missing out on all the important stuff just for 2 extra weeks of work, if you can afford it. Anyone who chooses differently (if they have a choice) sounds like a jerk.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 30/10/2019 07:10

My husband is a farmer so took no days off, I was in for a week previous to the birth and he visited for an hour in the evening (I had no other visitors as my mum had my other children and the hospital was an hours drive away) and he didn't make it in until I was in full labour with all of them, then left immediately after the birth and only visited again for the hour on the days we were still in. I had 13 months between our first two which is hard as the youngest was still a baby who didn't sleep through when I had a newborn then they were 2 & 3 when the 3rd came along. My point is, it will be exhausting but you get through it and it does not last for ever. My family lived 160 miles away from me but his did help once they started school and could sometimes collect them or take them if I had someone who was ill and I didn't want to take them out. Lots of TV is not a bad thing for the younger one and don't put your self under pressure to do housework etc, just be kind to your self and enjoy lots of cuddles on the sofa with your little ones.

MegaBlock · 30/10/2019 07:12

None. It’s too much of a drop in income.

Sunshinegirl82 · 30/10/2019 07:12

@WatchingTheMoon has it. Your problem is that your DH sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest.

Does he generally pull his weight? Is he normally so selfish?

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 30/10/2019 07:22

ExDP took 3 weeks - I had an induction that failed and was in hospital 5 days before DS was born, so he was there during that time (in hindsight he should have just gone to work) - then DS was born on day 5 and due to me getting an infection and DS dropping a lot of birth weight we were in hospital another 5 days afterwards. He was there the entire time.

Once we got home he only had 3 days left of the 2 weeks our company gave for new babies, but his manager was lovely and extended his leave for another week. I'd had a c section and whilst recovery was reasonably easy I was a new mum with mental health problems and I needed some support.

He went back to work when DS was about 12 days old but his commute was 1 hr each way so he was out of the house 7-7 most days. I had a little bit of support from exMIL but mostly on my own as my mum worked long hours.

NearlyGranny · 30/10/2019 07:23

Paternity leave is just one of the statutory rights that came about through our membership of the EU and can just as easily end with it.

Everything related to employment practices and rights is going to be thrown back into the pot, so before your vote on Dec 12th, check what the manifestos say on this. 🤔

LucileDuplessis · 30/10/2019 07:26

My DH got two weeks paternity leave, he took one week in a block and then one day per week for the next 5 weeks.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 30/10/2019 07:33

With our first his company gave him one week paid. We couldn’t afford any unpaid leave and I was fine. Second he got two weeks paid and TBH I was keen for him to get back to work so I could get back to “normal” with school run etc.

MintyMabel · 30/10/2019 07:33

He can take time off, he is choosing not to.

DD was in NNICU for 6 weeks. OH was there every day, working half days so he could do so. When she got home he took two weeks off. When she was 12 months he took two months off.

It is a choice. Especially being self employed. That's not an excuse to ignore your family. If your business can't cope with you taking a couple of weeks out then you haven't set it up very well.

Roselilly36 · 30/10/2019 07:36

Congrats OP.

DH couldn’t take any time off he runs his own business, so straight back to work after he dropped me and DS home. I was so envious of friends who had husbands home for a couple of weeks! MIL helped me though, thank goodness.

Parky04 · 30/10/2019 07:36

For our first, I took 6 weeks off. 4 weeks unpaid, 1 week paternity and 1 weeks holiday. For our second only 2 weeks as couldn't afford any more.

orangeteal · 30/10/2019 07:40

First 1 was born Wednesday, back to camp (military) Sunday, on reflection we should (and could) have argued for more time, but they didn't offer it and we were very young not knowing our rights. Second about 3 weeks but then he had to go away for 9 weeks. It was awful and I genuinely believe I wouldn't have gotten PND if he had of been around both times, not his fault he's a wonderful father- that's why his absence was so hard.

BlouseAndSkirt · 30/10/2019 07:41

He got two weeks paternity leave and took a week’s holiday.

moita · 30/10/2019 07:43

He was back working the day my babies were born! But he works from home so would make lunch and dinner and take breaks to help out

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/10/2019 07:44

#1, 3 wks. Just because he was term time only at the time so didn't go back until September.

#2, 4 days. New job, not much money, no entitlement. I had a massive 2.5l pp haemorrhage and 3rd dwg tear after a precipitous labour with a nigh on 10lb baby. #1 was 21 months old. It was not a good time.

#3, 2 weeks

Shayisgreat · 30/10/2019 07:45

Mine took 6 weeks. 2 paternity leave and 4 week shared parental leave (worked out better financially for us as I was only getting SMP and his work was one of the better schemes in the UK) It was great but I really think that there is a need for much much longer parental leave for men to be the norm.

LucyD89 · 30/10/2019 07:50

Mine has just gone back today after having six weeks off. His company were really good and let him take two weeks paternity, two weeks annual leave and two weeks unpaid leave. It's been amazing having him home all that time, and he's definitely done his fair share of looking after the baby and housework!

The downside is that I'm incredibly nervous about being alone with the baby today as I've become very reliant on his help. Plus, the house already seems to be a tip and he's only been gone an hour!

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