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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much time your partners took off after you had a baby?

124 replies

Phuquocdreams · 29/10/2019 23:33

Feeling so tired and a little sorry for myself but know not everyone has dps who can take time off! We came home from hospital on Friday, dh was off over the weekend and Monday, but back to work today, not home til 9. Baby was 6 days today and like many a newborn doesn’t like to be put down, I’m ebf so doing all the nights and have two v boisterous boys to feed and entertain on top of it all! I am so bone tired this evening and just wish my dh had been able to take a little more time off, so many men seem to be able to take 2 weeks off. How long did your partners take off? Were they useful?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 30/10/2019 07:51

My X I can't remember but it won't have been more than a weeks holiday. My current lovely husband took two weeks paternity leave and two weeks holiday. It was lovely, and he always helped at night despite having a job because he's not a prick. I'd had an awful pregnancy, difficult labour and then emergency c-section we're they cut a major blood vessel. I think he needed some time to recover from the blood spurting in the theatre as much I as did from the op.

HelenaJustina · 30/10/2019 07:55

1 week for the first three. 1 day for the 4th.

The 4th was born on a Friday (the day he had off) he was at home Saturday, Sunday, Bank Holiday Monday then back to work on the Tuesday.

ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 30/10/2019 07:57

None. He wasn't entitled to any and we couldn't afford it unpaid. EMCS after 30 hour labour on the Monday, he slept off the labour on the Tuesday and went back to work on the Wednesday. I stayed with my parents/they stayed with me for most of the first month.

89redballoons · 30/10/2019 07:59

My DH will be taking two weeks pat leave. His office also closes for Christmas from Christmas eve to new years day. My due date is 10 December so if the baby comes on time (obviously in no way a given!!) DH should get 3 1/2 weeks off in total.

Not sure he'll get time off in lieu if his pat leave runs into the Christmas break, though - probably not.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 30/10/2019 08:06

He does pull his weight at home when he’s here, he’s much tidier than me and we have (stupidly) a kitchen with white floor and surfaces which he can be obsessive about (when I was lying exhausted yesterday evening waiting for him to come home I was thinking about the sighs and frantic cleaning that the crumbs on the floor and work surface would cause - in fairness he didn’t complain!) little one is still sleeping, just one wake since midnight (she tanked up) that’s extraordinary! I think he’s a little less busy the rest of the week and has rearranged a job for tomorrow night to make sure the boys can trick or treat if baba not up to going out. I still feel tired to the bone but have tanked up on paracetamol and am going to try to take it easier today, I have myself all worked up about trying to keep the 3 kids happy and was feeling v overwhelmed. Next week my mum is down as dh is even busier again but the problem is that means nighttime sleep is affected as dh and possibly toddler from early in the morning will be in this bed. I see it’s not unusual for self employed to have to rush back - he could have afforded time off and indeed usually takes some over half term to go away for a few days, but looking after newborn seems to be different!
I think I just wanted a little moan, baby blues kicking in (though she’s lucious)

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 30/10/2019 08:11

4 weeks, 2 paternity and 2 annual leave plus then short weeks for a bit. I've actually said I'm only having a secod if he can be off for 12 weeks!

Abouttimemum · 30/10/2019 08:14

Mine went straight back to work on the Monday after baby was born on the Saturday, but baby was in special care so it made sense that he would go back to work and save his time off. He took his two weeks paternity leave six weeks later when our little boy came home.
It was really hard for him to be honest, to have a poorly newborn baby in hospital but have to be at work all day. I don’t think there’s enough support for working fathers who have babies in intensive care. Once I was forced to go home without our baby, he would drop me off at 6am, go to work then come back at 6pm and we’d stay till 10.
It was emotionally exhausting (but not as exhausting as when he came home of course 🤣 )

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 30/10/2019 08:20

None. Self employed, running a business, out six days a week.

pollysproggle · 30/10/2019 08:20

With my first With my ex DS was born on a Sunday and ex went back to work on the Monday- was hard work and I spent most days at my mums.
DS2 with my DH, he took two weeks but towards the end I couldn't wait for him to go back to work as he was getting on my nerves.
In hindsight it's because it was his first time with a baby and like me the first time didn't really know what I was doing. He was hovering round not knowing what to do whereas I took it in my stride. I was calm, he was anxious and it annoyed me.
I'm expecting again, he'll take two weeks again and this time round I think I'll really appreciate the time he has off.

Sceptre86 · 30/10/2019 08:22

The first time dh took two weeks and two weeks unpaid as dd ended up back in hospital. The second time he took 2 weeks paternity and two weeks holiday by time I was feeling a lot better after the second section. A bit different if you oh is self employed, did you not discuss it beforehand? Hopefully having your mum around will give you time to recuperate x

Bonniegirl435 · 30/10/2019 08:23

Congratulations Flowers

My husband took 6 weeks, 2 paternity, 2 annual leave and 2 unpaid (but the boss still paid anyway) so very lucky.

CherryPavlova · 30/10/2019 08:27

My husband couldn’t take any time off with any of them. He went to work at 9am following our son’s delivery at 5am.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 30/10/2019 08:29

Luscious not lucious (my spelling gone to pot too!)

OP posts:
Daffodil2018 · 30/10/2019 08:32

My DH is self employed too. He took two weeks in theory but in reality he did some work on his laptop for about half the days. Just to keep things ticking along.

I didn't mind that at all but I do feel a bit sad that we haven't really managed any holidays during my maternity leave. It would have been great to spend lots of time together as a family. In reality we've had one week away with friends but that's it. DH always ends up having to work on holidays and at weekends ... the joys of running your own business hey.

Livpool · 30/10/2019 08:32

My DH took 5 weeks. It was 2 weeks statutory paternity leave and he took the extra as I diagnosed with PND and needed the extra support

Celebelly · 30/10/2019 08:33

Two weeks paternity, then two weeks holiday, so a month all in all.

Newbie1999 · 30/10/2019 08:34

2 weeks. Was lovely but I was glad when he went back to work so that we could get back into a routine.

notangelinajolie · 30/10/2019 08:34

He didn't take time off. It was a couple of days at the very most with all three of mine. I was happy with that because I couldn't wait to start playing mum Grin

elliejjtiny · 30/10/2019 08:35

2 weeks with the eldest 4 although with dc2 and dc3 we used up 4 and 2 days before the baby was born. With dc5 he added another 2 days of unpaid parental leave to it as both me and baby had been in hdu/nicu. He got a disciplinary for that. When dc4 was in nicu for 4 weeks dh had to go back to work after 2 weeks. Pil came to help look after the older dc and they got a week each fully paid compassionate leave from their work Shock

Steamfan · 30/10/2019 08:36

one day to take us home - self employed.

lowlandLucky · 30/10/2019 08:37

With baby No3, he had 2 days off then on day 21 he was sent to Kuwait as we were in the middle of Gulf War 1. I was really ill during the pregnancy and wasnt expected to survive the birth, i had 2 under 5 year olds with chicken pox and no family but hey ho i managed

OlderthenYoungerNow · 30/10/2019 08:41

Mine had the first 3 months off with me as we did shared parental leave first time. This time he is having the three months but split in two so first 7 weeks and 6 weeks in the summer.

Slappadabass · 30/10/2019 08:52

Two weeks, paternity leave is shit. I was in labour for 5 days, in hospital for 2 days so that just left a week for him to be at home with DS. It's a joke, a week isn't enough to help mum who is recovering, I had a horrendous birth and was in so much pain, and its not enough time for dad to bond properly. It's not fair that dad's get such little time.
It's even harder for the self employed, I hope you manage to fall into a routine, don't beat yourself up about too much TV, it's not the end of the world, do what you need too to get through the day!

Bloke23 · 30/10/2019 09:17

I am currently on my 2nd week of paternity leave, then ive got 2 weeks holiday, i handed my 4 weeks notice in on the first day of my paternity leave!

Due to my start date with a new company, i will have another 2 weeks off, so 6 weeks in total

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