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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sat here thinking WTAF??

153 replies

Bingcankissmyass · 29/10/2019 23:16

Sat watching Gogglebox SU2C celeb special with DH, both in tears at the stories they're showing. The voiceover comes on and says 1 in 2 of us will get cancer, my DH through his tears says 'I hope its you"........WTAF???? We're just your average couple, ups and downs like everyone, no bad blood yadda yadda yadda. I asked him WTAF and he said he was joking, I guess maybe he was trying to lighten the morose atmosphere, but ffs my dad died of cancer a few years back so yeah, you fucking dick, this IS NOT funny. AIBU to actually be crying about what he said or am I being overly sensitive?!

OP posts:
Alicia9999 · 30/10/2019 08:57

I'm sorry but I laughed too!

Me and my DH have quite a dark sense of humour and make stupid jokes like this sometimes with really bad timing (which makes it funnier IMO). We wouldn't do this outside of the home but trust each other to just get it.

If you don't get it, or get him, you're probably not that compatible.

ChuckleBuckles · 30/10/2019 08:57

Sorry about your Dad but lighten up

Wow, some stone cold people on this thread.

OP I am sorry you lost your dad, and I think your "D"H should apologise, not sulk, when he has hurt you with his crass attempt at humour. It is a grown man that is sulking over this that is the kicker here.

HeronLanyon · 30/10/2019 09:00

Interesting use of ‘stone cold’. I think I thought you meant those who don’t see the humour in it !

TheSandman · 30/10/2019 09:10

@Ratthink It's not fair, but a lot of men see crying over stuff they don't think you should be crying about as being deliberately manipulative.

Agree with your post but, to be fair, a lot of women think the same about men too. A glance down any 'Does My DH have another woman?' thread will turn up endless, "He's crying...? on so on script... he's manipulating you." posts.

People find strong displays of emotion (that they don't share or comprehend) embarrassing and often react to it inappropriately.

RightOnTheEdge · 30/10/2019 09:10

I laughed at your OP. It sounded funny.
I'm sorry about you losing your dad and that his joke upset you though.

He should have been really sorry for upsetting you not gone off in a sulk.

Pardonwhat · 30/10/2019 09:25

The only thing more amusing than the original jokes is people trying to make out that OPs partner is wishing cancer on her. Great work Grin

NoCauseRebel · 30/10/2019 09:33

I laughed. I have a serious heart condition, part of which means I have a leaking heart valve. One day my DS said something to me about how hard done-by he was over something (teenagers and all that,) to which I responded “oh, my heart bleeds.” And then went on to say, “oh, wait, it actually does.” Grin my DP was horrified, Grin but fortunately he knows this is just me.

As for the people actually thinking that the OP’s DH wished cancer on her, oh do get a grip.

feelingsinister · 30/10/2019 09:40

I laughed too and I'm irritated that I didn't think of the same joke. My partner probably wouldn't say it but he would find it funny. We both lost very close family members to cancer.

Gottobefree · 30/10/2019 09:41

It was a joke. Very funny if you had the same humour !

Boysey45 · 30/10/2019 09:42

I'd have laughed.

AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 09:58

I would laugh Grin

MrsBethel · 30/10/2019 10:01

In case anyone missed it (must admit I did on first reading), the joke (not a good one, but anyway) isn't that he hopes you get cancer.

The joke is that, if it's 1 in 2, and there's 2 of you, if you get it then he's in the clear.

Obviously it doesn't work like that, and it's not particularly funny anyway, but you can see the intention wasn't really malicious... more of a stupid/comic interpretation of stats.

AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 10:04

Oh come on! He didn't mean it a joke OP would have known by his tone/delivery/expression.

Oh come off it, you really think her DH is wishing her cancer? You wouldn't survive a day in my house if you're that sensitive Grin

fotheringhay · 30/10/2019 10:07

I think I've been on the relationships board too long because I saw it as a very real possibility that he meant it!

If definitely meant as a joke, I agree it is really funny

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 30/10/2019 10:08

In case anyone missed it (must admit I did on first reading), the joke (not a good one, but anyway) isn't that he hopes you get cancer.

The joke is that, if it's 1 in 2, and there's 2 of you, if you get it then he's in the clear.

Ha ha, oh my god I totally didn't get it when I first read the OP and whilst I didn't think it was a horrendous thing to say, I did think it was pretty odd.

Now that I get it, it's really quite funny! Oh and I've had cancer so I'm already the 1 in 2 in this house!

Dyrne · 30/10/2019 10:12

It being a joke doesn’t make it any less of a twatty thing to do when, instead of apologising for the joke landing wrong, he’s gone off in a huff and posters are accusing the OP of having no sense of humour.

Same with rape jokes or dead baby jokes - Some people find them funny, some would normally find them funny but wouldn’t in certain contexts. A joke hitting a bit too close to the mark doesn’t mean the OP is some joyless fun sponge; and the DH should have apologised.

diddl · 30/10/2019 10:20

"The joke is that, if it's 1 in 2, and there's 2 of you, if you get it then he's in the clear."

But that still means that he's hoping it would be Op rather than him?

fotheringhay · 30/10/2019 10:21

Agree with that Dyrne

So much hurt is written off with "it was just a joke, can't you take a joke!"

VanillaSmile · 30/10/2019 10:24

It sounds like an attempt at black humour which has fallen a little flat because of your personal circumstances. I lost my dad last year (Alzheimer’s rather than cancer) and have laughed at similar jokes my husband has made, but we both have a rather dark sense of humour.

What’s a little off for me is his reaction to you being upset. If I made a joke like that and my husband was upset about it, I’d be apologising, not having a strop.

amusedbush · 30/10/2019 10:29

DH once said that if I was on life support he would keep me alive forever just in case they found a cure. I told him I'd unplug him myself and take his work payout to Vegas Grin

I guess you need to share the same dark sense of humour for these jokes to land well!

LuckySeventhWave · 30/10/2019 10:29

It’s not ‘1 in 2 people will get cancer’.

It’s ‘1 in 2 will be touched by cancer’.

That means every other person will personally know someone friend, family, colleague, distant acquaintance who has had a cancer diagnosis, and not necessarily a terminal one either.

It’s very misleading.

CupCupGoose · 30/10/2019 10:32

This is the sort of thing DH and I would say to each other. I suppose we would both know it was just a joke though so your dp should have known you wouldn't have found it funny if he knows you well enough so I can see both sides.

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 10:33

You’re wrong lucky. It is actually 1 in 2 people will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/risk/lifetime-risk

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 10:33

That means every other person will personally know someone friend, family, colleague, distant acquaintance who has had a cancer diagnosis, and not necessarily a terminal one either.

The stats for that will be 1 in 1, ie everybody.

diddl · 30/10/2019 10:34

"So much hurt is written off with "it was just a joke, can't you take a joke!"

That's really the issue, isn't it?

Instead of just saying "sorry".

All the people on here saying that they would find it funny-that's fine.

But it wasn't said to them, & the person to whom it was said didn't find it funny & was upset by it.

Doesn't mean that they are right & Op is wrong though.