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Original poster

CoatZilla and the Barbour Boy- The Second Saga

792 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:09

Hey everyone!

Bloody hell, in all my years of MNing I've never had a response like this, I was really helped by loads of your replies, and loads made me giggle (Roast Potatoes!!) and loads made good points.

I'm sorry I can't reply to specific posts but seriously there's so many.

Wine Brew Cake or Gin for everyone who replied and is sticking with me.

So on to the update.....

CoatZilla, henceforth to be known as CZ, text again last night....

Here it is word for word.
mate, your obviously upset and that was never my intention. I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. I think it's better we let the dust settle for tonight in honesty. Probably best to have a calm conversation tomorrow evening?

My reply....
Yeah tomorrow evening much better I think

And she didn't come back last night (good!)

So she's made a mistake anyway......cos Dad was actually out last night ! So we'll all be sitting there when she comes back.

My plan is, to write a list of bullet points for tonight of things she definitely said, so I can't forget and she can't back out of it or claim she didn't say it (I also remembered another bit in the fucking row- where she went "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" in that tone of voice- fucking horrible)

Also to sit calmly and let her explain to my lovely Dad and DP that she thinks they might have maliciously cut her coat.

Then see what she says!

TBH unless she fucking grovels on her knees (not likely after that fucking last text- minimization or what??) I'm going to be asking her to pack her stuff.

I'm not being "spurred on by hysterical posters"

I have read all the replies, some have opened my eyes, some have been excusing, some have told me not to rock the friendship boat....overall I have taken a middle(ish) ground.....but tbh it's clear she is
a) weird/horrible enough to think that of her oldest friend and her family
b) fucking vicious in a row
c) now backtracking massively

So....thoughts???

And again for the troll hunters in the back......my username currently is always "LanaKanesomething", and I've had various other names going back years.....so bloody well report me and see what MN has to say, yeah?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 13:15

Might be wrong though....happy to be corrected..

Anyway....buggering off for the afternoon definitely now Grin

Will be back later.

Thanks Vipers.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 29/10/2019 13:17

Abi that isn't how it works. I had the police remove my ex from my property, it was really helpful that he'd been telling the world that we weren't a couple, but he was my lodger. He thought he could stay too. He was wrong

SacramentoMN · 29/10/2019 13:18

You might not get the apology you want as people rarely like to admit they're wrong even if they know it.
Keep calm and reasonable and use 'I' statements.eg I felt hurt when this happened.
This is the most likely route to get the apology you want.
Think carefully before you throw away such a long friendship if she has usually been lovely and you would miss that friendship.
We've all done stupid selfish things where relationships are concerned. It doesn't mean they think any less about you, it's more about their own issues and selfishness. I cringe sometimes at my immaturity during my 20s early 30s.
Maybe she thought it was your little boy and was skirting round the issue.

Beveren · 29/10/2019 13:18

If it's a 90 degree corner-type tear, it's a classic hedgetear - see e.g. no. 8 on this page. That makes it even more unlikely that it's a deliberate cut as it's quite difficult to achieve something as small, straight and symettrical with scissors.

singymummy · 29/10/2019 13:18

Op you seem to think she's told your other friends about the situation and that they've been off with you?

Do you think your other friends think you or your family are so malicious that you would purposely cut into her jacket.

Maybe they think you have finally lost it after her taking the piss not paying her way and then splashing out on new expensive items GrinGrin

Pepperpot99 · 29/10/2019 13:19

I would play it very differently.

I would adopt the line that, in the absence of any other explanation, it seems clear that someone in the family has deliberately taken a pair of scissors and ripped the jacket in a fit of envy or dislike. I would ask your 'friend' to attend a meeting where you, your ds, your dad and ds are all present (ok maybe not ds) and thenget her to ask each one of you in turn 'did you cut my jacket'. See her squirm and blush her way out of that one.

Then afterwards ask if she'd like the police called.

Then ask her to leave.

TitianaTitsling · 29/10/2019 13:19

I'm just confused at all the apologists for the friend's shitty behaviour and imploring the OP to 'be kind. Barbourella hasnt considered the 20 17 year friendship and hasn't behaved kindly to OP, and has been quite vindictive, but because Barbourella has now decided she wants to sweep it under the rug OP should go along with it?

Clangus00 · 29/10/2019 13:20

Shameless placemarking

Mollymoo01 · 29/10/2019 13:21

I understand it is probably past this now but you have checked there isn’t a nail/screw/sharp bit on the coat stand or wall near where the coat was hanging?
It would make sense that the coat caught on a sharp bit on the coat stand and ripped a little.

I do think she is being a cheeky mare, but I also think her friends are getting in her head and making it worse.

incognitomum · 29/10/2019 13:21

Have a good afternoon

Pepperpot99 · 29/10/2019 13:22

You could also ask her if she'd like your ouija board in order to summon the ghost. Totally deadpan.

That's how I'd play it.

Branleuse · 29/10/2019 13:27

Im sorry shes accused you. It all seems very bizarre, and must be pretty galling considering youve had her actually living in your home for cheap. You cant get much more intimate than that.

stayathomegardener · 29/10/2019 13:28

No matter how tonight goes I can't see you all living together working.

I would get your DH to take the heat off you and your friendship and say this has made him reevaluate his health and the family finances so the current arrangement needs to come to an end anyway.

It removes you and and links to coatgate from the way CZ sells her moving out to anyone else. Cos she will. Smile

billy1966 · 29/10/2019 13:35

That text is all about backtracking and a non apology.

She has been around the track bad mouthing you and discussing your family, after all your kindness.

Nothing was off the cuff. She has been mulling over all her accusations.

She feels superior to you.

She is telling how things will go in the text, displaying zero respect for you.

She has moved on in her head and you and your family are no more than cheap accommodation.

You won't see her for dust when she buys her house.

She clearly thinks she's brighter than you and will be able to "manage you" when you meet up by Gaslighting you.

I think writing down a list of her vicious accusations and have them there in front of you to dispute her Gaslighting would be helpful.

Do not allow her to talk down to you and deny what she said.

She's an embarrassment to herself and I'd be damned if I would allow her to rewrite her accusations.

I also bet she hasn't had a bunch of invites to move on and just wants to use you for a while longer.

Either way, why would you allow yourself and your family to be made so little of by her.
💐

Preparingfor · 29/10/2019 13:38

Omg will posters stop going on about how they think the bloody coat was ripped, I think after 60 pages it's become irrelevant 😖

Chloe84 · 29/10/2019 13:41

Use this opportunity to make a clean break on the lodger front.

If she grovels and you let her stay, it will be very hard telling her she needs to leave.

CARPE DIEM!

Motoko · 29/10/2019 13:42

After this, along with her piss taking, considering your financial situation, she definitely needs to move out.

And regarding the friendship, a true friend wouldn't treat someone like this, so don't fall for the sunken costs fallacy of how long you've been friends for.

This wasn't a moment of madness. She was stewing about it, and getting friends on her side, for a week, while also taking the piss in eating your food. Food that your family could have eaten, saving a bit of money. In your situation, every penny counts.

There's no way I'd want to stay friends with her after this, she's shown what she really thinks of you OP. Even if she apologises, will she also set the friends straight, or make out that she's been the magnanimous one, who's going to put it all behind her, so the friends still think you are the one in the wrong?

yourestandingonmyneck · 29/10/2019 13:43

If she tries gaslighting you, don't forget the "locked room mystery" comments to prove that she did categorically state that it HAD to be a member of your family.

She sounds like a cow.

Good luck.

HowlinProwlin · 29/10/2019 13:43

Ooooh..

I wonder if Barbour Boy has wound her up for shits and giggles... she's assumed she can stay with him long term and then last night she's realised either she can't, or, it will cost her a LOT more than staying with you...

And NOW she's cooled off and realised her alternative options are not looking so cosy as Chez LanaKane. Possibly her dad has told her she's being a dick?

SirVixofVixHall · 29/10/2019 13:43

Agree with the pp who mentioned the rip being at right angles, a classic tear from catching on something.
It is bizarre that she would look at that and her first thought would be that you, or another family member, had deliberately cut it. Who thinks like this ? It is hurtful of course, but just incredibly strange.
If I found a tear like this on my coat, I would think “blast, I have caught my new coat on something “ not “ who has deliberately cut my coat to spite me ? “
It does make me wonder if a mutual “friend” has suggested this .

BumbleBeee69 · 29/10/2019 13:44

I'm amazed you don't consider this a 'Moving Out Immediately' offence OP.

1950swallpaper · 29/10/2019 13:44

This is the craziest thread I have seen for a long time. Maybe ever.

BrieAndChilli · 29/10/2019 13:44

i would just tell her that in life things/accidents happen and you cant gaurantee the safety of her items so best she moves out as you dont want to be accused everytime something of hers breaks/is lost etc

ShinyS1 · 29/10/2019 13:45

You can't 100% say that no-one in your house accidentally cut the coat. It sounds very unlikely, granted, but even so....

I think you're both over-reacting. Your friend during the row, and you on here.

Your friend has dealt with this in the wrong way, but nobody has any proof or evidence either way do they?

Witchinaditch · 29/10/2019 13:46

Be very careful in your approach to her tonight, she’s clearly very Wiley and will use your words against you, maybe don’t do the chat with your dad and dp, I think by yourselves is your best bet!