To think moms of premature babies should get extended maternity leave?

[Neverbroken]

Just wanted to know what the view on this is.
I’m absolutely dreading the thought of going back to work when baby is still so small, I feel cheated of the time I should have had being able to bond with her because I was back & forth to the hospital. The whole experience was draining, really frustrating. Sometimes I would just feel in the way or like I was a disruption. I know I’ll never get those weeks back and it feels like going back to work is just around the corner.

YANBU

How long are you taking? Can have up to 12 months mat leave legally speaking. If you left your job you could of course have as long as you want. Assuming partner agrees. Or are you under financial constraints? Might be worth discussing with partner how to trim finances.

Assuming you're in UK.

I agree with you.

And I feel a little embarrassed that this has never occurred to me before.

YADNBU. I think it should run for 12 months from due date.

I don’t think I agree. It can be difficult for companies to afford the absence (not just the mat pay). They do it because they are legally obliged to do so and/or because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t think I’d make it more difficult for them because mums want more time with their baby. I do think it would be reasonable to ask for further unpaid leave but with no obligation to grant it.

Arguably you’re in the same position as women who’s poor health in pregnancy means they start ML earlier than planned.

I agree. YANBU.
I can’t imagine. Perhaps mat leave to start from due date. I took a year with my full term baby and needed every second just to adjust to my new life.

Where is all the money supposed to come from for even more leave? Why is it someone else's responsibility to pay for a person's lifestyle choice to have children? Why just 'moms'? Until people start expecting men to do their share of the parenting and share these leaves, it's not hard to guess why there is so much discrimination against women of childbearing age in the workplace. YABU. Life isn't fair.

Totally agree with you OP

YANBU. I’m having a year off now when I was previously planning on having 9 months off, as the first few months with my DD were a blur of hospitals.

I agree. Maternity should cover from the birth to the due date and then beyond that as normal.

My middle one was premmie so I do sympathise; however, I think the issue is workability. So say premmies you add on additional time to mat leave, what about babies who are very sick after birth (but are full term) should there be additional time? What about women who had difficulty pregnancies/births - maybe had to go on Mat leave early - should they get extra time?

Can you speak to your work. Some employers will allow you unpaid leave in these situations.

Much as I sympathise with you surely it’s a case of where does it end , what if you have a full term baby that is then seriously ill , or a baby that is disabled in some way , sadly there is not a bottomless pit of money for all eventualities .

I fully agree with you. I think while baby is still in hospital, it should be on something like a duck note for mum (sorry, I know pay is crap but at least you would have the time...)
Mine where both full term but one of my close friends had her baby at 35 weeks. Which was heart breaking, at the time.
I think parents need time to recover from all the trauma as well as time to bond with baby.

Yanbu however (I want this to come across better than I think it’s going to sound) how premature?
If a baby is say 5 weeks early and spends a week in hospital do they get the same as someone whose baby is say 10 weeks early and is in hospital for 3 months. I think it’s unfair to have a cut off as inevitably someone will miss out. It’s tricky.

@timshelthechoice maternity leave is to allow the person giving birth adequate time to physically recover! It is fuck all to do with child care! Regardless if you sneezed the baby out or had a traumatic 6 day birth, every woman's body needs time to replenish the loss of bone density, the exhaustion, the iron and mineral and vitamin depletions. Also to enable them to breast feed for the first several months as is the recommendation!

Educate yourself ffs.

To the PP, it’s not just about money. Even if you can afford it, your employment rights alter depending on how long you have off.

Yes, I completely agree. DD was in NICU for 3 months, and needed another 6 months medical care at home. By the time I started to relax and enjoy time with my baby, it was nearly time to go back! I extended my leave by another 3 months (using annual leave and then unpaid leave) and I’m grateful to my employers for accommodating this as I could not have coped otherwise.

My fellow NICU mum has her extension denied and had to resign - such a shame for both parties

I’m shocked by stories in the US where maternity leave is much shorter and mums are back at work before their babies even leave NICU

It sounds like a good idea.
I think society can afford it.

duck = sick ...

I see where you're coming from but there can be other issues which cause similar problems for babies born at term. It doesn't seem equitable to me.

I agree but what about mums to sick babies? My dd was born at full term but spent 4 months in nicu. I went back to work when she was 10 months old and wish I could have spent longer with her.
My hospital friend had a premmie and was lucky that he company let her stay off for 12 months after her due date (despite her baby being born at 24 weeks).

Arguably you’re in the same position as women who’s poor health in pregnancy means they start ML earlier than planned.

Financially and in terms of time off, maybe. But women who have poor health in pregnancy aren’t necessarily then spending their mat leave nursing a sick baby with complex medical needs that often come with prematurity.

It would be lovely, however personally I really needed my husband whilst DD was still in hospital. I had an emergency csection as baby wasn’t moving at 33 weeks. She then spent 4 weeks in hospital 25 miles from home.

DH had to return to work before DD was home, I couldn’t drive. We were so fortunate family bent over backwards to help and DHs work allowed some flexible working (they could have done more)

Bliss were pursuing something along the lines of extended leave
www.bliss.org.uk/news/2019/proposed-change-to-parental-leave-is-huge-step-forward

I felt at the time I would need longer on mat leave, however I don’t think the extra time would have made going back any easier. She was still tiny (comparative to her peers) and has since picked up everything going at nursery. My work have been brilliant in supporting us with hospital admissions etc

I know a few people who had family or empathy type leave in addition to their maternity/paternity pay after having a premature baby or very unwell baby.

It's worth asking your employer if they can offer additional leave for anyone in that situation now.