To think moms of premature babies should get extended maternity leave?

[Neverbroken]

Just wanted to know what the view on this is.
I’m absolutely dreading the thought of going back to work when baby is still so small, I feel cheated of the time I should have had being able to bond with her because I was back & forth to the hospital. The whole experience was draining, really frustrating. Sometimes I would just feel in the way or like I was a disruption. I know I’ll never get those weeks back and it feels like going back to work is just around the corner.

Of course OP

Are you back at work already?
Poor you x

My son was born 3 months early and was in hospital for 5 months and 2 weeks - and it was supposed to be slightly longer but I BEGGED them to let him home on oxygen and I could be monitored to home with him.

I couldn’t imagine having to go to work when he was in hospital. Don’t think I personally would have been able to cope well done OP

I don't think the OP was expecting to get paid for the extra leave. And it is hardly the same as someone who started maternity leave early. Having spent a (mercifully) short time in neonatal, I don't think you can really understand the impact that spending prolonged months in hospital can have on a person until you see it. I met a woman who had been helicoptered to a hospital a 2 hour flight from home to give birth, and was still there 4 months later with no end in sight, and many others with similar stories. Their husbands were often hours away working and only able to afford to visit infrequently. They they were the ones lucky enough to have a room to sleep in. I personally was booted out when DC was 2 days old, and expected to drive a 2 hour round trip every day with a 3rd degree tear to see my baby who had just had serious surgery, while sticking to a breast pumping schedule that seemed utterly impossible. Lucky for me, it was only for a few weeks, and he wasn't actually premature (just 4 weeks early). Even then, the fact that I had to return to work 4 weeks earlier than planned caused me a childcare issue, as nursery was fully booked before he was even born (I'd had to book the original dates before the 20 week scan).

So, yes, I agree that an extra portion of optional unpaid leave would be only fair.

What about mothers of children who are born at full term that need long term hospital treatment, babies who are born with undiagnosed conditions who need heart surgery or who suffer birth injuries that lead to the need for long term treatment? Many babies are born premature who by their due date are home & much the same as any other newborn, for it to be fair it would have to include any mother with a child who has to remain in hospital for an extended period or who requires long term treatment.

I won’t answer individually because that will take a long time so ...

I’m going to take as long as I can to get as much time with her as I can. I would leave my job if I can find something to do from home.

Where is all the money supposed to come from for even more leave?
Something I can’t answer I’m not asking to be fully paid sitting at home, they pay for the first 3 months from what I understand and that’s it. Adjusting is hard especially when there is so much to adjust to then before you know it you’re adjusting to going back to work.

Why is it someone else's responsibility to pay for a person's lifestyle choice to have children?
I don’t ever think I once said it was.

Why just 'moms'?
I’m speaking from my own experience so I can only speak as a mother, it’s a fact that physically and possibly mentally too we go through more during pregnancy than the father and that’s assuming the father is in the picture. In my own personal situation I have provided everything for my daughter which is why I am only talking from the female perspective.

So say premmies you add on additional time to mat leave, what about babies who are very sick after birth (but are full term) should there be additional time? What about women who had difficulty pregnancies/births - maybe had to go on Mat leave early - should they get extra time?

Once again I can only talk about my own personal experience so that’s why I am talking about premature babies and why I posted on the premature births board but yes in my own opinion sick babies or mothers should get more time because the recovery period is longer than that of a straightforward pregnancy and delivery.

I never said there is a bottomless pit of money because I’m sure if there was this pit then nobody would be returning to work and I wouldn’t have written this post.

When you say how premature she came at 27 weeks.

To those who think I believe there is a bottomless pit of money, I don’t. I came on here to express how I feel at this moment that’s it. If we want to talk about society and what society can afford, I work so I do pay my taxes just like everybody else. There are quite a few people on here acting like me and my daughter are personally taking money out of their pockets so just to remind you I’m not. The money I have I’ve worked for, I didn’t ask for money in my post I asked for time.

It makes me really happy to see that bliss article ❤️

Honestly an extended maternity leave for premie babies only makes sense if there are long term complications with the baby. Most babies born after 30 weeks in the UK tend to have few to no long term problems and so a standard up to 12 month mat leave is enough.

It would be a compromise to extend SMP ML to cover a proportion of the time (50%?) spent in hospital before your EDD - 3 weeks. Maybe with the option of the balance unpaid.
For my 34 weeker that would have meant 10 days paid and 10 days unpaid.
For the OP it would have meant 5 weeks paid and 5 weeks unpaid.

Oh ignore my calculations unless you spent until due date in hospital, but you get the idea...

My dd was born at term but has asd diagnosed at 2, this has rendered me unable to work full time forever. Whilst I have sympathy for those with preemies, there's so many parents struggling and maternity is already a very generous year long (though partly unpaid). My pittance of a wage (taxed and lots of ni of course) means I can't get benefits because she's turned 18, yet I don't earn enough to cover my bills, I cannot see why we should pay yet more to parents unless there's specific needs, feeling rather down tonight

Life isn’t fair

Oh well, we shouldn’t bother to fight injustice then, should we? Not bother fighting for equal rights for women, or campaign for better healthcare or any of that. I fact, why not give up bothering with any politics movement entirely? After all, life’s not fair, we might as well just suck it up and know our place.

FFS.

YANBU OP

There’s a great UK charity called The Smallest Things who raise awareness around premature birth, early/sick infants and maternity rights, care and the aftermath for families. They are a really excellent fountain of knowledge and support. They also have a campaign to have extended parental leave for the parents of premature and ill babies. My daughter was born at 25+2. She’s six now and I’m only just getting over it all. Stay strong OP, your little person will need you.

It's actually part of a consultation which is ending soon:
www.gov.uk/government/consultations/good-work-plan-proposals-to-support-families
Theresa May launched it: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49040005

@CTRL NO not back yet!

@frenchknitting yes the expressing schedule is ridiculous to try and keep up with. The hospital I was booked to have her at didn’t have the crib so we were transferred during labour thankfully only a 30-40 minutes drive away. I then had to self discharge to be able to transfer back with her to the hospital I was booked in to have her 2 days later she also was transferred to children’s hospital because at one point they thought she may need surgery for NEC then when she was cleared we were transferred again to the original booking hospital.

@stucknoue I sympathise with your situation too but when did I ask to be paid?

I think Paternity Leave is just as big of an issue. I had an emergency c-section so I couldn't drive, or walk very far or handle stairs well for a few weeks. Once I'd been discharged from the hospital and my husband had gone back to work after his 2 weeks of paternity leave, how was I supposed to get to and from the NNU to see our baby every day? And if he used all of his leave when the baby was in hospital, he would miss out on that experience of bringing the baby home and having that time to settle as a family.

Luckily my baby was a pain in the arse who resisted all attempts to keep him in hospital and so he came home with us after a week even though he wasn't even 5lb yet, so we didn't have to make a tough decision. But I felt so bad for the parents who did.

I think that there are degrees and it should be about poorly children rather than prematurity itself. One of my friends had a profoundly disabled child past her due date. It hadn’t shown up on the scan and was an utter shock. Her child needed multiple operations during her first few years of life and finding appropriate childcare was challenging. In my mind, she was far more deserving of extra leave than someone who perhaps had a healthy 33/34 weeker.

I think 12 months maternity is very generous as it is. Anything extra wanted can be annual leave, parental leave etc.

I’d rather see paternity leave extended. Even just by another couple of weeks.

There are other options to extend maternity leave, which I already think is generous.

I don’t disagree with you and yes in an ideal world along with longer paternity leave, more time off for sick babies etc. However, I live in the US and if you worked in my office had delivered vaginally (you get 2 extra weeks for a section) you’d be back at your desk before your due date. My colleague returned to work with a corrected age 5 week old. She got some flexible working concessions plus her own fridge for expressed breast milk. Appreciate the time you have, it’s precious and not everyone is so lucky.

Absolutely agree. I think it should start from the due date and anything before that is extra. I’m a midwife and I always remember a woman I cared for years ago. Her baby was born at 24 weeks. She got 6 months paid leave which meant she had to go back to work just 4 weeks after her baby, who was still on oxygen and needing a lot of care, was discharged home. It seemed very cruel at the time.

Some employers do offer additional paid time off, The Smallest Things were also running a petition, not sure if it's still active though.

I feel for you OP and hope your baby is doing well now.

However the UK allows for 12 months maternity leave and that is extremely generous already. Short of the most serious postpartum complications 12 months is more than enough time for you and baby to recover enough for you to go back to work, if you wish.

If your baby is not well enough for you to leave them then is there unpaid leave/compassionate leave that you can add to maternity?

A quick point to those comparing a healthy 35 weaker to a 27 weaker. There is a difference between premature and pre-term. Preterm is simply early but healthy. Premature is too early to survive without medical intervention.

24-28 = extremely premature
28-32 = premature
32-37 = preterm
37+ = term

The USA is notorious for its appalling maternity provision though. I think we can aim higher than that.

I agree with you OP and agree with pps that parents with ill/disabled children need better provision as well. Under/unmployment and resultant poverty is a huge problem for families with disabled children. Parental leave helps - have you looked into that for yourself OP? - but there's more we could do.

In an ideal world I agree with you. But the reality is that companies can’t afford it.
I think we are actually pretty fortunate with the 9 months to be honest, it wasn’t that long ago that ML was 13 weeks.