To think moms of premature babies should get extended maternity leave?

[Neverbroken]

Just wanted to know what the view on this is.
I’m absolutely dreading the thought of going back to work when baby is still so small, I feel cheated of the time I should have had being able to bond with her because I was back & forth to the hospital. The whole experience was draining, really frustrating. Sometimes I would just feel in the way or like I was a disruption. I know I’ll never get those weeks back and it feels like going back to work is just around the corner.

since other PP also mentioned Germany - may i also add that the parental leave can be split between the parents however they want which meant, for me, that i took 3 years (only 19 months between DC so theoretically I took 18 months for 1 + 18 months for 1&2) and then my DH took the final 18 months for DC2. It was brilliant.

I know families who have split 1 year mum, 1 year dad, 1 year mum again and many other combinations.

I agree that a week should be added on for every week before 37 that a baby was born.

So if your baby is born at 35 weeks, you get an extra 2 weeks added on etc. It would enable a premie to be a bit more ready for nursery /childcare too as I'd be worried about them catching lots of things.

My friends DS was born at 23 weeks and had chronic lung disease (as well as some other issues), he was on oxygen until he was over 12 months and quite poorly. How could he have gone to nursery at a few months old (corrected)? Luckily friend is a sahm.

RolyTheRhino I agree with this phrase of yours We should all be allowed three years off so that those who choose not to have children, or can't have children, can also have up to three years off work paid or partly paid. Because many of them are the ones put upon by the workplace to cover for those off on maternity (because a huge number of firms do not get maternity or paternity cover in and just expect other staff to pick up the slack for no additional recompense); it's usually those who do all the cover for the parent who is off looking after a poorly child, or attending sports day, or not getting their preferred time off for holiday because parents get first choice, or non-parents are expected to work over Christmas so that parents can have the time off because "Christmas is for children".

So how about a three-year funded career break for everyone when they hit 50 if they've not had children? In many cases, those people will probably be starting to look after aged parents and need to have support and time off which they won't be given by the workplace.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for support for parents but I do think there needs to be some balance so it doesn't go too far the one way. We're all part of society and the childfree contribute their share but don't tend to get much back.

Both maternity and paternity leave should start at the baby's due date imo. My DH had his 2 weeks paternity leave but mine were in for 5 weeks, so I had to cope on my own going up and down to the NICU every day for 3 weeks while recovering from a traumatic c section.

But do you want it for premature babies rather than non-preemies who were in NICU?

My eldest was in NICU (not where she was born) and had an operation so my OH didn't have paternity leave with her at home. My second was early (35 weeks) but fine. We'd have benefited more from the time with the first than with the second one.

I don't necessarily disagree, but if you allow extra time for premature babies, what happens about the mothers who develop health problems relating to their pregnancy after the birth? DIL sailed through her pregnancy, dgs was born a day or so after due date and then, when he was just a few weeks old, DIL developed a health issue relating to the delivery and spent several weeks in hospital. She spent a couple more weeks in hospital later in her mateave, having the operation to correct the issue and out of her nine month mat leave, had around four months where she could not lift dgs so needed a lot of help and by the time she was back to normal, it was tine to return to work. I have colleagues who have had similar experiences where the baby was fine but their own bealth was compromised either due to the pregnancy or the birth - should they also be entitled to extended mat leave?

YANBU I totally agree and was in this position last time. For those that say it’s arguably the same as those with pregnancy health issues that have to start maternity early - it’s not. An employer can only force you to start ML at 36 weeks - premature babies are born anywhere from 10 weeks before this. We were in hospital for three months. When you go home, it is nothing like taking home a newborn. When my ML ended, I was leaving an essentially 9 month old baby who I had only had at home for 6 months (most of which was in and out of hospital). What was even more of a joke was the two weeks’ paternity.

For those saying that it wouldn’t necessarily be fair in comparison to babies born at term with health issues - a lot of babies born prem will have ongoing health issues/appointments etc, so this doesn’t distinguish them.

Our workplace are currently considering changing the policy as I’m not the only one it has happened to, and the implications are extremely obvious to them. Question is, how long it’ll take to implement as it seems my second is going to arrive early too 😕

Oh and to add, babies are often prem for very serious health issues in the mother - I had HELLP - these things tend to go hand in hand. A prem baby doesn’t just arrive like any other and then leave hospital all sorted after a brief stay. I was in HDU and didn’t actually meet her for three days post delivery.

@Herewegoagain84 I think you are missing some big points.

Just because an employer cant force you to take early mat leave doesnt mean people dont have to Amy make the decision themselves. For their own health and babies health.

And while ibaooreacaite a prem baby comes with their own struggles, lots of us had full term babies that had lots of on going health issues, ending in similar circumstances to yours.

That's the point. Having a full term baby, doesnt guarantee a healthy baby.

Always about the money

Why does it have to be either/or, Another? The policy change could provide for extended leave in both cases.

If you're in the UK you can take parental leave I think you get up to a year unpaid before child is 18. I'd consider using some of this.

I sympathise with your situation - in an ideal world everyone should be able to take the time off that they want.

BUT we do not live in an ideal world. Someone has to pay for this - both in terms of maternity pay/benefits and the cost of someone covering your work. As a business owner, it costs us nearly double to have someone on mat leave, so it is taking money out of my pocket directly (and also indirectly through taxes). How do you suggest it is funded ?

Also, where would the line be drawn ? Eg time off for men v women, sick children born at term, disabled kids ? The list could be endless.

I am female and benefitted from mat leave both as an employee and working for myself. I can honestly say I did not understand the massive strain mat leave costs place on a business until I owned one. I would think extending this would only make it harder for women of child bearing age to get work as no one would take the risk of having to cover mat leave pay, cover during mat leave and possibly re-recruitment costs if the woman doesn’t return.

Ultimately, people chose to have families and they should fund it.

In Ireland the law has changed that in the case of premature birth your mat leave begins when it should have not on the babies birth date.

The policy change could provide for extended leave in both cases.

Because I was answering someone talking about why its should specifically relate to prem births.

And let's say we did do this. Who decides how sick a child has to be? And what circumstances it applies.

And proof, will people want to have provide their children's medical records to qualify? Or do we just presume everyone is telling the truth? We dont presume someone is telling the truth when pregnant. We have thr MAT1b. Extending wont be a case of just calling up saying you qualify. And again what about women who feel they to go off early? For health reasons. But the baby is perfectly healthy when born.

There are options to take further time after the 12 months. Accrued holidays, parental leave etc. Those can be used just because you feel like its needed.

I agree partly. I feel very sad for prem families, having known a friend go through it.

However, there are many full term babies who spend a long time in hospital after birth and those families will never get that time back either.

It’s difficult

I think the idea is good in principle, but as lots of other posters have said, how does it work in reality?

What I would like to see is more flexible working options in general, so even if you do return to work, there is more opportunity to work flexi hours, work from home etc.

(I say this as someone who gave birth and works in a country where the standard maternity leave is 45 days)

I think there needs to be a middle ground.
Else those who have ‘full term’ but unwell babies would seriously lose out.

Maybe something along the lines of ‘maternity leave only starting from 34 weeks’ and any time before that being ‘sickness’ - obviously protected under the pregnancy umbrella.

I know a woman who recently delivered at 29 weeks and I imagine those first few weeks were very hard as she was very unwell herself and DS couldn’t really be touched - it looked (from the outside) much more like ‘sickness leave’ than ‘maternity leave’ for those first few weeks.

Whilst it’s awful when any baby is born unwell, I’m not sure it would be fair for Full term births to be awarded more time based on health. I think this is something every parent needs to consider pre birth - DH and I are 18+2 and have had several ‘what if X happens’ conversations. There’s always a chance you may need to extend maternity/not be able to return to a role- it’s something to consider

While I completely understand where you ate coming from its not really workable.

Extra paid leave? Who funds it?
Extra unpaid leave? Many women wont be able to afford it.
How early do you class as premature? There will always be babies born a day after cut off whose mums are upset they missed out.

There are many premature babies who do really well and are out in no time then there are others who maybe weren't born that early but are really poorly.

Don't forget you accrue annual leave while off so depending on when you are due back could use some of your accrued leave.

@siriusblackthemischieviouscat prematurity is up to 36 weeks after that it’s “early term”.
I used my annual leave before my DD’s premature birth as I was unwell and had to use those days to cut back my hours. My maternal leave started the day after she was born. Those weeks in the neonatal unit staring at a box with your child in it are not maternity leave. Anyone who says otherwise have simply no idea of the difficulty. (Not that I’m particularly talking about you, just answering your question).

@Clangus00 couldn’t agree more.

But that's and awful thing to do through for any parent. Regardless of when their child was born. Full term babies can also end up in incubators fighting for their lives and need months and years of care.

Why would just mothers of prem babies qualify, when the care required is could be the same?

Could you ask your employer for unpaid leave at the end of your maternity leave? One of my colleagues has done this and our employer was happy enough.

Yanbu at all.. It was really, really stressful and led to me quitting my much-loved job. Even years later I have ptsd and co-sleep long past the age I think I should because I can't bear to be separated :( it's not heal thy...sorry a bit off.topic

It's hard. One of mine was prem but also had a development issue, so at 12 months actual or adjusted they wouldn't have been happy in childcare as they couldn't have communicated their needs. I ended up not returning to work.

But tbh even if they were NT I wouldn't have gone back so I suppose I'm lucky.