To think moms of premature babies should get extended maternity leave?

[Neverbroken]

Just wanted to know what the view on this is.
I’m absolutely dreading the thought of going back to work when baby is still so small, I feel cheated of the time I should have had being able to bond with her because I was back & forth to the hospital. The whole experience was draining, really frustrating. Sometimes I would just feel in the way or like I was a disruption. I know I’ll never get those weeks back and it feels like going back to work is just around the corner.

anotherlongdrive

Why can’t it simply be for anyone whose child or themselves ends up in high dependency or intensive care during the course of their mat leave?? You could apply to get those weeks added at the end of your mat leave. UNPAID.

This takes care of several of your (and other posters) points

And let's say we did do this. Who decides how sick a child has to be? And what circumstances it applies.

As to this point.

And proof, will people want to have provide their children's medical records to qualify? Or do we just presume everyone is telling the truth? We dont presume someone is telling the truth when pregnant. We have thr MAT1b

Just make it an extension to the mat1b. It’s a legal document, you can’t lie to your employer. It’s not beyond the wit of man to do this.

Rather than saying “where does it end?” Can’t we say “where can we start?”

Maternity leave will be one of the first workers’ rights to be cut if the Tories win this election and Brexit goes through

Why can’t it simply be for anyone whose child or themselves ends up in high dependency or intensive care during the course of their mat leave?? You could apply to get those weeks added at the end of your mat leave. UNPAID

So would it be a set amount of time? Who gets to decide how long? Whose to say whose child is sicker?

Just make it an extension to the mat1b. It’s a legal document, you can’t lie to your employer. It’s not beyond the wit of man to do this.

And what if the medical team donr agree the parent needs to be at home. Or for as long as the parent wants. Unless we are giving an extra, say a year, detail will need to given to determine how much more is needed.

And why just high dependency. Lots of kids or women post birth needs lots of non high dependency care?

And unpaid? Lots and lots of women pr families wouldnt be able to afford to just not get paid. So actually, only wealthier people will be able to take this.

Theres also potential damage to womens careers. Even with fantastic employers, taking a year out can put your career back if lots change. But 2 years would cause more damage. Might not be seem to be important at the time. But it will be down the line.

My point is that people keep suggesting if these things but cant answer what happens with any of the many complicating factors. Which need to be thought of if its going to work.

I don’t agree (and I gave birth to a 31 weeker and also had a high risk pregnancy where I was in hospital for several weeks). It would just be too hard to distinguish and decide what makes extra leave worthy and what doesn’t. What about those who have a premature baby who dies? At the moment a stillbirth or neonatal death gives the mother 52 weeks’ maternity leave and a significant percentage of neonatal deaths are premature babies.

anotherlongdrive

I’ve tried to take each of your points in turn.

It would be for however many weeks your baby is in hdu or nicu.

If your child is in hdu or nicu they are the sickest babies in the country. It’s a good place to start.

It is nothing to do with whether the parent is at home or not. It is because the baby is still in hospital.

The point we are trying to make is that these babies are so far behind that their parents really don’t want to go back to work too soon. Of course they can choose to, just like anyone can have a shorter mat leave. But they would have the right to take longer if they wanted.

It’s unpaid because this going to end up being beyond the paid part of anyone’s mat leave anyway. So currently, you would be obligated to return to work or would have to leave work anyway, if this was not feasible for your sick child. This just provides more options.

Having a few more months on the end of your mat leave is not as detrimental to your career as leaving it!!so many people are forced to do this as their child simply isn’t well enough to go into childcare!

I think yiu are being entitled. 12 month off is plenty of time to bond. Sorry.

onlineshopping.
If the baby is in nicu or hdu, it is very clear and it would be a good place to start wouldn’t it??

I think that losing a baby in nicu must be horrendous and we came close to that several times.

It is a different thing altogether though. We can’t bring those babies back to have more time with their parents. Of the several friends of ours whose babies didn’t survive while we were in nicu, I can’t imagine any would be against those that did making up for those lost weeks in nicu.

@everythingthelighttouches yes and what about babies who are poorly but not amongst the sickest. My son was in there, I know how hard it is.

What I am saying is that premature babies arent the only ones that are sick. So why would that one situation trump others where babies were full term but poorly?

And no people arent just talking about the weeks in hospital, they are talking about the impact of the care at home too. The readmittence times etc.

If you have been put of work a year (which if you can afford the unpaid bit you would be out a year) its sets you back. Everyone knows that. As I said, you can get extra months due to accrued annual leave and parental leave.

No, I dont like the idea that only prem babies parents would be entitled to this.

And again, how many people can afford the last 3 months, unpaid mat leave. Lots of people return when there no more pay.

Unpaid extra leave would just mean that most families xouldnt afford it anyway. So how is that helpful. It's great if your OH earns really well. But if not, you cant take it.

Surely it would be good if employers were just more flexible for everyone in general?

It's a difficult situation. But not one that's exclusive to parents of prem babies.

beaverdam the whole point is that if your baby has been in a plastic box in unimaginable pain and with lines coming out of every limb for three months, that you haven’t had the 12 months that everyone else gets.

Please remember that the OP is going through this right now.

anotherlongdrive i agree. I said anyone whose child is in nicu or hdu while they are on mat leave . Or indeed if they themselves were on hdu of icu.

I agree, that it would be good that parents of less sick children were also given additional benefits.

You have been asking about how to practically manage this, so I said “why not start with those on hdu/nicu “

I agree wholeheartedly, ds (now 8) was prem, I decided against going back to work which was career suicide, but I couldn't face trusting someone else to look after him, I try not to make him too precious, but as a result of his prematurity he has some complications which made settling him into nursery even at 3 tricky. I hope you are ok? It will all be ok, ds is a strapping 8 year old and despite being summer born is the tallest in his year.

OP I completely agree.

Mine was born at 24w, stayed in hospital 217 days, had multiple surgeries & came home on oxygen.

The time in hospital was spent sitting by his bed as he fought to survive, on the ventilator, many infections and complications, waking up each day and wondering if he'd made it through the night. It's not a normal maternity leave, it is one of the most stressful experiences of my life.

When he came home he was on oxygen and many other drugs. I was more like his nurse than parent in some ways. Then he went on to develop further problems with eating etc. which created more stress and concern.

I added on 2 months of accrued annual leave to my maternity leave. By the time I went back to work he couldn't even sit unaided yet.

I couldn't afford to stay off work any longer. If I'd have been offered additional time off I'd have jumped at the chance.

I saidanyonewhose child is in nicu or hdu while they are on mat leave . Or indeed if they themselves were on hdu of icu.

Yes but you were questioning my points made around people talking about prem births specifically.

And as the post above shows, another 2 months isnt enough. It needs to several for some people, which is why I think it would become massively complicated.

One baby may really needs its parents at home but not hit the markers for another lot of months markets the another baby technically hits them but both are similar.

I really think the ops idea (to which she isnt sure of many solutions to the problems) just wouldn't work.

I couldn't afford to stay off work any longer. If I'd have been offered additional time off I'd have jumped at the chance.

But if it was unpaid you wouldnt have been able to take it?

That's the issue. This would soon become something only the well off can afford. And often they are the ones that can afford better support to the parents. More personal care for the baby, such as nanny.

I do think there should be an extension on mat leave for however many weeks from birth to discharge, so regardless of gestation if baby is in hospital for 2 weeks or 16 weeks that's what's added in at the lowest level of paid leave.

I agree 100%. I had to return to work when my son was only 4 months old, because he was born two months early. We spent the first three and a half weeks in the neonatal unit and the rest at home constantly checking on him to make sure he was breathing. I hardly slept or left the house. I felt such a bad parent going back to work when he was so young and tiny but I had no choice as my maternity leave and pay stopped. I think it should be extended for the dad's too

Beaverdam - I think yiu are being entitled. 12 month off is plenty of time to bond. Sorry.

But in my case 3 of those 12 months were while DD was in hospital, I would spend 12-14 hours by her side being unable to hold her, going home to sleep/wash/express and calling through the night to check on her. And the following 6 months I felt like I was more of a nurse than a parent as a pp said. At one point we had the nursing team visit everyday. Several appointments every week. Bonding with your baby takes a back seat to keeping them alive.

12 month off is plenty of time to bond

It's only 12 months if you can afford the unpaid period.

We did 3 months in hospital, then 3 months in and out of hospital. Then 3 months home. Then 4 months in hospital. It is harder to bond when you're in that situation, it harder to feel like you've had enough time as a family rather than as a patient / nurse.

I was lucky redundancy came up as when my 12 months should have been up, we'd been readmitted into hospital for 2 months. I'd have had to go on sick leave for stress, at full pay, for a minimum 6 months (he was in a do it until 18 months) and then possibly a bit longer for him to be well enough to go into childcare. Or possibly just quit / be paid out of the job. And in all of that, I only had a few months where he actually felt like MINE (OURS) and not some shared enterprise

@ShatnersWig I do see your point but also do I then get compensated for being that person who picked up the slack pre baby? That’s where it kind of gets a bit weird for me because pre baby I’ve worked christmases too so I’m struggling to understand that part of it.

@GU24Mum 35 weeks isn’t classed as premature but preterm there is a difference, however I do believe it should be for the cases of sick babies and have said that previously. I’m just talking about a premature baby because that has been my experience. I don’t know what it’s like to have a child who has needed an operation although we were close to that, I can imagine the situations to have some similarities.

I can't imagine what it must be like, I definitely think there should be additional consideration for those who've had premature births and/or babies who required extended time in hospital.

@Herewegoagain84 Aside from mental health thankfully I didn’t have health issues, no pre eclampsia, gestational diabetes, nothing physical. Was eating and drinking as much as I could, the only thing I had was iron deficiency which I was on supplements for. Nothing wrong with me physically pre pregnancy either. I was a prem baby, I also asked my midwife whether prematurity was hereditary to which she said no. (Ironically this was two days before she came.) It also hasn’t been investigated why she came so early.

35 weeks isn’t classed as premature but preterm there is a difference actually anything before 37 weeks is considered premature by hospital and prem charities.

However this is the whole issue with the added elave being labelled for prem babies. A baby at 36+2 might be perfectly healthy and home before due date. A baby born at 38 weeks might spend weeks in hospital and need extensive ongoing support. The Mom who got home with a healthy baby when her 36+2 baby was 5 days old doesn't need more mat leave than the 38 weeker Mom who got home when baby was 3 months old.

From Bliss @Neverbroken "Every year, over 100,000 babies are cared for in neonatal units in the UK because they have either been born prematurely (before 37 weeks of pregnancy), or full term (after 37 weeks) but sick"

I'd prefer to argue for extra leave for both parents for a child in NICU/HDU.

The biggest issue with extending maternity rights over parental rights is that each extension for mothers makes them a "riskier" prospect in a 50/50 recruitment situation before and during peak childbearing years.

It's hard enough to get a job as it is - and realistically both parents are affected. Practically speaking the person who hasn't given birth needs more time when they can physically help the mother anyway.