AIBU to ask for you all to be honest with me about my weight?

[Elmo230885]

I am really wanting some honesty advice and a bit of a reality check (please be honest but not cruel or rude please)

For context - I am a size 18/20 which has crept up over the years but have never been smaller than a 12/14 as an adult. I'm not sure of my actual weight, I just know I don't look great and I'm having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I am currently on maternity leave with my 5 month old and also have a 2.5 year old. In the past I have lost bits of weight by trying to cut down on eating and have also done Slim Fast, have never tried Weight watchers, Slimming World etc. I know I eat too much (I'm a vegetarian and my downfall is cheese, mmm pizza!) and don't move enough, but its not that simple...at least I don't think it is.

The advice I want is in relation to what obstacles are actually stopping/hindering me losing weight and what are just excuses I'm using to kid myself?

Please offer me advice, then please please (please please) set me straight when I inevitably make up excuses as to why it wont work!

It's so difficult; it's always easy to say but so hard to put into practice.

My weight yoyos, not significantly but enough to be annoying. I'm trying to increase my exercise as I'm in the car a lot so exercising is something that I have to consciously think of doing.

When my daughter was very young she made an excellent 'kettlebell', but I wouldn't like to do that now...

I'm reading the thread with interest, particularly the keto posts as this might be something I could do.

I do wish people would stop chucking around stupid stats around what percentage of weight loss is diet, and what percentage is exercise. It's bollocks; as is the adage "you can't outrun a bad diet" - trust me, you can. You just have to run a very long way. A lot.

Anyway, it's the combination of diet and exercise - what people mean when they say "healthy lifestyle" if you like - that matters.

I used to be fat. It took me a long time to accept I was fat, and even longer to accept my routine of 2/3 runs a week, wine a couple of times a week, and regular takeaways/chocolate/etc was really very unhealthy. I thought that was a "normal" healthy lifestyle. It wasn't.

These days I find running 30-40 miles a week, plus daily cycle commuting and weights/climbing/running round after the kids keeps me at a size 8-10, combined with a healthy diet of three meals, no booze, and maybe one small "treat" a day.

I feel better than ever, not at all deprived, and it's very sustainable. If you start now, OP, and knock down the excuses one by one, you could see a real difference by Christmas, and a huge change by next summer

I fitmly believe thst you need to love yourself to ensble you to mKe the right choices.
The o ly time I ever lose weight is shen I am in a good place emotionally.
Believe in yourself and your smazing body which has carries two children and is providing nourishment for a baby.
Judt try and make small chsnges like walking more and minor tweeks in your diet.
I have lost about 4 stone but it is creeping bavk on so I need to up my game. I feel so much better and my body can do so much more. This should motivate me.
Good luck op.

So sorry for typos.

Go vegan. The weight will fall off you and you'll be healthier and save animals and the planet to boot👍

Change one thing at a time and build healthy habits.
Essentially, it is eat less and move more; simple but not necessarily the same thing as easy. Different methods will suit people.

Drinking more water is a good place to start. Warm water is good at this time of year. Don't waste calories on drinks.

Avoid substituting a dodgy habit for a surrogate, if you're cutting out sugar, make genuine changes, don't just swap it for sweetners that will just leave you in the cycle of wanting sweetness. Avoid "diet" stuff, enjoy sensible portions of the real thing.

Look at food as nutrition. Recognise the value of it. Better to enjoy a small bar of dark chocolate and appreciate the iron and magnesium than feel guilt over a large portion of milk chocolate. Eat a spread of fruit/ veg, complex carbs and protein.

Allow yourself some of what you enjoy. You may have to wait for it. Sometimes you just need it to hit the spot then move on.

Sensible portions. Smaller plate. Portion control plate. Don't pile the plate up; go back for seconds if you really need it, but give yourself a chance first.

Formalise eating at a table.

Don't have a regular stock of bingable, low nutrition "junk" foods. Avoid those aisles in the supermarket. Don't demonise foods though. Don't evangelise "good" foods.

You're human. Some days are better than others. If it's a tricky day, accept it, move on. There is no "cheat".

Exercise for weightloss is debatable, but well worth doing it for its own benefits.

You feel stronger, fitter, it makes life easier because you waste less energy.

It builds up muscle which looks good and boosts your metabolism. (As a shortie, it means that my daily intake doesn't have to ressemble someone else's low calorie diet for the rest of my life just to maintain a healthy weight)

High impact activity is important to help women keep their bone density up and prevent osteoporosis. Particularly important after pregnancy and breastfeeding have potentially compromised your body's resources.

It's good for the mind, especially outdoor exercise. It can be precious "me" time.

I fitted it in around bottle refusing BFed babies. Until about 4-6 months it was short home DVDs, pram walks (brisk) and a buggy fitness class.

By about 5 months the feeds had spaced out enough that both babies could manage a 2 hour window around an exercise class/ swim/ C25k run.

By birth, SPD had left me horrendously unfit from the point of being near housebound/ on crutches. My first workout was walking 100m and going back to bed in exhaustion. That's how unfit I was at the start. After a couple of months I could walk a couple of miles which was when I was ready to go up another gear.

What exercise suits you is personal. Generally getting out is better for me. A video early in the morning when I'm first up is also good for me. I struggle with an audience. I did C25k late at night after baby's cluster-feeds finished; the pure flexibility of that was the final push to begin it, as I still wasn't well recovered from SPD for some of the moves at my previous regular classes.

Thank you all for the replies, I need to sit and have a full read through the thread but have some ideas. Its nice to know others know how I feel and have managed to change.

Going vegan isn't a magic weight loss solution. I know plenty of overweight vegans who eat terrible diets full of processed vegan junk food. Even things like vegan cheese tend to have high oil contents. I'm fully supportive of veganism, but you still have to make healthy food choices to avoid weight gain

I also doubt if a vegan diet would be great for you OP, post baby and breastfeeding, it takes a lot of planning and you might miss out on the nutrients you need (I'll say no more as I'm pretty anti veganism anyway). Perhaps you've slipped into the classic vegetarian trap though of eating too much cheese, empty carbs and other fake veggie food like Quorn. I also think diets don't work, one slip up and you've 'failed'. I know cutting carbs has worked for me and lots of others, but I think it's a way of eating for life and I also think as we get older we just don't need as many carbs or as much food in general. I think activity is good but I wouldn't rely on it for weight loss, I have a highly active job but I think my body is used to it now, I've developed extra muscles to get me through it but I won't lose weight because of it. Then again, exercise is good for you regardless, I'd probably be a lot fatter if I had a sedentary job.

You are breast feeding, and some people just don't lose weight until after that has stopped.
However, giving up sugar will help and is good for You in the longterm. Fit in exercise, whether it s classes, gym or home workouts.
Once you've stopped breastfeeding, cut right back on carbs and snacks, but don't be too hard on yourself while you're keeping a baby alive!

Hello, what really helped me was finding food and things that I like eating that are not complicated to make. So that has meant reducing my coffee to one a day and finding herbal teas that I really liked. This took trial and error.

Weight loss is mostly about diet and so don’t let not being able to exercise put you off.

Another thing you could start today is drink more water.

I bought a really nice litre bottle of amazon and gave myself a target to drink 1l before 12pm and 1l before 4pm and I mostly do it.

I would recommend slimming world as they have recipes that are simple, tasty and easy to prepare when you have a baby. You can also take your baby along.

Eg for example
Just made a slimming world friendly veg sausage casserole
Onion
Garlic
Leeks
Peppers
Pots
Sweet pots
Low fat sausages
Put in pot of slow cooker ( or u could do stove top )
With Tim toms
Mixed beans
Purée
Bay leaf
Thyme
Mixed herbs
Paprika
Chilli
It took 15 mins
Will slowly cook all day
There is enough for 6 to 8 servings so some for the freezer
I don’t exercise - apart from walking
This sort of diet can be boring
However it’s healthy
Low fat
Allows me to drink wine
Something has got to give
For me it’s cheese
Puddings
Crisps
But I can’t have ‘ it all ‘
At least am full and at a steady ish weight so I think it’s worth it
I do have choc sometimes tho

ShinyGiratina
I am short too
I have to have the above diet of diet to stay size 10

I didn’t know muscles boost metabolism
! That’s such a help to know that !!
Please tell me more and what to do to build muscle ? Am thinking light weights ( hand ) at home ..? To an exercise DVD ?

I was overweight for a decade post kids and my weight has yo yoed all my life.
Something clicked in my head two and a half years ago and I changed how I ate, how much I ate and started exercising regularly.
I lost 12kg and dropped two dress sizes and unlike before give or take the odd few pounds at Xmas or holidays the weight has stayed off
Firstly I needed to be happy in myself and I was and secondly I knew it was a forever change
For my physical and mental health I had to do it
It's harder than a diet as once I lost the weight I knew I would have to be consistent in my eating in the long term
Sorry that's probably just a bit meandering

P.S weights and resistance exercise will shift weight and help keep it off

Maternity leave is a good time to change habits. Can you start by walking a lot rather than driving, try and start an exercise you enjoy, whether swimming, running etc.
There are also decent HIIT workouts online or on DVD you can do at home, to save time.

Can your DH encourage you more? Does he help cook healthy meals? Online shopping helps me only order what we need and not lots of unhealthy snacks.

Start with a couple of changes rather than everything at once. For example switch any white bread or pasta to whole meal. If you drink tea of coffee reduce any sugar or replace one a day with water. Have salad in place of one of the pizza slices and have lemon on your salad rather than a salad dressing etc. If you try something drastic like cutting out all pizza you will carry on making excuses. I reduced my sugar intake drastically after needing fillings and felt awful for days so if your going to reduce that remove all snacks such as chocolate from the house or do it gradually as it’s easy to give in!

Ive lost almost 2 stone in the last 12 months. I feel so much better.. I have about another stone to go....

I joined Slimming world, but this time I made a commitment that I was going to go no matter what for 12-18 months. So if I was going to go I just as well try to loose weight! I have done it really slowly, and I dont buy in to all the "fake" versions of foods that get touted in Instagram with SW either.

As a PP said I didnt think I was unhealthy - yes I liked the odd biscuit, and pizza and wine but I didnt think it was that bad. I knew I hated how I looked and couldnt keep the weight creeping on though. I have realised I ate A LOT of shit. I treated myself at least 3-4 times a day and I ate my feelings - happy / lets eat - cross / lets eat - angry / lets eat.

Over the last 12 months I have found my taste buds have really changed. So if I eat loads of mayo it feels grasy, chocolate tastes too sweet. After a stint away I crave salads and baked potatoes and poached eggs.

Regarding statistics I find with me it is 90% in my head. If my head and mindset arent in the right place I cheat, fall off the wagon, have a crap week. I have also learned that I failed before ,and I think this is true for others, because when I get cross (for example) and shove a burger in my face, I used to think "ah well Ive ruined it for today / this week / this weekend, so I just as well give up and eat what I like". Now I just pick myself up and carry on making better choices and dont dwell on the fact that I havent stuck to it.

I also forgot how wonderful it feels when other people notice youve lost weight, and how much I missed getting dressed up and wearing nice clothes. Im not where I would like to be but Im committed again now until December 2020 so I just as well try to loose some more weight.

I am literally the Queen of quitting when it comes to diet and exercise. So if I can do it so can you.

Once again, thanks for the advice and also thanks for the understanding.
I don't want my weight to continue to rise. I remember it creeping up and accepting I was a size 16, then I accepted being a size 18, accepting now I am a size 20 is not an option.

In the last week I have taken the first few baby steps-

• all junk I can't resist was put in a bag and sent to my husband's work with him ( bye bye crisps!) and as I've not seen them I've not wanted them
• I did the weekly shop and the 'rubbish' food my husband wanted all had meat in it so I can't get out of cooking by throwing a pizza in for me
• I have written out meals for 2 weeks in advance to negate the risk of just cooking rubbish
• although I haven't cut anything out all together food wise due to breast feeding I have tried to balance my plate better e.g. veg taking up more space, not putting extra cheese on things and having lunch on a side plate to keep the portion down
• made sure every day I have been outside the house and have been walking for at least 30 minutes, and had a lovely hour in the rain jumping in puddles with my 2 year old over the weekend

I'm sure to some these steps may not seem much but I'm hoping it helps me kicks start a better lifestyle.

Just for my own reference... Yay I can fully fasten my coat!

I agree with GoNorth. Join Slimming World or Weightwatchers to get the weight off at first. I think WW's is better because it now forces you to eat healthy rather than follow a program like e SW (I think). Also, once you have lost some weight you will probably have the motivation to take it to the next step which is a life style change eating wise.

You can buy weights and do this at home. Also, get both babies in the buggy and take them for very long walks. I just started a new job where I am very active and already I have lost 1/2 stone in 2 weeks.

You wanted some home truths so I am going to put it down here sorry. Size 18/20 is not healthy. You have 2 small DC who need you to be around and need you to set the example. Many mums on here recoil at pointing to someones weight and commenting on it but the truth is that being overweight will ultimately cost you your health so you need to work on it. I am a stone overweight, which is not loads, but just losing 1/2 stone has made a massive difference to my energy, my mood and my health.

I was always a healthy and slim weight till I went vegetarian
I didn’t do it properly and ate too much cheese on toast and puddings and custard to feel full

Now I know there’s a better way to do it
I do eat meat again and I want to lose a stone
I’m doing three healthy meals a day

If I need a snack I’ll have fruit

I don’t want to go to classes again

Susan powters first book was a revelation to me
A real good read

I think it’s called stop the insanity