AIBU to ask for you all to be honest with me about my weight?

[Elmo230885]

I am really wanting some honesty advice and a bit of a reality check (please be honest but not cruel or rude please)

For context - I am a size 18/20 which has crept up over the years but have never been smaller than a 12/14 as an adult. I'm not sure of my actual weight, I just know I don't look great and I'm having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I am currently on maternity leave with my 5 month old and also have a 2.5 year old. In the past I have lost bits of weight by trying to cut down on eating and have also done Slim Fast, have never tried Weight watchers, Slimming World etc. I know I eat too much (I'm a vegetarian and my downfall is cheese, mmm pizza!) and don't move enough, but its not that simple...at least I don't think it is.

The advice I want is in relation to what obstacles are actually stopping/hindering me losing weight and what are just excuses I'm using to kid myself?

Please offer me advice, then please please (please please) set me straight when I inevitably make up excuses as to why it wont work!

It's nota healthy eating mind set it is something you look at in the cold light of day and it strips out the excuses.
It will be different for everyone.For me it was preop weighing and them saying my BMI out loud.No tone of voice,no hint of concern from them but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Everyone can get out once a week to buy more veg.
And no-one is saying it's easy, it's not.I am losing weigh but don't exercise,I say I don't have time but here I am on MN.I do walk a lot at work so that will have to do.
The start toy weigh gain was when I went back to work and my ex cooked in the evening more and if the food is that good then it is possible for a 5'5" female to eat the same as a 6'2" male.I am seriously having to relearn portion sizes rather than ditching junk food.

Start by downloading an app like MyFitnessPal and just record what you’re normally eating and drinking for a week or so. see if you can spot some patterns, eg snacking at certain times, or if your portion sizes are too big.

Otherwise, it really is a case of mind over matter, as I’ve come to the conclusion that the battle is won in your mind and not your stomach.. I overeat when bored, stressed or depressed, although I stop eating when anxious, but that’s not really a long term eating plan!

I’ve lost half a stone over the last couple of months by just tracking what I eat and trying to stay within 1400 calories a day. Any less than that and I get too hungry and self-sabotage. My clothes are fitting better and I’m feeling less achy too. Long way to go though to get to a healthy BMI, but this feels sustainable for me.

OMG, @LHReturns, reading your post I realised that when people say 'love your body' they mean show it love and kindness by treating it well, not 'feel good about your size', (which I always took to secretly mean 'try and pretend you're happy being fat so that you don't overeat in despair at your appearance' anyway.)

Bit of a bombshell for me - it highlights the unhealthy way I think and feel about myself that it didn't even occur to me that loving your imperfect body could be a genuinely positive thing rather than a form of 'fake it till you make it' mindgames of the kind you play with yourself when you are so conflicted about your self image.

Thanks. This is a hugely helpful insight to have! You have made a real difference to me!

Following the breakfast like a king/Queen, supper like a pauper regime, is good for losing weight. Take a doctors advice on your health and then join a gym. Your lifestyle will change now, and what with carrying the baby, & 2.5 YO, lifting out of cots, pushing prams etc, you could get back in shape in no-time. When your baby gets on to solid food, you will want to eat healthily, make carrot sticks for both of you. Cheese is really hard to give up completely, so only have it as a treat once a week, or try cottage cheese. Best wishes

You can eat better if you want to. Just start by eating less, only eating 3 meals a day with enough carbs to keep you full but don’t be ridiculous about the portion size. Treat yourself to a small bit of junk food once a day if you’re eating healthy meals- if unhealthy then you get no treat.

Once you’ve cute down on your eating then look at fitness but don’t pressure yourself to make lots of changes at once, especially when you have a small baby. Start with the small things, focus on not putting on more weight rather than loosing weight.

Look up the college nutritionist on Instagram. She has a simple formula, 2 cups veg, 5oz protein, 1oz fat etc.. at meals. I got her meal plans and they are very simple. 1200 cals a day, 3 meals, 1 snack. There is a grocery list with every week, the meals take 20mins max to make, simple and fresh.

It’s made my life so much easier and I cook extra that the kids eat as well. Bonus, it’s reduced my shopping bill by about $50 a week as I’m not just chucking stuff in and hoping it will make a meal.

Stop seeing food as punishment or reward, it is nourishment first and foremost.

• regular movement and exercise is they key to self confidence. aim for self love and confidence and a good relationship with food. Don't be mean to yourself but be sensible.

• porridge is a simple and easy breakfast with fruit in it. you don't need meat with every meal

• find an exercise you love and stick to it, do some at home on YouTube but make sure you go out and do something out of the class. lots of leisure centres are baby friendly and if your baby is still in the pram you should just check if you can take the pram in!

• simple quick and 5 ingredient meals are easiest, replace pasta and rice with quinoa, lentils and bulgar wheat etc. lots of veggies!

Was it Kate Moss who said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? She should have said 'healthy', not skinny really but in a way, she nailed it.

Pizza, for example, when you're having that, how long does the enjoyment last once you've finished eating? Does the fact that you had pizza make you happy three hours afterwards? Or is the enjoyment fleeting and over once you've eaten up?

When you put on a favourite garment to find it's uncomfortable and you think (if you're anything like me!) 'God, I'm a fat cow' or however you berate yourself, how long does that negative feeling last? Does it disappear once you find a skirt that will do up? Or do you still feel negative three hours later?

I'd bet that the negative thoughts are far stronger and last longer than the positive pizza eating feeling.

Now, think about how you'd feel if a size 12 skirt zipped up and was comfortable. Would that feeling be positive and would it be longer lasting and stronger than the feeling of pizza enjoyment?

You need to stop doing the food shopping while you are breastfeeding and caring for baby and let your DH do it with strict instructions, if needed, that everything is cook from scratch stuff. If the processed crap isn’t in your house you won’t have time to buy it. Then when the baby is a bit older you need to get yourself to the gym and slimming world and sort yourself out

Sit down and plan out all meals a week in advance. Dont by junk food or anything that tempts you. It's a lifestyle change. Diets always fail. Take walks daily with your children. Start a diary. You have to be ready for it to work. It's a mindset. All the best to you.

Once you eat more veg you’ll start finding stuff that easily lasts a week ; aubergine, peppers,squash, root veg, white cabbage, sweet potatoes etc.
The stuff that goes soft or yellow like broccoli or green beans, I use frozen. It’s cheaper too.

Do 30 day shred DVD. Takes 25 mins from putting on clothes to sweat in to the end. Massive difference to my arm shape.

Get counselling as there is a reason food is a drug for you.
Good luck
Do it for your kid

If you don't but it in, you can't eat it. No pizzas, etc. Lots of veg.

Eat between 10am and 6pm.

Exercise. I hated, HATED, all exercise. The only thing that has kept me exercising is the Zombies, Run! app. Fucking brilliant life saver.

@Elmo230885 I have no advice but just wanted to say I am in exactly the same boat. I have always been a comfortable 14 (which I know is not exactly tiny but I always looked fine) then I went on a health kick and lost weight. Since then (in 5 years) I have put on 6 stone and am
Current a size 18. I know exactly what I have to do, I know how horrendous I look and yet... I’m literally lying in bed at 7.27 thinking about what takeaway I’ll have for tea tonight. I am also vegetarian but eat total crap constantly. I am meeting a friend tonight who I haven’t seen for a year and I’m already dreading it as I know the first thing she’ll think is how much weight I’ve put on. Sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to say you are not alone

My mum has always ‘struggled’ with her weight. She’s been a size 18-20 my whole life and has tried every fad diet under the sun. She’s also bought every exercise gadget she can think of - exercise bike, mini trampoline, mini weights etc etc. But to me it’s simple, and clear when she spends a weekend with me - she eats too much and hates proper exercise. Her portion sizes are too big. She snacks unnecessarily. She thinks a 15 minute walk is an achievement and would rather die than go for an hour long walk through the countryside (hence the ‘short cut’ exercise gadgets). She also thinks her weight is something that has happened to her - she’s a victim of it - rather than accepting it’s her making. So maybe there’s something in what I’ve said that resonates with you. Sorry if I sound overly smug, patronising and bitchy - growing up with a dieter can do that to you!

I was a size 6 who went up to a size 18 in 3 years by binge eating. I was depressed and would sometimes eat a whole chocolate cake meant for 6 people in one sitting. Or I’d order a huge takeaway for myself or eat 5 chocolate bars for dessert etc.
I went on holiday abroad with an ex and I felt so awful about the way I looked and just wanted to hide myself away in the hotel room. It made me finally realise that I was wasting the best years of my life feeling terrible - I would get out of breath climbing the stairs in my house, I’d get really bad chaffing on my thighs when walking. I’d want all the lights off during sex and wouldn’t want him touching my stomach or bum etc, I’d be constantly exhausted and would sleep for 12 hours a night, my skin was bad etc.
I started calorie counting on MYFP and did Zumba workouts at home on YouTube. I also started walking more and drinking 3 litres of water per day.
I eat a healthy breakfast of something like porridge, fruit salad or an omelette. I then have something for lunch like homemade soup. I’ll usually eat whatever I want for dinner with DP (fish and chips, spag Bol. Roast dinner etc) but I will have a smaller portion and eat more slowly. I used to stuff food down me at such a ridiculous speed that I’d never allow my brain to realise my stomach was full.
If I’m ever ravenous between meals then I’ll have something like a banana.
A year later and I’m a size 12 and a lot more toned. I’d like to lose one more stone.

You need to get good at prepping. When my DS was born I was constantly reaching for the easiest foods as he cluster fed and I felt like I had no time to prepare healthy or eat healthy. I am far from perfect in my practices even now, but simple things like boiling a load of eggs, cutting up tomatoes, celery, cucumber, lettuce and popping into containers means you have some healthy ready to go to options.

Also cook in bulk . Make some healthy meals when you're husband is home and stick in deep freeze.

I take my DS out for walk every morning for my well being but he also sleeps during that time. As not so good at sleeping through the night.

good luck with it all

Give up pasta and most bread.
Far too many empty calories. They are filler, not food.
No desserts, cut down on dairy like butter and cheese.
It sounds like youre eating a lot of junky comfort food tbh. Pizza and lasagne should be really occasional. You need more vegetable based dishes, and dont cover everything in cheese. Find something else for your umami cravings, such as topping a hearty vegetable stew with a bit of maggi seasoning or soy sauce.

Get a fitness tracker to motivate you to move more

I agree with PP that said slimming world or similar, if you can get out of the house.

I have struggled to stick to healthy diets all my life but the only one that has worked for me is fasting. It's much more manageable than it sounds. Remember weight is mainly controlled by what you eat rather than exercise. It is much harder and more time consuming to burn calories than not consume them in the first place. If I were you I would be making big pots of soup at the moment. Warming in this cold weather, good for you and your kids. Good luck OP, once you get started you will feel so much better and that will be motivating in itself.

Although exercise is not enough on its own (if you still overeat) I find it really motivates you and gives such positive feelings that it makes it easier to make other changes too.
A Fitbit was a big start for me.

Ps. Just don't buy all the crap you don't want to eat. It's much easier to resist if you have to go further than the cupboard. Now is the time to encourage healthy eating habits for your kids too. Good luck!

Replace rice, potatoes, pasta with veg such as carrots and broccoli.

Not sure this is good advice for a breastfeeding woman. I'm not in the no carbs camp though.

OP, I put on lots of weight when pg with my DD, third pg and shattered all the time! I joined slimming world when she was 6 weeks and it's really helped me. I lost 3 st 3lb in about 18 months. She's 3 now and I've kept it off.

I know people on here hate sw, but I find it easy to follow, it's basically cooking from scratch, a few rules to follow to ensure a balanced diet, and allowance for treats without you feeling you've blown it. It's not a diet as such, it's a way of eating healthy and the whole family eat SW meals here.

Good luck to you.

It's almost always the amount of calories consumed and not exercise. I also have a weakness for cheese, every now and again I weigh out 200 calories worth to remind me of how little I should be eating it shocks me every time. I also spend more on small multi packs, somehow a small packet individually wrapped thing is easier for me to stick to and only have that. If I open a large pack of something I always eat more than I should because its open.

I sound very similar to you op if 10 years older.

I totally echo being kind to yourself. Find out what works for you. Lots of people will tell you to cut right back on carbs or go vegan or cut ALL wine or treats but that may not be right and sustainable for you.

I struggle on proper low carb for example (only time I've ever fainted) but have reduced them down a lot. I also don't want to live a life with no cake so I build in a small pudding most days. I naturally don't snack much in the day though or drink alcohol very much which others would not sustain.

I lost 4 stone using my fitness pal and a Fitbit but that's what worked for me.

I would say an easy win is to cut portion sizes. Just weighing out recommended serving sizes of stuff like pasta was a revelation. Fill your plate with veg you like first. Buy smaller plates!

Also coffee shop drinks were my favourite quick win mainly due to cost. Easy way to lose 200 calories and the best part of a fiver!