AIBU to ask for you all to be honest with me about my weight?

[Elmo230885]

I am really wanting some honesty advice and a bit of a reality check (please be honest but not cruel or rude please)

For context - I am a size 18/20 which has crept up over the years but have never been smaller than a 12/14 as an adult. I'm not sure of my actual weight, I just know I don't look great and I'm having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I am currently on maternity leave with my 5 month old and also have a 2.5 year old. In the past I have lost bits of weight by trying to cut down on eating and have also done Slim Fast, have never tried Weight watchers, Slimming World etc. I know I eat too much (I'm a vegetarian and my downfall is cheese, mmm pizza!) and don't move enough, but its not that simple...at least I don't think it is.

The advice I want is in relation to what obstacles are actually stopping/hindering me losing weight and what are just excuses I'm using to kid myself?

Please offer me advice, then please please (please please) set me straight when I inevitably make up excuses as to why it wont work!

why can't you do couch to 5k? Presumably your husband is at home sometimes, even if it is just at the weekend and could have the kids for half an hour and you could get two sessions in a week.

How about batch cooking healthy meals in a slow cooker? Once everything is in there is zero effort required, so provided you can find 10 mins to put everything in (maybe before your DH goes to work?) you can easily fit it around the kids and at the end of the day when you're knackered a healthy meal is ready and waiting. Freeze the extras in portion size containers and they can just be heated up on other days.

If cooking fron scratch isn't realistic for you all the time then plan for that and have healthier convenience foods available. E.g. a healthier option ready meal rather than frozen pizza and chips.

Can you limit yourself to e.g. only eating chesse on a weekend? It avoids it becoming a forbidden food you crave more whilst significantly cutting your consumption.

I remember when breastfeeding justifying the extra cake or bag of crisps as needed because you need extra calories when feeding. and once I started weaning picking at their leftovers. plus toddlers are always snacking which i happily joined in with!!! And meeting other mums for coffees or picnics, it's a constant cycle of eating in the early years!!!

but after putting on 3 stone I joined slimming world. I needed that accountability. For me it works as I have a v limited diet already due to intolerances but I can still have a little of the treats. so often i would eat lots of Free food all day then have a treat bowl in the evening with sweets/meringue or some chocolate. I no longer buy milky lattes when we go out but instead have a herbal tea. all the small things can make a big difference.

I have a v large appetite and get hangry if I don't eat enough so it worked that I am able to eat large meals and snacks and still lose weight.

Buy The Four Pillar Plan by Dr Rangan Chaterjee. It's not just about weight, but focuses on improving all four areas of your life. It also explains the physiological effect of being overweight and how it hinders your ability to change your lifestyle. It's a very sensible and accessible book. I find it hugely motivating, and while I'm focusing on mental health myself, I can see it would help with physical health too.

Find out what works for you. Lots of people will tell you to cut right back on carbs or go vegan or cut ALL wine or treats but that may not be right and sustainable for you.

Thirded. Bottom line, you need to consume fewer calories. But there are lots of ways to do that, and some will suit you more than others.

I have a 2 yo. I've lost 2.5 stone doing intermittent fasting/ 5:2. It works for me because "I can have it (cheese, a cookie, whatever) tomorrow" is about as far as my willpower stretches. I'd love to say I'm doing loads of exercise but I'm doing none, bar gardening and occasional fast walking (to get somewhere!).

In addition to this I use online shopping so that the week's meals are planned, and tend to make vast quantities of food to freeze or eat over the week - so there's never a "Fuck it, let's get a takeaway" moment. And if for example I want some curry I'll have it with a huge pile of veg but very little/no rice or naan - doesn't affect my enjoyment, and much healthier. And I'm aware that if something unhealthy comes into the house, I'm likely to eat it. So that decision needs to be made in the supermarket.

i think the majority are right, its a mindset. I'll get nowhere until I get my head in the right place.

You are setting yourself up with another barrier or excuse right there. Yes, you need to change your mindset but there’s nothing stopping you doing it now. If you wait ‘until’ your ‘head is in the right place’ there will always be something making the conditions not quite right.

You can start today by making one simple change to your mindset. Next time you think you need a snack between meals, have a glass of water and say to yourself ‘nah, I’m not actually hungry, this is a habit and I’m changing it’.

Then follow up on suggestions here, and make a plan to build on that first step. Keep building.

I also want to say it’s perfectly possible to lose weight while breastfeeding (it burns loads of calories!) while night waking, while being tired. I’ve lost four stone of baby weight twice under those conditions. You’ll read and hear many people saying you can’t, but it’s another barrier and excuse. Start today!

Not everyone's a fan, but I found a good starting place to be stocking up on weight watchers ready meals, and no other beige crap in the freezer.

It meant that whenever I had a tough day or just needed to feed myself quickly, I could do it with very little effort indeed.

Ditto tortellini, sauce, and veg. about 10m to make.

It took me a while to transition each meal, but now I have a huge armoury of quickly prepared, healthy meals that mean I eat well. But i still have WW ready meals in the freezer, which make up for those days when all else fails.

Someone mentioned the Beck Diet Solution book on another thread last week. I didn't buy it but googled it to understand the principles. It was like a switch flipped in my head and I've lost 4lbs in the last week. We've had family staying too and I've managed to say no to numerous desserts/ slices of cake, plus pizza and Chinese. It's actually been really easy thanks to the new thought process and have felt my self esteem improve as a result of being more disciplined. Just saying no to one thing gave me the motivation to keep going. I have also been tracking my calories using MFP (1500 per day as I'm breastfeeding) and been shocked by how many calories are in things and what an actual portion size is.

Stop buying pizza or eating loads of bread. Save pizza night for Friday as a treat.
Batch cook a load of healthy dishes. Eg Beany fajitas with lots of salad. You can freeze portions of the sauce ( tins of mixed beans, tinned Toms, peppers, onions, fajitas mix)
This will be one of the keys to eating healthily. Change your weekly set meals.
I second eating porridge in the morning, something like omelette or egg on toast for lunch. Fruit / carrot sticks as snacks. Or even a handful of nuts( they're high in fat but will help to stop your addiction to sugar/carbs. Stop buying bad foods, no excuses!

I also agree that it's mindset.

SW is not popular on here but it really did help me kickstart my weight loss. I won't 'diet' but I've changed how I eat and it has definitely helped me.

Poor sleep can make it hard to lose weight, with young kids like that it can’t be easy. I would just say eat more veg, I eat 5 portions of veg a day and recently (accidentally just because I’ve been busy with work) I’ve tended to eat two meals or two meals and a snack every day rather than three full meals and it’s always the way I lose most weight - it’s enough to reduce my calorie intake but not to push my body into ‘starvation mode’. So would suggest trying smaller portions and eating a little less (especially if you might struggle to fit exercise in around your kids), also eat loads of fruit, veg, oats and whole grains as something processed will have way more calories per unit than say broccoli, so you can eat a plate of a healthier option and it keeps you satiated for longer and it contains fewer calories and more vitamins and minerals! Good luck, and also remember that one healthy day doesnt make you skinny and one bad day doesn’t make you fat, so go easy on yourself! Meal planning may help too.

Also I second more exercise.it will lift your mood and resolve. You don't need to go to a class, you can walk/ run from your front door. I am doing couch to 5k and it's been amazing. I've gone from zero exercise and struggling to jog for more than 15 seconds to doing 3k 1-2 times a week and feel guilty if I haven't been able to do it.
I have more energy and am happier for it, I have more energy to do more around the house, sit less and therefore think about food less... it has so many knock on effects. Good luck, you can do this!

Make sure you eat veg with every meal.
Scrambled or poached egg on a slice of granary or rye bread with cooked (micowaved) tomatoes and maybe a few bits of asparagus or spinach for breakfast.
Sometimes instead of pasta and sauce, ill use some of those steamfresh sachets of veg and put the sauce with that. Ill also use steamfresh veg instead of rice too.
Im not against carbs. We all need carbs, but so many people just fill up on white processed carbs.
You wouldnt feed your dog such an unhealthy diet as we feed ourselves and our kids sometimes.

Also a fitness tracker watch can be really motivational. I got a huwaei honor fitness watch recently as it got higher ratings than fitbit (which review) for a third of the price. I love it.

And dont wait for mindset to kick in. You get that mindset when you work for it and feel the benefit.
Eating healthy and getting exercise makes your body and mind feel strong

Vegan slow cooking on face book is fantastic for low fat meals full of veg and protein . Eg Cajun stew .. Bol sauce .. lentil and co conut Dahl . I also make a standard tomato sauce in it and I have a weeks supply .

Start by halving your portion size and no snacks apart from a small portion of fruit not banana. It’s what you are eating that’s the problem I can’t imagine you don’t move enough if you have a young family. You are obese. You need to weigh yourself and calorie count.

Losing weight is 90% diet, 10% exercise. It’s that simple. Weight watchers teachers you how much food your body actually needs and how to feel fuller with vegetables rather than high volumes of carbs. It’s energy in, versus energy out. If you understand calories, in order to lose 1/2 a kg of body weight you need to consume 3500 calories less than you currently are. That’s about 35 chocolate biscuits if you get the picture? It takes time and persistence. You will feel amazing though when you start to achieve weight loss. Once you start to feel different and regain confidence it helps keep you on track. Good luck

It basically comes down to portion control and not eating junk

I've just lost around 10kg in 6 weeks, after paying for a few sessions with a clinical dietitian. For me it was a combination of:

• Intermittent fasting (ie 14 hours minimum between dinner and breakfast the next day, 4-6 hours before breakfast and lunch)
• High protein, low carb
• NO snacking
• Reassessing my portion sizes - it's amazing how my appetite has adjusted, I honestly don't feel hungry
• Breaking the sugar habit - the first week was rough, but now even fruit tastes too sweet

I also allow myself one meal a week where I break all of these rules. But without sending like I'm brain washed, I no longer feel the need to stuff myself with crap just because I'm 'allowed'. My 'cheat' meal normally just means having a pudding or glass of wine.

Just be careful OP. I was in your position and joined mfp- I lost 4st in less than a year, but it kick started an eating disorder that has been with me for almost 10 years now. I started out with such a healthy attitude- this is not a diet, my body is a temple etc- but if you have self esteem and/or body issues, you can slide so easily into a cycle of disordered eating. I was never as slim as this, and never as unhealthy. I so wish I could turn back the clock and not started this ridiculous situation.

It seems to me one of your downfalls is both of you being tired/busy and reaching for quick, yet not super healthy food ie pizzas, maybe a bit too often.

Maybe it would help to think of 5 other recipes or meals you could do instead on those days.

Soups - either bought or batch cooked and frozen.
Scrambled egg/omelette with leftover veg in fridge type meal
Piece of fish in foil in oven, top with pesto with microwave rice. Sides of quick to cook veg.
Filling salads with grilled fish/meat.

Kids can also eat all of the above healthily enough.

I think it helps to meal plan and have a few quick healthy recipes that you can use over and over. If you cook loads at a time then you don't need to cook every day (e.g. cook a big veggie curry, bean stew etc. and it'll feed you for 2-3 days). I think start. Things like pizza and lasagne are pretty calorific, I would see these more as occasional meals. You can track your food for a week to start with to see where it's going wrong; I found this quite eye opening to begin with. Most people actually way less calories than what they're eating imo; I looked up my TDEE online which is a good guide (bear in mind you need to take breastfeeding into account as well). I find getting plenty of sleep helps as well as I binge carbs when I'm tired.

I wasn't entirely sure whether you meant you'd done Slimming World or not. If not - I'd recommend it. You can eat cheese every day! Personally, I get a lot from going to a group every week and being motivated or using it as a tool to kick my butt into gear. WW didn't work for me but SW really does.

I also had to find exercise that I genuinely enjoy - swimming and yoga. It makes it easier to force myself to go and do it.

Essentially I try and look at everything as being positive for me. I deserve to eat well and feel good. I deserve to have happy endorphins from exercise, and to feel fit and strong. Rather than looking at it like: I can't eat that, I shouldn't do that. I'm miserable when I feel like I'm just eating rabbit food, so I know what foods are good snacks and I eat tons of them.

I think getting out walking as often as possible, with baby in the buggy is a great idea.There are also lots of exercise classes online.I follow one called The One Mile Walk by Leslie Sanson ...it takes about 15 minutes to complete.There are also lots of HITT videos .

Meal planning and maybe recording what you eat may work too...you might be shocked at what you do eat.I am following SW , but I know that’s not for everyone, however I just see it as eating low fat, low sugar, with lots of fruit veg and protein.I also try to watch my portion sies.xx

I think its supposed to be 70% diet and 30% exercise, but for best results you need to do both, because if you put on a bit of muscle then your body burns more calories even at rest

I am really not a believer in diets and philosophies like 3:5 etc. I think you would benefit from writing down EVERYTHING that you eat with calories to see what you are having and why you are going over your calorie intake. There is a good NHS calorie counter online that will help you. You have to be scrupulously honest with yourself though, and weigh quantities etc as just vaguely judging what you are having is deceptive!
Once you have done that, try to cut down to no more than 1500 calories each day. Easy ways to do this are no alcohol, less sugar and really ration the cheese (this nearly killed me as a veggie too but it is doable). If you can go for a walk with the children every day, that's a bonus. Also try something like a yoga app to do 15-20 minutes stretching before bed. If you stick to this for four weeks, writing down EVERYTHING you are eating and when you are exercising, I guarantee you will lose weight.