AIBU to ask for you all to be honest with me about my weight?

[Elmo230885]

I am really wanting some honesty advice and a bit of a reality check (please be honest but not cruel or rude please)

For context - I am a size 18/20 which has crept up over the years but have never been smaller than a 12/14 as an adult. I'm not sure of my actual weight, I just know I don't look great and I'm having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I am currently on maternity leave with my 5 month old and also have a 2.5 year old. In the past I have lost bits of weight by trying to cut down on eating and have also done Slim Fast, have never tried Weight watchers, Slimming World etc. I know I eat too much (I'm a vegetarian and my downfall is cheese, mmm pizza!) and don't move enough, but its not that simple...at least I don't think it is.

The advice I want is in relation to what obstacles are actually stopping/hindering me losing weight and what are just excuses I'm using to kid myself?

Please offer me advice, then please please (please please) set me straight when I inevitably make up excuses as to why it wont work!

Work out what you're eating too much of and cut it down. (For me, it's carbs. Some people eat too much fat or protein but carbs are a common pitfall). Stick to three meals a day. NO snacking. Weighteverything you eat. Be honest with yourself about how much you are eating. Drink plenty of water (I'm rubbish at this). Walk 10,000 steps a day, minimum. Don't get the bus if it's less than half an hour's walk.

@Redcrayons Thanks, I just don't want to use that as an excuse and still be saying it as I wave the kids off to university

There comes a point where your mind just clicks and is ready to really do it, change for life.

Until then, it's just a yo-yo cycle.

Would you mind giving a list of a few typical meals you'll make? Might be helpful for us to get a gauge for what you like to cook and eat

I have a seven month old who is EBF. At 5 months your baby will cope without you for half an hour/an hour. I get my gym stuff on and shoot out the door when DH gets in or I get up before he goes to work.

I find exercise curbs my appetite.

You need to change your self pity to determination. You absolutely can do this if you want to.

There are some Mums exercise classes near me, where you can take your baby. Frankly the 4-5 hours I spend exercising a week is my “me” time and so I haven’t done these classes, but they’re a solution if you can’t get out without baby.

Good luck.

It all sounds so simple! I don't know why it isn't.

Someone up thread said diets don’t work / ever .. and that you have to change your eating habits for good ..
What worked for me was -
Did slimming world - lost the weight
Then
Changed my eating habits based , sort of on slimming world .
I do have an issue with slimming world in that it encourages always to eat low fat - I think nuts and advocadoes are good for you .. and they are fats .
Make sure most of your food is veg and protein .
I used to eat cheese by the packet . It’s so high in calories . But lovely !
I had to decide what my priority was and I prefer wine. So I cut out cheese ( am now vegan anyway )
Now my taste buds have changed and I honestly don’t crave it unless I see someone having cheese n crackers .
I think , for me , something had to give and cheese was it as it’s addictive to me !
I still have crisps etc
But
Am very conscious of having them when I do and really enjoy them
Also if I over indulge .. which I do .. I try to make amends the next day by skipping food , eating more veg etc .. so I say .. I’ve overindulged y day .. today I skip a treat or whatever .
I don’t think just having had a baby is a good time to lose weight tho .. well not to deprive yourself ..
how about getting a slow cooker and doing loads of veg rich meals in them .. u don’t use oil , so it will automatically cut calories ( plus it saves loads of time .. just dump stuff in . Wish I had known about them wen my kids were little . Plus it is easy to batch cook in them so you will have good meals made up ready and not be tempted to have chips etc ?
Good luck

@FatAndFurious7 Thanks, you seem to have a good attitude to food. I need to give myself a good talking to, get the white board out and meal plan.

@Elmo230885lmo I think the issue is that you lack a goal to strive towards. Don't say 'I want to be thinner' say 'I want to be size 16/90kg by March 2020' and then make a plan towards it.

To motivate yourself you have to get creative. Think about why you want to lose weight, all the things you can't do because of your current size, how you want to feel about your body when you see it etc. If you want to be really brutal think of all the health issues associated with being overweight/obese and how you want to be around for your kids when they're growing up.

To help with the diet, why not use a calorie counter for a week to get a proper idea of the amount of nutrients and carbs you're actually consuming, and then make a plan from there?

Good luck!

Food I like to cook are pasta dishes (quorn lasagne, pasta bakes etc), we have pizza far too often (not takeaway, from the freezer), stir fry usually with quorn pieces and noodles... maybe i should keep a food diary for a little while

@strivingtosucceed has a good point on health - it might be a bit extreme but have you considered getting booked in with your gp for a general check up? They'll do things like BMI and body fat % as well as visceral fat %, resting heart rate and blood pressure etc.. nothing invasive at all and can be done there and then. By having those results to hand along with the charts to show healthy ranges it'll be an official piece of evidence that your health may be at risk. I had one that was organised through my work recently and it was so eye opening

OP, that does sound like quite a lot of heavy carbs and lacking in a good range of veggies. Do you think you're getting your 5 a day? They MyFitnessPal as a food tracker app, it's really great and has virtually every food preloaded that you could think of!

@Gonorth please can you share some of the vegan slow cooker food you cook? Am in a similar boat to the OP and would love some easy cook inspiration!

It's mainly food. I mean, it's great for the mental health and general health to move more (even better if it's outside) but it's changing the food that will make the difference.

Perhaps look at the stuff that isn't going to change in the short-term: you've got small children, you and DH are both tired, there isn't a great deal of spare time, your sleep is probably poor. So, what can you do that fits with that, rather than battling against it? Can you plan out the week's meals in advance, get groceries delivered, prep food during the day so it's quick to cook in the evening?

What would really, really motivate you and (if necessary) give you The Fear? It sounds like hearing your DH was worried was a strong motivator. For me as a single parent, it was realising I had to do something to stop damaging my future health otherwise the DC could be left alone much younger than they should be. Scared the (capacious) pants off me. I'm not done yet sorting myself out because it's a long journey, and because I have the kind of body that means I really can't just go with the flow (sadly!) but when I am very slowly plodding round in my runs these days, and I want to stop, I picture my DC in front of me. I keep going. If that sounds over-dramatic, sorry - I need a bit of fear to get me into gear, but what motivates you may be completely different.

I hear your pain. I am 3 stone overwight currently and very depressed about it.

I am trying to change one thing a day and embed it and then change something else.

So, I used to eat takeaway sandwiches for breakfast- or sometimes even microwaveable spagetti bolognese. or fried eggs and toast etc.

For some time now I only eat unsweetened greek yoghurt and three pieces of fruit with some flaxseeds or a boiled egg for protein. It is quite addictive now and I choose this by absolute choice. i have lost a bit. Next to tackle for me will be drinks. i am trying to move to calorie free drinks in the form of water and herbal teas. After this i am amining for salmons and veg for dinner etc. I am losing weight, but not quikcly, but the scale is going down. My problem is I try to do too much too quikcly and starve myself and then I binge eat. (I am a former bulimic so this is a real problem).

I aim to make the relevant change for a whole month to really have it 'stick' before I look to anyhting else. I have lost 8 pounds so far, and it has been quite painless.

I think you're eating far too much of the wrong things. Your diet is overwhelmed by empty carbs and very little protein. You should focus on vegetables and complete proteins like eggs. Perhaps a pescatarian diet would be much better for you.

Hi OP

as someone who's struggled with yoyo dieting / 'misinformation' since teen years, someone who changed my mindset was James Smith (look him up on insta or fbook), if you don't mind his slightly sweary approach it's really helped my whole view and relationship with food. It's really straight forward, calories in vs calories out in simple terms, you can get a calorie estimation for yourself for free on his website without having to pay etc, if you're breastfeeding i'm pretty sure dieting isn't recommended but i'd have a look just for your mindset or future reference, Really uncomplicated advice. You don't have to exercise in order to lose weight though it's great for your mind as much as your body, maybe just get yourself doing a walk out most days and concentrate on getting your steps up? Good luck

I don't think diets work because they = denial, and sooner or later you want to rebel against that self imposed denial. Plus habit, comfort / boredom eating etc

Figure out how much calories/protein your body needs to lose weight and then meal plan your favourites within that along with my new healthy recipes that you really like, weigh out your portions to begin with.

I think you need to get more organised.
Do an online shop every week. That way you're not tempted to slip sweet treats into your basket.
Find a mother and baby class (maybe yoga? or buggy fit?) so you can fit exercise into your day. It's also great because everyone there will be in the same position ie struggling to fit exercise in with a baby.
Keep a food diary with a week and write absolutely everything down. It will help you to see where you're slipping in treats or extra calories you don't really need.
Also, try to drink more water.
When DS was a baby I did buggy fit and it was great fun. Then when he got a little older, I went to Rosemary Conley. Everyone was much older than me but the combination of weighing and exercising at the class, was a great motivator.
You can do this. Good luck!

Sorry to jump on, but I have just lost 2.5 stone after gaining plenty when pregnant. I’m now back to a healthy BMI of 22.

BFing is, IMO, a great time to calorie count. I allowed myself 500 extra cals a day. So it always felt like plenty.

I meal plan, I have a magnetic “menu” board on the fridge and plan on that each week. Then shop accordingly. When I’ve had weeks where getting out is a hassle, I’ll shop online. That’s really useful with a baby. Especially now baby is weaning try and make meals we can all eat, I do most of my cooking from scratch (so I know salt content for baby is ok) but I mostly double up and freeze some. So I only cook 3-4 nights a week.

I found it easier losing weight at home on mat leave than I have before. Mostly because I’m totally in control of my cupboard and much less outside influence. We rarely had takeaways anyway, but when we did it was a curry. I do a pretty good slow cooked curry that DH enjoys too which keeps the takeaway cravings at bay.

Also saving loads of money. Been slim and healthy most of my adult life (until pregnancy when I was poorly, so stopped exercising and piled it on) but used to grab ingredients for a meal on my way home from work. Now we can go 10 days with only needing to top up fresh fruit.

In January I was a size 24, depressed & had health problems, everything was difficult.
I decided that enough was enough, I'm now a size 12 after losing nearly 7 stone.
You won't lose weight until u get in the mindset for it, I should have done it years ago.
It's not impossible, u just have to go for it & decide no more excuses, It's been life changing for me.

I understand... I genuinely do. I put on a lot of weight with my babies. Then I put on more. It was a combination of the change of lifestyle and identity, genuine PND plus other circumstances, plus massive denial. My kids are now 15 and DT13. I ended up weighing 114kg (17.9 stones thank you, google) and I am 5ft1. Everything hurt, I began to develop autoimmune markers consistent with rheumatoid arthritis. (My thyroid is also dead, which makes losing weight more difficult too, but can’t be the only excuse.) I tried EVERY DIET!!! Trust me!!! I developed chronic cycling migraines (4-5 per day) and was worried that I would end up having a stroke or epilepsy. (My migraines are linked to both.) I ended up going on a medical (not Pinterest, all you can eat bacon & coconut oil version) Keto diet suggested by my neurologist, as my brain is full of tiny scars. It was hard for about 2 weeks. After that, it was an absolute doddle. I lost weight quickly and easily. I still stick to this diet, and my weight is stable, my migraines are gone, I am on 1/3 of my icky migraine medication and I have had my rings resized to smaller than when I met my husband as I have no inflammation swelling my joints. I now weigh 56kg, which google says is 8.8 stones and my weight has been stable for a couple of years now. I have a BMI of 22, which is healthy, I look 15 years younger than I did ten years ago. I can’t begin to tell you about the psychological effects.
HOWEVER, only you can do this, and only when you’re ready. Nothing is going to work if you don’t stick to it. Yes, you will resent that you can’t eat what you want whenever you like, etc... but you get to choose the instant gratification of food in your mouth over long-term gratification of better health and self-esteem.
Please pm me if you want. I am more than happy to tell you more. I’m not a dietician or an MLM person. Just a mum who lost weight and is feeling better at 47 than she did all through her 30’s. I wish I didn’t waste my years.

Do you eat bread? It sounds strange but I don’t kiss it when I don’t eat it but when I do I crave it. I cut it out as much as possible. Also drink water and lots of it, put the baby in a carrier and toddler in a buggy and walk. Do you drink alcohol? If so ditch wine and try a gin and tonic as it’s much less calories. You should always eat breakfast as it quite literally breaks the fast. Do you know the reasons you over eat?

Are there any emotions that you are regulating by eating?

I'd recommend slimming world. Because it really holds you to account it's like AA or something... especially if you have a good consultant who you get on with. Mine was always texting me when I missed group 'is everything okay?' Etc.. it was like she had a secret sense of when I was hidden in my house chain eating biscuits lol! And the weigh in and pep talk every week i actually found really helpful.
It's easy when you are trying to do it alone, to lie to yourself... oh I'll have a day off, I'll just eat less tomorrow to make up for this etc etc... but you cant lie to a room ful of people lol
I lost 4 stone with slimming world and have kept most of it off for a few years now. It's not for everyone but i found it really helpful... the being held to account was more helpful to me than the actual diet. I think pretty much most doets will work if you actually stick to them! It's the motivation I found hard.
Like you I wasnt enormous and had always been on the plumper side of life since childhood... so I think I found it easy to sort of settle in to that weight because it wasnt extreme and I was used to it... but it was bad for my body. I have so much more energy now and my knees dont hurt like they used to.

So yeah I'd reccomend a group like SW or WW.... just because I personally reckon it's the psychological stuff that's hardest not the actual diet... it's not giving up as soon as you have a bad day.. its finding ongoing motivation