AIBU to ask for you all to be honest with me about my weight?

[Elmo230885]

I am really wanting some honesty advice and a bit of a reality check (please be honest but not cruel or rude please)

For context - I am a size 18/20 which has crept up over the years but have never been smaller than a 12/14 as an adult. I'm not sure of my actual weight, I just know I don't look great and I'm having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I am currently on maternity leave with my 5 month old and also have a 2.5 year old. In the past I have lost bits of weight by trying to cut down on eating and have also done Slim Fast, have never tried Weight watchers, Slimming World etc. I know I eat too much (I'm a vegetarian and my downfall is cheese, mmm pizza!) and don't move enough, but its not that simple...at least I don't think it is.

The advice I want is in relation to what obstacles are actually stopping/hindering me losing weight and what are just excuses I'm using to kid myself?

Please offer me advice, then please please (please please) set me straight when I inevitably make up excuses as to why it wont work!

Im also vegetarian and my dh makes me cheese heavy lunches most days . I dont complain or id have to make my own...

So i joined a vegan recipes facebook page to get ideas on Losing the cheese!

Snacking in the evening really impacts on my weight. Can make the difference by half a stone.

But i do eat frequently throughout the day, constant access to raw veg and fruit. That way im never so hungry i overeat at meal times.

When I was larger growing up and serious about losing weight; I still ate when I wanted however I always opted for the healthier option (ex: lunch was always usually McDonald’s or the Chinese buffet opposite to work so I started going to Tesco or Sainsbury’s and would buy a meal deal and make sure I’m eating just that. I would also get something healthy so instead of a overfilled sandwich with crisps and fizzy drink, I decided to get a healthy and large salad, a fruit pack or a light snack and then instead of fizzy I ended up just having water to help flush my system. Also I remember someone telling me that sometimes when you feel hungry; it’s not always hunger. It could be that your dehydrated, so I got in the habit of whenever I felt peckish - I’d have some water first and see how I felt. if I was still hungry after drinking then I would eat.

I used to hate walking and hate exercise (in fact, I still hate exercise and still to this day have never step foot in a gym) but I knew I wanted to get more active so I started small. I would get off the bus stop one stop earlier than usual and I would walk the extra distance to get to my destination.
Anywhere that had a lift and had stairs - I always opted for the stairs. Even if it meant I took longer getting to the top.

I started accepting and realising that I wanted to dress nicer and unfortunately it was sometimes tricky finding the clothes I WANTED in my size. So I had to start thinking about dropping the weight so I could actually get the stuff I wanted rather than clothes I would buy just to cover myself or just because it fit.

I also kept quiet about my health journey. I felt when I told people I was on a diet or loosing weight I felt more pressured and I felt like a failure sometimes if I fell off the wagon.
Once I was 100% sure I don’t want to live like this anymore, I kept quiet and focused on what results I want to see and not thinking about a specific time frame or to look a specific way but I just wanted to FEEL healthier.

By the time people started commenting on how much weight I was loosing it made me feel good. Especially as I wasn’t trying to be skinny, I just wanted to feel healthier and happier. And I was. And felt even happier when people noticed - and not because I asked them but because they saw for themselves and would tell me how much healthier I look.

It was onwards and upwards from them really and honestly I’ve never gotten to that size again. I was about 18/20 and I was 18 years old. By the time I was 20 I was a size 14/16 and by the time I was 21 I was size 12/14 and I have never gone past that since.

I feel like my attitude to health just changed and I am now a lot more aware of trying to make sure I’m happy and healthy

Have you thought about meal planning and then only buying for that plus fruit? Also ensure you drink enough every day, lots of people eat, when they really need a drink (of water, for example).

I am in my 50's and developed weight gain post-menopause. It wasnt shifting. But I had to move to a reducing acid-reflux diet.

I am vegetarian but the diet has moved me more towards vegan and more than 5 portions of VEG. One of the items I have had to reduce is high-fat items. So most cheese had to go - low fat cheese is pretty awful - so I am eating a lot less cheese than I used to. (I indulge on special occasions)

I am reducing alcohol (probably a big calorie item for me) and I dont have a sweet tooth so cutting cake and biscuits out was easy. Could you find an easy opt-out?

I have lost 1/2 stone in 6 months - and kept it off.

I have increased exercise by doing a dance class once a week (could you do similar-ish - get help with babysitting?) and power walking (please note not jogging!)

OP how kind to yourself are you?

When you think about your body do you look in the mirror and think how disgusting you are, and grab handfuls of flesh, and hate your clothes, and hate that other people can do it but you can’t which must mean you are a useless person?

Or do you realise that your body is incredible - not only does it keep you alive and do everything it can to deal with subpar food and booze etc, but it also carried your beautiful children, and keeps you able to breastfeed and also get up every day to look after those babies? And tell yourself that maybe as your body has been so good to you for so long, maybe it is time to cherish it back, and really look after it with lovely, simple, non processed foods that will help it to perform for you for many many years to come? Do you love your body?

I’m sure there needs to be some willpower and determination etc etc etc, but I also think you can afford to be really kind to yourself as you embark on this exciting journey once and for all. Treat you and your body with the love it deserves.

Is this completely ridiculous or does it help at all? I’m not sure as I’ve had some wine, but this switch has helped me when I have wanted to look after myself better so I feel better.

I could have written your post OP, am in exact same situation (with toddler and baby).

As a pp said, your mindset needs to change. I thought ahead 10 years and realised I didn't want to be an unhealthy, overweight role model for my children. My mum (late 50's) is having health problems relating to her weight, after being obese since I was a child and it motivated me to start to make changes.

I am making tiny ones, that I can stick to, so that when I return to work next year I don't go back to the same bad habits. Every time I think I'm hungry, I'm having a glass of water. Generally after that I don't feel hungry and can wait until my next meal. I am allowing myself two fruit snacks per day if I need them but generally don't if I eat a decent lunch.

Mum and baby yoga class during the day is great for rebuilding strength and means I am fitter and enjoying walking with baby and toddler more.

I think it's a long road but I just feel different about it now to how I always have (yo-yo'd up and down previously). I have lost weight for 5 weeks in a row now so feeling positive.

I also kept quiet about my health journey. I felt when I told people I was on a diet or loosing weight I felt more pressured and I felt like a failure sometimes if I fell off the wagon.
Once I was 100% sure I don’t want to live like this anymore, I kept quiet and focused on what results I want to see and not thinking about a specific time frame or to look a specific way but I just wanted to FEEL healthier.

Yes this explains what I'm doing very well. I haven't set targets or really told anyone. It's like I flipped a switch in my mind and I've just decided to be healthier and happier.

Losing weight is one of the best pick-me-ups going. I know it’s difficult and I know it takes a long time but if you think about how you would feel if you lost a lot of weight then surely it’s worth the effort.

This is about you and your happiness.

On the 1980s I lost 5 stone in 6 months after having my baby by sticking to a 1200 calorie diet. 40 years later I lost 7 stone after bariatric surgery after a lifetime of your dieting.

My mother has always been slim and says she maintains her weight by weighing herself everyday. If she puts on a pound she diets to lose it right away.
Staying slim takes a huge amount of self control and self disciplane which most of us don't have.

Buy lots of fruit and veg- tinned or frozen is equally good. Stuff you can snack on like some types of veg or fruit. You can eat a lot of these without it being many calories at all- snack on them or make meals with smaller portions of the actual dish but lots of veg- for instance you could have a bit less of the pizza as a meal but accompany it with a big salad.

A lot of people do find WW or SW helpful for a while, but you have to keep some good habits after you stop losing weight, or it'll all creep back on. You can do WW or SW online if you're not able to go IRL.

Another thing you could try- probably after you've stopped breastfeeding, you'd have to check, is the tablet Orlistat. It stops the body absorbing fat, so it's easier to lose weight. Your doctor can prescribe it, or you can get it in Boots at a lower dose under the trade name Alli. People do have to be quite careful what they eat on it.

Best wishes xxx

P.S. A lot of mums do exercise DVDs, or nowadays there are loads of workouts on YouTube you can do.

You don’t need an exercise class with a double buggy. Just arrange your do one thing a day a 45min walk from home. 90 mins per day pushing a double buggy is plenty of activity if you watch your food too.
For me sugar and white carbs are the enemy - they burn so fast I’m hungry again in an hour. Eat protein and healthy fat and Dutch the sugar.

I used myfitness pal. Its a simple calorie counting app that counts any calories you eat and any exercise you do Inc walking. So you don't have to punish yourself too much. You just have to stick tk the amount of calories. I ate a cream éclair for breakfast because I could. If you're breastfeeding then you'll also lose weight from that.
Stick to the calorie counting. Add in all the walking you do and you can do lots of that with your toddler and little one and don't go over your limit, you'll see the benefit in a couple of weeks I'd say and it's relatively easy to stick to.

Try to go for a walk around the block everyday and then build it up. It's not even about the cardio/calories to start with but making that connection in your mind that everyday you exercise. Once it's an ingrained habit, as much as not going is, it doesn't feel like such a hassle.

You’re entirely right, it’s pointless until your head is in the right place. When it is, you don’t need ‘self control’ or whatever, you just do it. I used to tell myself ‘No excuses’, no matter what, no matter how busy I was or what shit happened in life, I wouldn’t deviate or cave to put rubbish in the oven/my mouth/fridge surf constantly.

It was my mantra-no excuses, but I know it is extremely difficult to stick to that with a new born and a toddler.

Another tip OP is to not think of your new meal plan as a “DIET”. I personally hate the word and the thought of being on a diet always threw me off and made healthy eating seem harder as it felt like something I HAD to do as opposed to something I WANT to do.

I remember after having my son and not even remotely thinking of my post baby body and getting back into shape. I would take him out in his buggy and go for a walk for an hour or so a few fines a week. It was mainly to chill him out and give myself some fresh air to help de stress. No joke, I snapped back to my pre baby weight and even slimmer than then in no time. Again I think because it wasn’t a chore in my head to loose weight - it was more that I wanted to refresh my mind and unwind - it became something I wanted to do and so became a habit of mine and it made ‘exercise’ enjoyable. Even though I didn’t know I was exercising IYGM

Good luck OP

Don't diet. If you call it a diet it makes it sound like you are doing it just to lose weight and it's a temporary measure, you'll think about it that way too. You need to change your eating habits permanently. No fads, just eat healthily and equally no "forbidden foods". Find an exercise you like doing, taking the baby out for a walk counts so no excuse there, do whatever, as long as it gets you moving and your heartrate up it's a step in the right direction. Make small but permanent changes.

I've just described what my mum did to shed 5 stone. She managed it having been big (size 18-22) all her life (bar the times she lost weight and then piled it back on!), this was 5 years ago now. She eats normal, mostly healthy and goes to the gym 3 times a week she's a size 12 now and is happy. No weird fads or following points etc. She's done amazing to keep it off.

@Elmo230885 It sounds simple, but it really isn't. As you can see from this thread, different things work for different people. You have to find the thing that works for you. But the main thing is, I think, to focus on being healthy rather than being thin. That means a healthy diet and enough regular exercise to get you out of breath.
My weight's been stable for about 10 years now (like you, I don't weigh myself and am now around a size 10). I wouldn't dream of calorie counting, but I also hate measuring my steps - that's just not me. I enjoy exercise, especially the more you do, and that works for me to help me lose weight when I feel I need to (clothes too tight or just not feeling good). I love vegetables, which really helps. I try to notice the little things which aren't helping, eg that piece of toast and peanut butter mid morning which becomes a habit. Try to stick to 3 meals a day. And get plenty of sleep - worst thing for priming you for sugar is tiredness.
Good luck. You're making the first steps by owning the problem.

It’s interesting that you don’t know what you weigh. I know when I’m gaining weight I stay far from the scales. The first step to losing it is facing up to it. Weigh yourself and acknowledge your starting point.

It is mind set.Until you have a good motivating reason it doesn't work.
Maybe make your target healthy eating,I know your partner doesn't need to loose weight would he join you on eating better as he is concerned too.
Your real motivator should be your children learning better habits.
You do need to meal plan together,plan 7 days but buy in a frozen pizza to sub one day if you're both too tired(don't get take away-too tempting to go big and get extras).
You will also save money.
But you have to find what motivates you and I speak as one finally shifting the baby weight.She is 16!

". I end up eating the same as him."

You don't mean the same amount I Hope?

I'm in the process of losing weight. Have been a keen exerciser all my life, hasn't helped. I have had to accept that my portions need to be half that of my sister, who eats a lot. It took me a while to realise there was no point looking at others and saying "but if they can eat that..."

I need to do exactly the same as you OP. I don’t know where or how to start tbh. Think my gp is despairing of me!

I think life is so busy with work and kids that I don’t have time to even think about what my mindset towards my weight is. My daily diary would be full from 6.30am-10pm with work and meeting kids needs, then I’d have to schedule in half an hour of “working on developing a healthy eating mindset”’while the 10 o’clock news was on.

And how do you top up with fresh fruit and veg - it’s all gone or gone off after 3-4 days. Chances of me getting to a shop in the week are pretty much nil! Just order fresh stuff online as a smaller order?

Arborea re slow cooker recipie s
Yes course !
They are mainly from vegan slow cooker face book groups .,I will look them up..

I absolutely can't resist eating whatever is in the house so I do my weekly grocery shopping online and don't buy any snacks except healthy things like nuts, fruits, baby tomatoes etc. I make sure I do it when I'm full as well so I can completely disassociate from what I'm buying. In the beginning I would open the cupboards/fridge every 2 min out of habit as if a delicious chocolate will have magically appeared in there since I last looked. But I do it less and less now and when I do, I'm actually excited to see the crackers rather than being disappointed about there not being any chips/sweets.

So whatever is your downfall, shop when you're not hungry and don't bring it in the house at all!

I can’t advise on dieting as such but if you are breastfeeding you shouldn’t starve yourself.
It can’t be easy with two little ones, but if your weight is bothering you unfortunately some sort of effort will be required to get back to the size you were. More like discipline, force yourself to do it, so you need to allow yourself half an hour a day to either be a bit more active or prepare healthy food for the day ahead just for you (for ex. A box with cut up pieces of raw broccoli, cauliflower, broad beans, carrots, peppers etc, cups of herbal teas without sugar and so on)
I’ll list what comes to mind in case some suggestions will be achievable to gradually integrate in your daily routine. Sorry it’s all boring but I’m not convinced food has to be exciting all the time because we are not 4 year olds, we should eat to be healthy and have energy and sometimes all the fancy looking stuff can encourage us to eat more. A lettuce is a lettuce regardless of how you shape it and place it on a plate, if you think or know it’s good for you just eat and be done with it. Simple presentation might help you see food in a different light. Deconstruct everything: what’s in a pizza? Put the separate cooked ingredients on a plate and it might not be as appealing. Sorry, I digress ... here we are

When food shopping either reduce items you know are not helping you or replace with calories poor but healthy alternatives.
either cut down on bread items or cheese items or cut down and replace with raw vegetables
Reduce what you eat, for example instead of two blueberries or two pieces of chocolate eat only one and put the other one back.
If you consume sweet things try and cut down if possible (no sugar with your cup of tea etc)
Try and stop eating your meal when you are halfway or 3/4 of the way through.
Drink more water throughout the day
Don’t assume you are actually hungry every time you are hungry, wait 10minutes, or have a glass of water, if you are hungry you know eventually. Chew some herbs like parsley if you feel like you must eat something when you know you are not hungry.
A hard one, but set yourself a rule that you can’t eat upstairs, in the car, on the street or when watching TV or anything similar you can think off that you can stick to.
Go out of the house for a walk for half an hour every day regardless of the weather - yes it will take you an hour by the time you get the kids ready before and after your walk but it will be time spent just with them whilst you are active.
Above all, be nice to yourself, make time for yourself (start with 5min, even if you just stare at a tree in silence) be realistic and set yourself a reasonable time frame of say 6 or 12 months.