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Original poster

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
mellicauli · 28/10/2019 20:41

I think that sometimes when you do someone a massive favour it backfires as it makes them feel bad about themselves. They feel somehow beholden to you and they don't like it. So then - maybe subconsciously - they create some stupid drama to get themselves out of it and no longer feel beholden but without the expense or inconvenience of actually paying you back..

The same happened to my Mother in Law once when a friend came to live with her.

BTW - How could she sit there and watch you budget for £30 food and then buy herself an expensive jacket? What sort of person does that.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/10/2019 20:44

I am thinking of what my reaction would be if my best friend (also 20years) did this ?

To be honest I would really worried that she was ok ?

If like mine, she had been a great friend before, there is something obviously setting her off. I wouldn't think her a rubbish friend now or want to throw her out. I would be worried about her and probably just send her a message saying along the lines of come home so we can sort it out.

It needs to face to face , but I would try and sort it out and not loose a 20year friendship.

GabsAlot · 28/10/2019 20:49

Wow just caught up-what a cf she really is how nasty and after everything youve done for her-not only the accusation but eating your food and watch you struggling id offer to buy the monthly shop for letting me stay there even for a minimal amount

I hope its sorted out but she just doesnt sound very nice and all for a centimetre rip yes rip on her coat

Asschercut · 28/10/2019 20:49

So, is there anyone on here that would, if they had a secret grudge on a 'friend', take a very sharp knife and put a tiny cut in their friends new coat? Is that even a thing?

justasking111 · 28/10/2019 20:50

Wow she has acted badly.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2019 20:50

I think I would have responded to her reply; "Talk about it? Either you accept that I am telling the truth in which case no further conversation is needed or you think I am/we are lying in which case further conversation won't accomplish a thing".

Either she believes you or she does not. If she doesn't, then she needs to find other accommodation.

Tink1990 · 28/10/2019 20:52

I feel so bad for you OP. She is at fault, not you at all.

Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 20:53

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

This is the exact reply.... minimising/hiding/what??
No acknowledgement of the issues I raised in text

"I'm gonna be out till late tonight. Can we leave this till tomorrow please thanks"

Oh gawd....reply please??

I'm thinking asking her to stay out now, I've been fucking nice enough right??

I'm fucking stumped as to why no acknowledgement of anything I have said.

God she's really not my friend is she?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 28/10/2019 20:54

@ purplepalace Smile

Or just answer the door with just the cut off Barbour sleeves on over a tshirt, and the little tag glued on to it.

Pinkyyy · 28/10/2019 20:55

"get fucked" should do nicely. Maybe "get fucked in your fucking coat" if you're wanting to elaborate.

Preparingfor · 28/10/2019 20:55

Think I'd be tempted to tell her to get her sorry arse back now if she wants to salvage the friendship

LazyDaisey · 28/10/2019 20:56

“No. You don’t get to say the things you say in my house in front of my child and then dictate to me in this manner. We will discuss your vile accusations this is evening or you can come and pack your stuff up.”

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 28/10/2019 20:56

Anyone else singing "I'M A BARBOUR GIRL, IN A BARBOUR WORLD....." in the head, or just me? Grin

mummmy2017 · 28/10/2019 20:57

Your reply.
You started this.
You accused me and mine wrongly.
Does are friendship end over a jacket?

Butterfly005 · 28/10/2019 20:57

That's frustrating! To be honest I think at this point you're more than entitled to say she can't come back. You've been incredibly reasonable so far and this must be pretty stressful for you.

CalmdownJanet · 28/10/2019 20:58

Nah fuck her, text her "Look let's just leave it, you've shown me who you are and what you think of me and my family. Stay out tonight and call tomorrow before lunch for your things"

Star81 · 28/10/2019 20:58

I would say no. I think this needs dealt with ASAP.

I think she’s trying to buy time as she knows she’s pushed you too far.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 28/10/2019 20:58

I'd reply don't bother coming back

HeatedDryer · 28/10/2019 20:58

I would have to reply

We discuss this tonight or you can leave my house tonight, your choice.

3luckystars · 28/10/2019 20:58

'No problem, I'm glad you realise that you can't stay here after what has happened. Please collect all your things and leave tomorrow. I will be glad to put this behind me.'

CanISpeakToYourManager · 28/10/2019 20:59

"If you want to resolve this come back now and speak to us about it. Otherwise find somewhere else to stay immediately."

Aveisenim · 28/10/2019 20:59

What @LazyDaisey and @AcrossthePond55 said. Maybe combine the two.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 28/10/2019 20:59

"You have accused me or someone in my family of deliberately cutting your coat. I have been very upset all day about this, and Dad and husband are equally upset/confused. I'd prefer if you didn't stay here tonight. We're all still quite upset. I'll let you know tomorrow if I'm available to talk. Although I don't really know what's left to say."

AloneLonelyLoner · 28/10/2019 20:59

I'm with @LazyDaisey on this one. Get her back to the house now, get an explanation and ask her to remove her stuff. I've been following this all day, gobsmacked, unsure of what to write.

She needs you. You don't need her (you could always get a lodger if necessary). I'm so sorry. It's awful when a friend does this. It sounds like she's either got mental health issues or an actual disorder of some kind (cheekyfuckery syndrome)

messolini9 · 28/10/2019 20:59

I'd been defending MsRentaroom iothread, but since the text exchange have done a 180 turnaround.

@LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut, agree with pp who have picked up on the 17 years comment. Some very good points have already been made about that, but to add another -
Seems like Rentaroom is undermining you with that specific pedantry. Because if she can catch you out in an inaccuracy over specific number of years, she can use it to cast doubt on your veracity on all the other points too.

To give you an example, exhusband was a coercovely controlling, workshop alcoholic. At the end of a 19 year tether, I challenged him about his latest escalation into necking spirits on the daytime.
His response was "it wasn't 2pm ot was 3pm!!!".
You see what I'm driving at? One inaccurate slip of the tongue from his over burdened wife meant he could dismiss the entire premise.

I'm so glad you're not falling for it.
Very sad & frustrating for you.