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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
messolini9 · 28/10/2019 20:14

Coming up next week, who took a dump in my Hunter wellies?

😂😂😂😂😂

tensmum1964 · 28/10/2019 20:15

Shamelessly following. Need to know the outcome Lol.

Loveislandaddict · 28/10/2019 20:15

I still can’t get over that she brought a Barbour, whilst lodging at yours. Who has spare cash to buy a Barbour?

PineappleLumps · 28/10/2019 20:16

Me love a Barbour actually

LonginesPrime · 28/10/2019 20:16

She's not back yet

If she's not back before you go to bed, leave a mountain of roast potatoes piled up on a plate in the kitchen, in case she feels peckish when she gets in.

singymummy · 28/10/2019 20:17

Fuckin Rebekah Vardy*
*
Grinthat has proper made me chuckle!

Hope she does come home OP so you can roast her Wink

Funguy · 28/10/2019 20:17

I'm shocked at people who insist on compounding the problem. It seems your friend has further issues and this is just one of them.
She is very ungrateful. Even if someone HAD snipped her coat, she has benefited form your family's kindness.I would have thought.
Sometimes when people owe someone something, they turn on them.It

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 20:17

I'm just glad OP, gets us mumsnetters and comes back to update .. tis appreciated Lady Flowers

k1233 · 28/10/2019 20:19

Blinking heck, I've been sitting here imagining the type of rip you've mentioned and trying to remember where I've seen similar. Just dawned on me - canvas horse rugs get tears like that. They're not a rip and look really neat on the edges and are straight. I've also done it to my clothes but can't quite remember how at the moment.

Interesting to hear what she says when she gets home.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 28/10/2019 20:22

Good luck OP.

TripleSeptic · 28/10/2019 20:22

You know what's wrong with her though, don't you?

She's all Barbour coat and no knickers.

Good luck with the chat, OP, better to find out now, than in another 17 or 20 years that your friend thinks so little of you. You sound like a diamond Wine Flowers

purplepalace · 28/10/2019 20:24

She's ashamed of her terrible behaviour. She's hiding at Barbour boy's place (or other posh friend)

Because she knows she's fucked up she'll be trying to convince herself she's in the right here (her friends will be stroking her ego and gossiping about the jealous commoners who slashed her coat consoling her).

She will leave with fresh confidence, convinced you've vandalised her coat.

Andysbestadventure · 28/10/2019 20:30

Barbour coats aren't even nice 😒 and look shite after 6 months.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 28/10/2019 20:30

Anyway, she should be thanking whoever did the damage, doesn't she know the only good Barbour is a well-used Barbour - brand-new ones are just so nouveau? Grin

itswinetime · 28/10/2019 20:32

She's not ashamed of her behaviour...she's controlling the story...She doesn't want to talk to you in front of everyone because it's harder to paint you as the bad guy if there are witnesses!

MyNewBearTotoro · 28/10/2019 20:33

Good luck for the big chat!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/10/2019 20:33

Your friend is an idiot. Only an idiot would do anything to alienate a friend as lovely as you. She really doesn't know how lucky she is was.

RandomWok · 28/10/2019 20:34

@LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut you are just a nice person that has had the piss royally taken out of them. It's easy to see what's going on when you are not emotionally involved. You are a lovely mate and the cheeky bitch does not deserve you!

The whole "we've done a test" is pretty fucked up. Why would it even cross someone's mind to do that. Surely you'd just ask instead of fabricating such a story. Is she normally like this? Because she's come to some wild conclusions.

FrancisCrawford · 28/10/2019 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 28/10/2019 20:34

Did anyone else have to Google "Barbour"?

Babybel90 · 28/10/2019 20:35

Jesus, £200 on a Barbour jacket when she’s living practically rent free in a friend’s house!? She’s obviously not the most sensible person in the world! I’d be ashamed to be walking around in something so expensive if I wasn’t paying my fair share.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 28/10/2019 20:36

@HowlinProwlin I totally agree that is a much better idea.

I don't think she has the balls to show face to you all tonight..she will probably come tomorrow when it's just you and dc Gin

wineisnecessary · 28/10/2019 20:36

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre you beat me to it Grin totally googled and I'm like Hmm ok !

Soulstirring · 28/10/2019 20:36

Far too invested in this!

purplepalace · 28/10/2019 20:41

Wouldn't it be fabulous if awful friend arrived home tomorrow and OP answered the door wearing a brand new Barbour coat!? Wink

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