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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
CanISpeakToYourManager · 28/10/2019 19:20

It is all very well trying to understand where she is coming from and what is behind this behaviour, but OP isn't her mum. She has an actual child to protect, who has already been affected by this shitty adolescent behaviour.

Preparingfor · 28/10/2019 19:21

Whether it was the security tag or not doesn't really matter, she accused the OP of a dreadful thing.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 28/10/2019 19:22

Make sure theres no left over dinner for her to eat when she comes over.

Happityhap · 28/10/2019 19:23

HelloGeeniee, I bet it was a damaged one the shop had whipped into the bag, instead of the one she tried on.

Gonetoget · 28/10/2019 19:26

It doesn’t really matter how it’s ripped, but it says a lot about her if she automatically assumes a long standing friend would deliberately damage something she clearly treasures.
Can’t even begin to imagine how she’s managed to rally people behind her over a 5mm tear and you’ve not noticed that she’s a bit of a princess before this?

OneTerrificMouse · 28/10/2019 19:28

She stole your roast potatoes?

What da fuk?

That is unforgiveable.

3luckystars · 28/10/2019 19:30

I know!!

She wants to move in with her rich friend and needed to orchestrate a falling out so she is really stuck for accommodation.

She is a sponge, get rid of her and dont even bother discussing it because she is a liar. Write down everything she said today in a piece of paper so she can't rewrite it. Keep strong.

And contact Colleen Rooney.

earlynightneeded · 28/10/2019 19:32

Wtffffff is she back yet?

Onescaredmuma · 28/10/2019 19:33

Not read the full thread but have read all your posts OP your friend is the most unreasonable person I've ever read about on here she sounds bat shit. You on the other hand sound lovely I'm sure your feeling shit right now (I massively struggle with anxiety so can easily imagine how stressed you feel) but try not drive yourself mad over this the problem is very definitely hers and not yours Flowers

LikeTheOceansWeRise · 28/10/2019 19:33

Christ on a bike, she sounds unhinged. Good luck OP, she's a fool to be awful to a friend of so many years. And you have handled it in such a lovely way!

I hope she enjoys the family intervention called purely because of her obscene posh coat murder mystery Hmm

Coming up next week, who took a dump in my Hunter wellies?

ChikiTIKI · 28/10/2019 19:36

Major drip feed with the roasters. My first ever LTB. Hope you're alright.

HowlinProwlin · 28/10/2019 19:42

@Purpleneonpinkunicorns

Oooh no.. make sure there ARE some delicious left overs when she gets in... but make sure theres zero opportunity for her to get any without asking nicely first (or just get yourself seconds and don't offer her any at all of course).

Yes, yes I am evil.

CustardySergeant · 28/10/2019 19:43

I keep thinking that the OP is going to update with 2 words "She's gone". Does anyone else?

Undecided84 · 28/10/2019 19:46

I agree with other posters who say that she resents being in the situation of living with you (consciously or unconsciously).

She's looking for an argument to precipitate her leaving, but one where she can blame it on you being unreasonable rather than acknowledge that she wants to leave due to her own envy and resentment.

It's a bit like when romantic partners start behaving like arseholes so that you will dump them.

MyOtherProfile · 28/10/2019 19:47

Is she back yet? I bet she goes out clubbing and comes home drunk and noisy at 3am.

BlueChangeling · 28/10/2019 19:51

I think the saying "no good deed goes unpunished" fits well. I can't believe that she's treated you like this after you welcomed her into your home

stayathomegardener · 28/10/2019 19:54

She will definitely creep in late to avoid everyone and then ambush you alone in the morning.

I'm so sorry your DP has had a heart attack, he really doesn't need this drama during his recovery period. Any friend would know that and not keep him waiting up tonight.

billy1966 · 28/10/2019 19:56

OP

As someone advised above, don't rush into to reply to her, take you time to process your response.

I didn't realise your DD witness this display.

Well of course that would just finish me.

How dare she accuse your family in front of your son.

Absolutely 😠.

She is a complete disgrace.

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 19:58

Because I know how this shit goes down on MN (a very old hand!) I can't leave you all hanging cos you've been fucking lovely.

She's not back yet, nor has she responded to my texts, strangely......

I'm actually thinking that she might stay at Barbour Boys after the threat promise that she had to speak to Dad and DP face to face.

Just about to have dinner, will be back in an hour.....

OP posts:
Gfplux · 28/10/2019 19:59

This is all so complex and strange......and sad.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 28/10/2019 20:04

I love my husband more than anything, but if he ate all my leftover roast potatoes without asking, he’d be dead to me ;)

Chickydoo · 28/10/2019 20:05

She sounds a nightmare!
Bet she's not responded as she's trying to think how to worm her way out of this.
Hideous situation for you

EKGEMS · 28/10/2019 20:05

Thehidgeofthehedge Well it was the sponging friend of the OP who ate the potatoes not the husband

timshelthechoice · 28/10/2019 20:08

Get rid of her. She's not ever going to own up to this or chat or apologise or any of that. She sees you all as mugs she freeloads off.

Queenoftheashes · 28/10/2019 20:14

Fuckin Rebekah Vardy