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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
HowlinProwlin · 28/10/2019 16:30

The more I read the more I think she wants you to kick her out or fall out with her so she has no choice but to leave... and then she can paint YOU out to be the bad guy...

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 28/10/2019 16:31

Big breath, open and post it here before you reply to it. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 16:33

Give it here OP.. I'll open it Grin

Whiskers14 · 28/10/2019 16:34

Deep breath, OP!

curlykaren · 28/10/2019 16:35

I'm hugely invested in her weird behaviour. Please let us know the reply!

AdultFishcakes · 28/10/2019 16:35

Rip off that emotional plaster girl.

dollyandshirl · 28/10/2019 16:36

good text, you also need to tell her that you won't be spoken to like that in your own home. Her unfounded accusation of your whole family left you confused and hurt, not guilty.

Its a Barbour, they rip. If she has to ask other people what they think before mentioning it to you she is not treating you like a friend. If she feels her stuff isn't safe, she would be better living at her mums/elsewhere until she buys her house. She can wear her barbour while she walks her mum's dogs Grin.

As is never including you on outings with mutual friends, very rude. You're not her landlady.

No need to go off on one, just tell her she seems unhappy with this living arrangement so you'll help her pack.

You're not a mug, you're a good friend but people take the piss. This woman is being massively rude and not caring about your friendship, if its run its course let it go. And don't give the CF any money.

Stampy84 · 28/10/2019 16:37

Can’t believe how invested I am in this- literally waiting to hear the reply 👂

dollyandshirl · 28/10/2019 16:37

have a gin & open it. If its not a massive apology tell her to fuck off.

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 16:38

Ok.....here is the reply.....

"How am I the bad guy in this story? I'm out at the moment and will talk to you about it when I get in. I'm more than happy to talk about it and I haven't accused anyone....I've asked you the question and you've flown off the handle"

And then a follow up text pointing out it isn't exactly 20 years...which is true, but we've been friends for nearly that...maybe 17 years exactly?

Fuck.....

Donn't know what to say now.

OP posts:
dollyandshirl · 28/10/2019 16:39

tell her she was rude and accusatory, and you won't be spoken to like that in your own home.

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 16:39

What the actualy fucking fuck?

OP posts:
AdobeWanKenobi · 28/10/2019 16:39

Donn't know what to say now

"I don't need the drama. I think it's best you find somewhere else to stay"

leomama81 · 28/10/2019 16:39

Wow. I don't really know what to say to that either. Shock

dollyandshirl · 28/10/2019 16:39

nobody is the 'bad guy'. she's ripped her coat and was behaving like a dick.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 16:39

You tell her to MOVE THE FUCK OUT, is the reply to that cheeky fucker reply.

sarahjconnor · 28/10/2019 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Throckmorton · 28/10/2019 16:40

Supportive hugs OP. Just open it - you don't have to reply to it immediately

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2019 16:40

The relationship has broken down. She needs to leave.

It doesn't matter why or how it's broken down.

howdoweknow · 28/10/2019 16:40

I think being that pedantic over a couple of year when you have had this row o just being arsey for the sake of it.

Somerandompersons · 28/10/2019 16:40

She's going to try and turn it on you. Make you the bad guy.

Honestly, hate to say it but I think you need to discuss her leaving. Also you need to tell her you need time to evaluate the friendship.

DarlingNikita · 28/10/2019 16:40

She's gaslighting you. You said she got defensive when you first talked about it, and 'accused' you of stuff; now she's being all 'Oh, I only mentioned it, sheesh, how touchy you are.'

I get that your DS is around, but I really think you need a proper face-to-face talk. Things like this don't get sorted out on text.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 16:40

this is YOUR home OP... YOURS, not hers, yours. Flowers

howdoweknow · 28/10/2019 16:41

You're friend I being arsey not you OP!

amiapropermum · 28/10/2019 16:41

She has checked out of the friendship for whatever reason and she's being a bit of a brat pointing out it's not exactly 20 years Hmm

Would suggest you and DH speak to her together and express your concern that her behaviour is out of character for her but that if it can't be resolved you think it's best that she move out, although you're sad about it.

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