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Original poster

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 13:39

Thank you so much for all your replies and all the helpful suggestions of texts.....I wasn't expecting this much help and support.

I have spoken to both my DP and my Dad, as expected, they have no idea what the fuck she is on about, and both are really really hurt and upset that we took her into our home and this is what she thinks of us.

Dad wants to go and speak to her Dad (they are friends) but there is no way that's happening, I felt like I was back in primary for a second there! (bless him he's such a softy, he's fucking gutted)

What I am going to do now is make DS a lovely lunch and play a game with him (I hate that this has ruined the first day of half term for him), then I am going to compose a text using all of your brilliant suggestions.

I will come back in about an hour and post it here before I send it, so you can all help me get it it right. (if anyone is around then to help!)

Then send and see how it goes.

I will be back shortly, but for the next hour at least I am going to be mum and not stressed and upset "friend"

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 28/10/2019 13:40

She is definitely projecting something on to you. Very odd that she would think you would do something like this unless she thinks you are annoyed with her for not contributing more to the household.

Can you think back to the conversation when you were skint and meal planning? Do you think she might have got the idea you were trying to tell her to give you more money in an indirect way and has now got the hump?

beachcomber70 · 28/10/2019 13:41

So your money situation isn't great yet you offer her somewhere to live for little money, pay for the electricity etc., cook meals with your fuel...whilst she buys an expensive coat and accuses all of you of damaging it.

The past you share doesn't make it right. It is the past. This now and you have just seen the real person. Someone who had been good to me in the past was gossiping behind my back and caused a lot of problems for me with others...what she told them was nasty, not true in any way whatsoever. I dropped her and suggest you do the same.

Tell her to find a place to rent, pay her own bills, cook her own meals and where she won't feel victimised. See if she can afford expensive clothes then. You are her meal ticket at the moment and she doesn't even respect you or your family. Get rid, quickly. Put it down to experience.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 28/10/2019 13:41

I would be on the phone or email to Barbour to ask them whether it's possible to accidentally rip one of their coats. She surely can't argue with them can she?

I mean I know it's kind of gone beyond the point of how it actually happened etc but if it was me I'd like to have some cold hard proof on my side.

LionKingLover · 28/10/2019 13:42

Message her and lay it out, and how hurt you are by this. Don't back down on this op as it's really out of order x

AlternativePerspective · 28/10/2019 13:42

OP, haven’t rtft so someone may already have asked this, but what is your friend like with other people? Because while you say that she is your friend and has been for years, I have known a lot of situations where someone has a good friend who turns on them without warning, and then it transpires that they have form for this with others but that the friend didn’t think it was worth noting because they were their friend, iyswim.

If this is totally out of character then I might be concerned about her wellbeing, but I would bet money that if you think back you’ll remember that actually she has form for doing this with others, in which case it was likely only a matter of time...

Longdistance · 28/10/2019 13:42

Aww, your poor ds having to listen to the argument. She really has burnt her bridges. Not only has she accused you of cutting her crappy Barbour coat (which was probably damaged when she bought it but didn’t notice it) she’s made you and your ds feel uncomfortable in your own home. I can’t believe she’s watched you meal plan, at that point she should have given you a few quid to tie you over.

The gravy train has stopped, it’s time for her to get off it!

RuggyPeg · 28/10/2019 13:43

.

reasonablesettlement · 28/10/2019 13:44

It may be worth pointing out that a Barbour without a rip or snag is just wrong.

Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 13:45

Just before I go for the next hour.....

The rip is literally less than a centimeter, like what you would get if you caught it on a small nail.

And she shouldn't think I was hinting for more money....when we nearly ran out of gas (meter) the other month, I asked her outright for a bit extra to top up, straight out, no problems, she knows I don't hint, that I will just ask, but muggins here didn't like to ask unless desperate because we'd already agreed to rent etc. (even though she is also using the gas)

God I sound fucking pathetic now.

Thanks again for all your help.

OP posts:
OooErMissus · 28/10/2019 13:46

@RuggyPeg - why not just add the thread to your watch list, instead of just blatantly rubber-necking?

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 13:47

OP I hope your not allowing her to stay in your home after this ??

Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 13:48

Oh and she hasn't got in touch yet.

Right...definitely going now, if anyone is around in an hour to read my draft text I will thank all you vipers from the bottom of my heart.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 28/10/2019 13:49

both are really really hurt and upset that we took her into our home and this is what she thinks of us.

I think that’s the point to make when you talk to her.

Evilmorty · 28/10/2019 13:49

Is it Barbour international? Everyone always seems immensely proud of owning one of those but to me they look like 2008 personified. Item 1 in the How to look like you have money when you don’t starter kit.

1950swallpaper · 28/10/2019 13:49

Have you asked her why she thinks someone in your house would be motivated to cut your jacket? Ask her why someone would want to do it.

Nanny0gg · 28/10/2019 13:49

@timshelthechoice

Nailed it

AdobeWanKenobi · 28/10/2019 13:50

why not just add the thread to your watch list, instead of just blatantly rubber-necking?

Agreed, it's just fucking rude frankly.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/10/2019 13:51

Is your friend Daniella Westbrook OP?

Seriously, my DH has a Belstaff, which is similar, and that is frequently in for repair, par for the course. Obviously you don't want to be getting into the nonsense of defending yourself, but I imagine a repairer would confirm that it hadn't been cut with scissors.

RuggyPeg · 28/10/2019 13:51

Bugger off Ooermissus.....wtf has it got to do with you what I do or don't add to this thread. Whatever I add anyway has already been said a hundred times already in any case.

SelkieSaAbhaileAnois · 28/10/2019 13:52

@oooermissus, no need to label other posters rubberneckers, unless you can read their mind and know why they posted a full stop. And even then, you're not working for mumsnet! A full stop is hardly worthy of a reprimand.

OooErMissus · 28/10/2019 13:53

Hit a nerve, clearly Peg - hope you're very embarrassed at being publicly called out for being so rude.

Nanny0gg · 28/10/2019 13:53

There is a strong chance the rip was done during manufacture and not noticed.

My contribution to the text: FOTTFSOFATFOSM

And bugger giving her two weeks' notice.
She'd be lucky with 2 days

ilovetofu · 28/10/2019 13:53

I would just text and say the truth op:

I can't actually believe you're behaving this way when we have been friends for so long & I was trying to help you out with somewhere to live.
Nobody in my house cut your coat.
I need you to move out now as I'm baffled & beyond offended at your behaviour.

🤷🏻‍♀️

RuggyPeg · 28/10/2019 13:56

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