DH Shaved his head

[PennyHoffsteader]

I hate it. He used a beard trimmer to shave it all off. I can't even look at him. He had such beautiful hair, and now it's gone. I know it's his hair and it's up to him, but AIBU to be so annoyed and upset?

To those people wondering about shaved head and the association with thuggishness. As a black woman living in London I definitely have that feeling from my own experiences. Perhaps it is an out of date feeling nowadays but it is hard to shake off those times that due to someone with a shaved head I had to cross the road / was followed home / had items thrown at me / called 'monkey' or 'gorilla' or n*gger / had doors slammed on me as I followed people through doors / people walking aggressively in to me on the street / unfriendly stares in a pub etc.

Perhaps nowadays a shaved head is more mainstream like tattoos but previously it did indicate membership of a group of people who held particular views. To say otherwise is being naîve or disingenuous.

Nice legs - I love your look. It really suits you.

@ThisIsSamhain
@dexterslockedintheshedagain
@swampytiggaa
@CircleofWillis

Just wanted to say thank you so much. Your kindness has actually brought a tear to my eye: seriously I get so much negativity about the hair and your loveliness has really uplifted me.

And I've got to 52 without ever being called 'gorgeous' so I'll be framing that one for sure.

Thank you. You've made me day and I love you for it

52? Similar to me then! And you don’t look like you are a heavy makeup person (like me)

I’m really inspired now! I normally wear my hair scraped back so it probably wouldn’t look drastically different... see attached photo for evidence!

Op I feel your pain, a few years ago my partner who had long hair and a beard at the time, walked through the front door with a completely shaved head and no beard.. I was in total shock as he looked so different, and I I have to admit I didn't find him as attractive looking like that.. just personal taste. Turns out he had done it for a charity fundraiser at work so I couldn't really say anything, took me an age to get used to it. Few years on and we are married, so I suppose I got used to it in the end

Nicelegs you look amazing! And to others - just do it! I shaved my head a few times in my teens and absolutely LOVED it. It felt very empowering, and it was nice to touch too

Oh and to OP - I do get it.. my partner once shaved his beard off and I was horrified. I hid it though as it wasn't my business really and to my relief he didn't do it again as agreed it didn't suit him. I think you'll get used to it soon and it won't matter so much anymore.

You could always deny him your favours until he is fanciable again . . . .

"My wife had lovely long hair but she came back one afternoon with it cut really short. I'm so annoyed and upset and don't fancy her any more, so she isn't getting any in the bedroom from me until she grows it back to an acceptable length."

That would go down well....

I do DH's for him - number 1 all over

thankfully when he gets back from his hitch it's grown back....the thing that I just cannot understand is why he packs a big bottle of head and shoulders to take along with him

Presumably it starts growing back from the day it's been shaved and doesn't go from completely bald to full-head the day he leaves to come back? Lots of complaints about DHs not thinking and planning ahead on MN - just sounds like he is.

I get this. My DH has just done the same and prematurely IMHO; yes he’s got thinning hair but there’s still many a month left before it’s really showing showing.

I’m a bit sad about it as DH now looks a bit “hard” and before he didn’t.

BTW I remember being absolutely horrified and devastated my mum has her hair permed when she picked me up from school one day. She previously had wavy brown shoulder length hair; it suddenly went full bubble and up to her ears. I cried so much as she just didn’t look like herself.

Incidentally I was 5 but I remember it really clearly almost 35 years later

@swampytiggaa

Oh, you could rock the look no problem at all I don't usually wear any makeup but the pic was taken by a professional photographer at work and so I did put on a light covering that day.

Do update us with pics if you go for it

What I don't get (and really try hard not to get into fights on threads like these) is all the people saying they don't find it attractive, it's not the person they married, they expect things like this to be discussed - how would you feel if your partner lost their hair through chemo/illness? And how do you think people like this feel reading these comments?

I've lost a lot of my hair and after a lot of stress about it, completely shaved my head but I had some left in the middle so I have a blue Mohican DH has been nothing but lovely about it, even when I was half bald and patchy. He always said I was exactly the same person underneath, he never showed me once by words or actions that he didn't like it. I think think he genuinely likes the Mohican, he helps me shave it and rubs my head at night. He still seems to find me attractive, even though I look like a small alien.

I went through a lot of stress about it and reading comments like this thread are upsetting sometimes. I know everyone will say "oh well it's different if it's lost though illness etc" but surely the end result is the same? Would you tell your partner they looked like a thug, or you didn't find them attractive in those circumstances? I doubt it, as it would make you a bit of a knob (I think anyway ) I think you would try and think that you love the person under the hair (or no hair ) and it didn't matter that much. So perhaps people should try and think like this anyway.

(NiceLegs love your hair, also LOVE your jacket!)

OP - shave your head to match and see what he says.

Ah OP I sympathise, I remember when my DH did this (because he hates thinning on top). It's a massive shock and you're not unreasonable to feel upset. You WOULD be unreasonable to be anything but supportive to his face though. You'll get used to it :) Pro-tip, the first day after it's had the clippers taken to it his head will be the smoothest thing you've ever felt! I love it :D

That said, I do admittedly struggle to be the bigger person and not show negativity whenever Movember happens. A whole set of family holiday photos totally ruined by the straggly beast that grows on his upper lip

I am obviously the odd one out. I love the bald headed thuggish look, though I don't at all like the sort of sterotypical man usually associated with it so I am very happy when my mild mannered and very 'right on' husband shaves his head. I find it sexy

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace just trying to decide if it’s a bit chilly for it right now! Although my hair is so shitty and fine it probably wouldn’t make a lot of difference...

Shaved heads do not look thuggish, this is an old perception from the 80's. Maybe try talking to the person before making your judgement.

My husband, has male pattern boldness and is going very grey, if he let his hair grow it would look ridiculous, his words not mine. He bics his head every few days. Its sexy as......

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace just thought - I’m going to have to leave it for a little while... one of my volunteers is currently very upset as her daughter has just had to shave her head due to chemo treatment 😢 I don’t want to add to that for her at the moment.

I’ll plan it for when her daughter is in recovery I think 🙂

I think shaved heads look and feel great.

I'm so sorry if this offends anyone, but as a pp has alluded to, as a mixed race woman, I have in the past assumed that some youngish white men in groups with shaved heads (as opposed to naturally bald) who are dressed a certain way could be racist and I've either crossed the street to get away from them or been extra careful with family when passing them etc.

I'm from a Northern part of the country where there is a definite "look" to certain groups of racists and the shaven head plays a big part. The thing is I've often not been wrong when I've appraised that these men I've avoided are racist.

I have in the past assumed that some youngish white men in groups with shaved heads (as opposed to naturally bald) who are dressed a certain way

What you're describing is more than just a shaved head isn't it though? You're describing the kind of NF skinheads with their turned up jeans and DMs. It's a very specific look. They're not you're average bloke who just happens to have a bald or shaved head.

My husband is bald. He goes out and about in gym clothes or in trousers and a shirt. He doesn't get mistaken for a member of the BNP!

What you're describing is more than just a shaved head isn't it though? You're describing the kind of NF skinheads with their turned up jeans and DMs. It's a very specific look. They're not you're average bloke who just happens to have a bald or shaved head.

Yeah, what a stupid post. A gang of men all dressed as skinheads is not the same as one average guy with a shaved head ffs.

Well round here it's not so much the boots and braces look of the past. More football shirts and trainers or jeans, polo shirt (usually fred Perry) or normal shirt and a bomber jacket these days.

I’d hate it too. My DH and I talk over major changes in appearance and agree first. After all, we look at each other more than at ourselves!

Hope it grows back quickly, OP.