My BF won't STFU about WWII and today I had a huge meltdown at him.
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 00:44
BF of one year is a teacher, no kids of his own, and very sweet and lovely. I know ppl always say that but he really is. Very gentle, animal lover, vegetarian etc.
Also a huge history nerd (in his own words), espcially WWII and the American Civil War. Now generally I don't mind that- I did A-level in History and have a fairly solid grasp of the historical outline, I think, although I have specialized in another field of social science.
He usually does go on a bit about the historical documentaries he has watched or books he has read, kinda does go on and on a bit. Again, I generally don't mind that. I have two kids, and I actually appreciate dating someone who does most of the conversational "heavy lifting".
The last couple of weeks however I felt the WWII stuff was reaching a particular intensity. I can't quite describe it. Like he literally wouldn't shut up about it, except during actual sex. I started dropping hints, eg a few nights ago on the phone, he was at it again and I said ok I feel sleepy now and gotta go, listening to you go on about WWII is a sleeping pill hahaha making ajoke of it, but I did end the conversation. I've also mentioned that you know there are other atrocities and terrible things, human beings are pretty good at doing appalling things to each other, have you heard of Rwnad, the Khmer Rouge, Kosovo etc, and he would say something like, yes but in terms of sheer numbers, the Germans blah blah blah blah.
Anyway today we only had three hours to spend together. Our time naturally limited due to the fact I have kids and am a lone parent. We were also planning on doing something else after intimacy. So we're dressed and ready to start the other thing, and he gets on about WWII. I glance at the clock.
Now I really don't know why i didn't say look, stop talking about WWII, we said we would do this other thing, can we do it please (it's cringey, just an art project we're suppsed to be working on- which was his idea by the way and he bought all the supplies etc for). I just listened, thinking he's gonna stop soon. Surely he can't go on.
, It's not just the length of time, as I listen to him babble on, I feel he has this creepy insidious admiration for the Germans? Like he's talking about this amazing war? And he wants me to admit that this was the most significant and incredible event in modern history? he didn't say it in so many words, like he didn't actually directly say "and weren't the Nazis incredible", but I almost felt that where he's heading?
About 20 minutes I did say a few times can we please stop talking about this, and my voice was getting a bit emotional and upset, but he seemed to be stuck in his head, and didn;t seem to hear me.
At the 45 minute mark I got up started putting on my outdoor clothes to leave while having a completely insanely angry meltdown. I can't remember quite what I said but certainly Fuck off, don't touch me, i can' stand you, what are you trying to accomplish, are you trying to get me to admire the Germans and WWII - what is your fucking problem, all in there.
He was completely horrified and shocked. He says he has no idea I was becoming agitated and upset. Certainly no admiration for nazis. WWII was appalling. He asks me what else is going on. I have my fair share of life's stressors, but this is the first time I've had a reaction like this to him, just sheer insane anger. I tell him it's you,, I;m angry at you, don;t try to blame other things, you weren't istening to me.
He acknowledges he wasn't listening to me. Eventually we make up.
WIBU to be so angry? Actually I had a vision of hitting him while I was angry, police officers arresting me and asking me why I was violent, and me saying because he wouldn't stop talking about WWII.
How crazy is that?
Sendingoutsignals · 28/10/2019 00:54
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MyKingdomForBrie · 28/10/2019 00:55
Doesn't sound crazy I think that would drive anyone to the brink! Hopefully the shock of your reaction will snap him out of it.
BlobbyTheLump · 28/10/2019 00:56
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Leaannb · 28/10/2019 01:00
Whhh...It wouldnt bother me. But Im.also a history nerd. My husband told me 6 th months that no more educational.family oplans were to be made. Now he is sitting in an apartment by himself every night except the two.weekends he gets the kids
GetyourAQSFright · 28/10/2019 01:07
I think you overreacted in the manner in which you spoke to him, very extreme. You could easily have said it in a more direct way rather than skirting it and doing other things to 'show' you weren't interested and getting fed up. Also I don't think others can judge his thoughts on it without knowing exactly what he said, it's easy to say that it sounds like he admires the Germans but depending on context and tone it could mean something totally different.
Also dump him?? Like it his his fault when the OP has never been direct. The OP just said she told him to fuck off and that she can't stand him. Maybe the OP should dump him for that reason, not because he talks too much about a subject he clearly loves.
WomensRightsAreContraversial · 28/10/2019 01:08
Sounds like an autistic person level of special interest.
Either that or he's the guy who proudly told me on our first and only date that he has a piece of Hitler's house on his bedroom mantelpiece!
But you handled it badly. You should have said clearly that you wanted him to stop talking about WWII before you had a "completely insane angry meltdown."
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:08
I have wondered whether he's a closet fascist or anti-Semite! But all his political expressions are very mild, liberal and tolerant. He's never directly said anything anti-semitic or fascist. he just doesn't seem to stop talking about it. And it has just gotten worse, or maybe I'm more sensitive?
Well, maybe now he will.
But i also don't want him to be on tenterhooks around me and feel he can't talk about his great passion for fear it will spark a crazy reaction in me.
WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/10/2019 01:10
Is he on the autism spectrum? Sounds like he missed your social cues and also got stuck on one topic. I know a few ASD people like this. Lovely people, otherwise, but they very much have "their" topic.
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:11
I know I should have said directly and clearly "et's stop talking about this. Let's start the art project".
Going over it, I don;t know why I didn't. I'm not shy or un-forthcoming by any means. It was as if I was waiting with horrid fascination to see whether he would actually come out and say he admired the Nazis or something? Crazy I know.
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:12
I don't think he is on the spectrum, it has never come up.
Passthecherrycoke · 28/10/2019 01:18
I think this could be nothing tbf.
My DH and His brother get obsessive about things and for the period of time they’re interested in them, it’s consuming and obsessive. It’s SO IRRITATING and the thing I find odd is if I ask / tell DH to stop talking about it he won’t. He’ll say “I’m just saying... “and repeat it all again. It’s so weird and irritating.
After a while it can get the the point naturally where you get as angry as you did. I remember it happening once, shortly after I’d met him. I felt utterly worn down and burst into frustrated tears. He was horrified but I couldn’t explain to him why I was so upset.
It sounds a bit like you’re imaging the nazi thing, probably reading too much into the way he drones on and on. I think you’d have a clearer sign if he was a nazi
sillysmiles · 28/10/2019 01:18
You know that the way you reacted is crazy, right? And that you need to apologise.
1forAll74 · 28/10/2019 01:23
Maybe it's because it's getting near to Remembrance day, things have become more to the forefront for him, despite him not being born in the war years I assume.
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:26
@Passthecherrycoke "utterly worn down" exactly describes how i felt before my outburst. I come from a family of obsessive- my brotehrs, parents etc all are quite talkative and tend to go on.
You are also probably right about imagining the Nazi thing. Just from getting so emotional. And kinda leading from "WWII is the most significant event of modern history" arguable, but ok, to "and the Nazi were incredible- look at how many ppl they killed!!" (he didn't say that, I was just imagining - I don't know why)
I didn't apologize and not planning to, because I did actually say about 20 min before my outburst please let's start on the project etc, but he didn't seem to hear me, and then I kinda went quiet until my meltdown. He acknowledged that later.
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:28
@1forAll74 No- no actual expereince of the front LOL. But I guess being in a school environment there is a lot of exposure to that going on.
Lemonlimeandice · 28/10/2019 01:28
Couldn’t you have had a discussion along the lines of , I’m not really interested in world war 2 stuff ?
Instead of shouting and swearing.
“ A huge meltdown” is overly dramatic.
I feel sorry for the guy
And Germany made many technological advances during the war, and America took on scientists to further their projects, his being interested in this is hardly shocking ?
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:33
I did say several times both on the preceding days, and once before my meltdown today to please let's stop, etc. Maybe not as assertively or clearly as I should have, Because honestly it was if he did not hear me.
Nothing wrong about finding WWII interesting. It is interesting. I never said it's not. That's not the point of my thread.
SuchAToDo · 28/10/2019 01:34
Op i don't blame you for erupting, you deserve a medal for listening to him drone on ..
If )when he calls you (that's if you choose to even speak to him) be completely honest and say you like history as much as the next person but when it's the sole topic for hours on end it becomes a bore ...
Why does he have such a fascination with wwII....is he part German?..did he have a family member in the war?...it seems excessive to go on about it to that extent...
questionzzz · 28/10/2019 01:34
I have to go now- thanks for the feedback- i am finding the different perspective very interesting (almost as much as WWII LOL)
Greatnorthwoods · 28/10/2019 01:35
Sounds like a bit of a over reaction OP
Also yes like it or not, militarily the Nazi’s should be admired. Their Blitzgreig tactics are what modern army’s use today.
Sun Tzu: never underestimate you enemy
VenusTiger · 28/10/2019 01:35
He seems a little overly invested and to think he’s the only one talking, not like it’s ever a two way conversation, can’t he see that? Very odd.
WW2 was incredible, as in unbelievable, preposterous - surely you can see that. The sheer magnitude of the nazi regime! Don’t confuse incredible with admirable though!
Passthecherrycoke · 28/10/2019 01:38
“Couldn’t you have had a discussion along the lines of , I’m not really interested in world war 2 stuff ?”
Op has said she did -IME they just don’t listen though
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