My BF won't STFU about WWII and today I had a huge meltdown at him.

If he's 35, his last name begins with an M and you live in city C...he's never going to be any different. He was like it at uni and will be forever more. And yes, it's annoying as balls.

I wouldn't normally say this, but it seems appropriate on this thread.

Given that Hitler was also apparently an animal lover and a vegetarian, I don't think that these two things are necessarily proof of your BF's loveliness!

He sounds awful company OP, regardless. It sounds like you're sitting on some resentment towards him to be honest. He may well be excessively gentle, vegetarian, and what not but that doesn't mean he's attractive by default or isn't capable of being inconsiderate or selfish etc. If the only dynamic thing about him is getting a bit of a boner over discussions of WWII then I don't blame you. If he actually was I'd dump him asap- gratuitously discussing an atrocity is not normal.

Do you think you sat on your frustration because he is so 'nice' you feel you can't speak negatively to him when he's doing/saying things you don't like? You're BU to have sworn and shouted instead of a direct conversation- but- it does highlight an issue that you weren't able to.

Yes, be very clear when you're close to breaking point! If you can, stop him long before then. I expect you 'broke' because you felt hit by a juggernaut! DH used to have a friend who would basically just deliver a lecture rather than have a conversation (truth be told, DH is capable of going on for ages too, it all gets very boring). One time his friend delivered a 20 minute long lecture to me - at me - on what was back then my specialism. He started with a couple of false premises and went on from there, getting facts wrong all the way, and talked over me when I tried to interject. I have never say in a room with him since and DH 'dumped' him some years ago now, to my great relief. Another friend was similar but you could make light of it and ask if he was winding up to another little Frien'dsname Lecture etc

You'll get thoroughly bored of it unless you can break him of the habit. You can do it using humour, a very powerful tool, saying something mild like "you're not in class now" or setting a timer - you can talk about this for this long....

I don’t think you over reacted. But I imagine you felt shocked and upset at your own reaction.

I know full well - When you’re around someone that is obsessive that doesn’t listen, this is what happens unless you’re a saint! However unless he will start listening and addressing his obsessiveness it isn’t good for your mental health, so you may need to end it.

Other people who haven’t experienced a similar behaviour, won’t understand it causes you to lose your mind - akin to torture!

I’d probably deal with it a bit differently. I’d be quite upfront that I found the topic too narrow, and repetitive, to be interesting to me. That I’d rather talk about 1000 other things.

After that, I’d invent a passionate interest in something so phenomenally socially boring you want to rip your ears off. I’d launch into it every time he got ‘in the zone’ about his WWII shite. Loudly and pointedly until he stopped. Every time until he got the message.

I recommend ‘the history of my skin’s minor complaints’ or ‘how they dug the Chunnel’ or perhaps ‘neighbours I grew up with, and what they’re up to nowadays.’ If you need others, I could ask my stepfather. He has a vast collection of topic ideas along these lines. He’d be happy to jot down some volumes of study notes for you.

People who will not stop when you ask them to, or refuse to take no for an answer, are not safe to be around.

Not sure who is in the wrong here but you sound fundamentally unsuited. Why are you persisting with this very boring man? I am sure you could do better.

Don't blame you to be honest, that would drive me nuts. You tried to ask him to stop nicely and he wouldn't, so you took it up a notch. If he's that obsessed he can go and live in a war memorial museum. I couldn't cope with that at all, get rid.

Also - my late step father was OBSESSED with the same thing and it was a fucking nightmare.

Also - folks saying she overreacted or handled it badly, he is driving her to the point of losing it so frankly, I don't think she is the problem here. He needs to shut the fuck up.

He is boring.

There’s more to history than nazis.
Plus giggle at the art thing

First thing that struck me - Aspergers. It is a classic symptom, obsessively going on about a subject they are fixated on. I have it, and I saw it way before I even finished your post.

Does he like Father Ted series 3 episode 1?

As pp have said it does sound like he's on the autistic spectrum somewhere.

I don't blame you at all for snapping though. I also have an interest in ww2 (amongst other things, as you say there's more to history and more to life) but wouldn't even bring it up unless I knew the other person was also interested or asked me what I was reading etc...

I'd also take issue with what he says about the Nazis and sheer numbers. What about Mao Zedong or the interwar Soviet Union? I suppose it depends what you count as an atrocity.

I don't think it's helpful to give him a diagnosis after one thread on Mumsnet.

If you want the relationship to work OP you need to talk to him and see what he says. You need to apologise for your outburst to explain your point of view to see if he is prepared to compromise.

OP, google Aspergers.

It sounds like he may have autism. He may not be aware of this as many adults are undiagnosed.
The all consuming obsession, monologue and the not understanding your emotions are signs.
He sounds lovely though and when you have calmed down talk calmly to him about how to manage this.
You could have a timer set for 10 mins so he can talk about it for that time and you can let him know that you may not listen properly because its not interesting for you but he is welcome to "information dump" for 10 mins if he needs to.
If he is autistic then there is no point trying to reason him out of his obsession.

It sounds like you overreacted but equally, he was totally ignoring you which is just as bad. You're in a relationship so you shouldn't have to communicate like you're that formally, 'hey dude enough about the WWII we've got stuff to do' should have been enough. Frankly, I think I'd be bored by him, one topic of conversation makes bore unless you are meeting as part of a related club.

He sounds like that enemy of learningn, the talking teacher! Is he advancing in his career at all? Does he bring funny stories about what the kids at school said or got up to?

If not, you're dealing with someone tone deaf to others and he will bore you into extinction by smothering you in a thick blanket of talk.

What would happen if you asked him to find his transmit button and switch it to receive? What would you want to do - after you'd dtd, I mean.

I did say several times both on the preceding days, and once before my meltdown today to please let's stop, etc. Maybe not as assertively or clearly as I should have, Because honestly it was if he did not hear me.

I don't think you overreacted and I don't think you owe him an apology.

Women are conditioned to be really nice and patient and when we reach our limits and blow up we scare ourselves more than we scare others. He only took a break from his monologue to have sex with you in previous weeks...
It's not your fault that he wouldn't listen to you.

He tried to mansplain your anger to you - asking what stressors were in your life, etc.
I don't think this is aspergers.

Some men are brought up to hold court. I have a family of cousins who are like this. None are on the spectrum. They are lovely men in many, many ways. But they believe that any given room full of people are their audience.

My guess is that this man is just inappropriately brought up.

I think you should dump him.

i dont think you over-reacted and again today im shocked at the handmaidens on mn who seem to think women should be defering to men all the time.

he sounds terrible company, i mean, really terrible.

when i opened this thread i was laughing because im a bit of a WW2 nerd- i'm going on a ww2 thing later - but no, i uk m nothing like this guy! this fellas obsession is ridiculous. he can hardly talk about anything else? fuck that!

I’ve known a couple of people like this, now I have a short fuse for this kind of behaviour anyway, but if someone is droning on about a subject that’s only interesting to themselves, as pp said lecture style, then it can be so draining that you overreact to get them to understand that you’re not interested.

OP dump him, I doubt he’ll change, the obsession might change though.

Definitely sounds like he has Aspergers. Not just the specialist interest but also the fact that he didn’t “read” the signs that you weren’t interested until you really let rip.

I have a son with autism aged 7 and he is the same. To be fair I just nod and smile and let him waffle on (about road signs and cars) because he’s only a child and I love him but I can imagine how boring and exhausting it would be to be with a boyfriend like it!

It sounds like he needs some WWII fans to hang out with to get it out his system a bit so he can be more amenable to varied chat when he is with you.

What about suggesting he join a WWII reenactment group? Or that he has a war strategy board game evening with fellow enthusiasts?

Or you could try aversion therapy. Sing 'There'll be Bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover' over and over again at every opportunity. (Might not work if you can sing nicely.)

My dh was a massive talker when I met him. He really didn't shut up about certain things and even now will still try and 'teach' others. He's super clever and learns by teaching if that makes sense. His parents never say 'shh now' so he never learnt social cues until I told him, probably rudely, that he really needed to look at people's body language, and if they were halfway out of the door, that meant, they wanted you to stop talking. Not everyone is as interested in a conversation as you are darling. He's not autistic but was never really taught about body language! If your guy can't read cues but you really like him them you need to teach him directly. Yanbu about exploding. I've done it a few times myself!