To ask a single male friend for a *ahem* "favour"

[100NameChange]

I have endometriosis and had a 3rd excision surgery 2 months ago.

I'm very nervous to have sex because I was obviously sore down there before/very sore afterwards while recovering. I've now made this into a big thing in my head. The last 2 times I had surgery I had a boyfriend so I had someone comfortable to test the waters with.

I'm terrified of meeting someone new or someone I don't know and having the pressure of trying to impress in bed for the first time/them potentially not understanding my situation. I don't even know how long it'll be until I meet someone and meanwhile this anxiety is growing in my head.

I've tried toys and such but it's never the "same" in terms of testing out whether things will be painful.

I just want to test the waters with someone I'm comfortable with and trust and I'm not sure what to do. I know it sounds ridiculous but I have a couple of single male friends who fully know my situation and I was considering asking them if they'd be willing to "help me out" so I can get past the first hurdle and know where I stand.

But how can I ask one of my good male friends who I've never been even remotely romantic with to have one off sex with me, it's just ridiculous. I have a feeling they'd tell me to jog on anyway. I'm so stuck at how to get past this hurdle.

I know the consultant will be asking how things are with respect to that too and I would love to know whether the surgery has worked in that respect.

Ugh ☹️

You can't ask them that! Sorry, OP, but you really can't.

I've tried toys and such but it's never the "same" in terms of testing out whether things will be painful.

Really? You’d get a pretty good idea I would’ve thought.

Thing is op you don't fancy them and you're gonna feel self conscious about this close friend seeing you naked, so unless you're drunk, it's probably going to be a bit painful and awkward anyway. I really wouldn't.

I’m pretty sure they’d jump at the chance 😂

How you can you ask them? You can't You could casually mention your dilemma in conversation if they ask how things are going and see if they offer, but don't ask!
I don't see how toys aren't an indication of if it'll hurt or not?

How would you not get the same result from a dildo? C'mon, you can't ask for that. Gawd, how awkward that would make it for them.

I would love some suggestions of how to handle this. I'm in control of a toy so although that might not be painful it's absolutely not a firm confirmation that sex won't be.

These few replies are enough to scrap that option right off my list. Thank you!!

Seriously OP? Surely you know you can’t ask that unless you’re willing to ruin a friendship and have the most awkward sex of your life.
Surely toys will do the job? They’re the same without a human attached?

Sex with an ex would be preferable

Sex with an ex would be preferable

This is also something I'm considering, and I could probably do that but I know in the grand scheme of things it's probably a terrible terrible idea.

Wait til you meet someone, make sure he's nice and share your worries with him beforehand so he knows to go slow.

Find yourself a sexual surrogate. They're professionals, and wouldn't bat an eyelid - and your friendships would stay intact.

@AFistfulofDolores1

What is a sexual surrogate?

I'm in control of a toy so although that might not be painful it's absolutely not a firm confirmation that sex won't be.

Of course it is if you tell the guy to slow down or stop, his knob is the same size and width of a dildo (possibly smaller). You're asking to use a human being as a sex toy experiment, to use a friend's body, that's pretty sick.

A sexual surrogate is a prostitute. Bad idea

This cannot be a genuine post.

What the fuck?! "Can I borrow your genitals for a minute, I just wanna test something out?" No. Just no. What the actual fuck?

What is a sexual surrogate?

A euphemism for a prostitute.

it's probably a terrible terrible idea.

Same as asking a mate to be in a sex experiment. Gawd, I have a good male mate who's been single a while, shall I offer to suck his knob to see if he can still get off?

No. Don’t do it. Just wait until the time is right with someone you are in a relationship with. Tell him about the surgery and of your concerns. If he had a problem with the fact that you might not be able to go all the way the first time with him or that you might be in pain, then he’s not worth taking your knickers off for.

This isn't about getting sexual pleasure, it's about seeing if I can have sex without being collapsed on the floor in pain afterwards.

It brings me so much anxiety even thinking about it.

I know it's a bad idea and I'm not going to do it. No need to tell me I'm sick.

Wait till you meet someone you want to have sex with because it makes the world of difference to arousal and your overall experience.

I’d 100% call an ex

Och it really depends what your friends are like! I don't think it's that far out but it'd be pretty tricky to bring up.

I completely agree with everyone saying I should wait for the right person. I think I'm going to have to head for counselling in the meantime because the pure anxiety about getting intimate with someone new is almost stopping me from ever getting into relationships or trying to meet someone new.