To ask a single male friend for a *ahem* "favour"

[100NameChange]

I have endometriosis and had a 3rd excision surgery 2 months ago.

I'm very nervous to have sex because I was obviously sore down there before/very sore afterwards while recovering. I've now made this into a big thing in my head. The last 2 times I had surgery I had a boyfriend so I had someone comfortable to test the waters with.

I'm terrified of meeting someone new or someone I don't know and having the pressure of trying to impress in bed for the first time/them potentially not understanding my situation. I don't even know how long it'll be until I meet someone and meanwhile this anxiety is growing in my head.

I've tried toys and such but it's never the "same" in terms of testing out whether things will be painful.

I just want to test the waters with someone I'm comfortable with and trust and I'm not sure what to do. I know it sounds ridiculous but I have a couple of single male friends who fully know my situation and I was considering asking them if they'd be willing to "help me out" so I can get past the first hurdle and know where I stand.

But how can I ask one of my good male friends who I've never been even remotely romantic with to have one off sex with me, it's just ridiculous. I have a feeling they'd tell me to jog on anyway. I'm so stuck at how to get past this hurdle.

I know the consultant will be asking how things are with respect to that too and I would love to know whether the surgery has worked in that respect.

Ugh ☹️

You know your friends and the general social rules you and your friends operate within - in some social groups this would be a question you could ask and get an answer to without awkwardness, in many others you can't.

It might be an easier thing to ask a friend to experiment with various sizes of dildo with you to help you map out what feels good, what's OK, what hurts etc, if you want someone else to be in control of insertion/removal.

Beyond that it's worth thinking about what sexual things you enjoy, which you're happy to do but aren't your favourites, which you don't want to do. PIV is only one type of sex, there's so many other things you can do with someone else that might be much more enjoyable for you, if PIV / dildoIV is painful.

I would go on tinder/bumble. Not hard to find someone on there for something like this

Have you missed the part where she is really anxious and wants to try sex with someone she trusts before sleeping with someone new? I mean, her idea was terrible, but what you have suggested is literally the opposite of what she needs to do

Fair enough about the trust thing.... I just thought in some ways it might be less pressure in a sense. Not ruining a friendship, not a big build up as it could potentially be with something more serious.

Someone else suggested fab swingers! I thought bumble might be a little less intimidating. Or of course there's the chance of actually meeting someone nice on there anyway..

I'm sorry you have endometriosis, that is grim.

Regarding everything else you've said I will not sit in judgement on you but please do be careful.

Best wishes .

Would you think it wasOKfor a bloke to ask his female friends for a shag to test out his dick??
It his hugely disrespectful!

I can't imagine how you'd think you can just do a "test drive" of someone's penis , to see if it hurts. ? What if his penis was really small and not what you were expecting ? Would you throw him in the "no good basket" and approach another good male friend ? Sorry but the whole thing sounds ridiculous.

You are reducing your friends to being nothing more than their libido and assuming they want to have sex with you

I am sorry to hear that you required surgery and wish you a speedy recovery.

For this you need trust and understanding, not some random stranger. In my book, there is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend. They won’t let you down. It’s just a case of agreeing a few “rules”.

I’m in my 40s and had sex with a number of friends over the years. If handled properly it can be lovely.

I agree with codename.