Help settle an argument between me and DH

[Keepsmiling1]

Slightly lighthearted but can you settle this argument!

I haven't been feeling well the past few days - nothing serious just generally run down. This morning DH got up with the dog at 6am (stupid clocks!) and I stayed upstairs with DDs who got into bed with me. We all got up for breakfast then he decided to take them pumpkin picking to give me a chance to have a rest. He left about 10.30am and was home at 11.40am bringing me flowers and lunch for all of us.

After we'd eaten he made a treasure hunt for DDs and now he's about to carve the pumpkins with them. I thanked him and said I appreciated him letting me have a rest and he said he thinks he's been good today and deserves a blow job tonight.

He was partly joking and knows it's not going to happen but wanted me to put it to the Mumsnet jury to see if he was being unreasonable to expect one? As a side note, I will be taking the girls and dog out later so he can watch the football in peace.

Like I said, it is lighthearted and in no way is he going to be funny or anything for not getting one!

I would be very unimpressed. Lighthearted, my arse.

Do because he made the effort with his kids and have you some down time, he should be repaid with a sexual favour?

You sound a good team tbh.. Maybe pencil in a night of joint pleasure??

If it was said in a jokey way I’d just roll my eyes and tell him to dream on tbh

Is this just....a stealth boast about how great your husband is?

I think he sounds great.

The BJ comment is just a lame joke, not funny but not eyebrow raising either.

I dont see the debate, issue or the amusing or non amusing side.

But....WTF? Pumpkin picking? I dont remember this from my childhood

Yeah I’d fail to see the humour in that personally.

DP would do all of the above anyway as I usually do the weekdays as currently on maternity leave.

Do you tell him you’re expecting sexual favours in exchange for parenting your joint children?

No he shouldn’t expect sexual favours just for being a dad/husband, but what’s the problem with giving your husband a blow job?

Well, my eyebrows shot right up when I got to blow job. Nice way of undoing all his kindness.

You are unwell and he wants a blow job. Nice.

No way! A comment like that would totally put me off having sex of any kind.

I think he deserves one 🤣.

he knows it's not going to happen

Why not? Not an unreasonable thing to like doing with your partner. You don't day you feel sick, just run down, so it's not like he's wanting her to do it despite a sore throat or cold or anything.

He's unreasonable to expect it when you're not feeling well, but that's very much the sort of joke that I'd have shared with my dh. I can't see anything wrong with it. He's making the effort for you so why shouldn't you make some effort for him.

It's not a big deal. Substitute blow job for shoulder rub, or any other treat that one person in a couple would do for the other, and it's no big deal.

Cheeky bugger.

Tell him 'Nice try'.

And then surprise him with one during the week. He won't complain.

I’m with @mrssoap on this one

So he’s parenting his children for a few hours, therefore expects a blowjob later? And oh, you’re taking the kids out later so he can watch the football?

He’s being very unreasonable.

Why do some men want a medal/ bj for being a normal, caring father and partner?
Why would it even cross his mind to expect pay back

If it's a daft joke then I'd jokily roll my eyes, smile and move on. I would say to DH that I need a back rub for helping him shift things in the garden.

It course people will be along to tell you he only lifted a finger around the house in order to hold it over you in exchange for sexual favours so you might want to Don your hard hat and prepare to be told your husband is abusive.

Why does he KNOW he isn’t going to get one. He may not necessarily ‘deserve’ it, but don’t you give him one every now and then? What’s the big deal about giving him a blowjob?

I’d take it as a joke if you’re ill but as some others have said, what’s wrong with giving your husband one?

Thanks for all the replies.

I have got a cold and sore throat but not desperately ill. Definitely not in the mood for anything like that though.

I am not offended or upset and did just roll my eyes really. I said I wonder what Mumsnet would say and he said to post it and we would see whether the replies sided with him.

He was partly joking....

That part is so small it isn't measurable.

So, he parents (and he hasn’t done anything wildly thoughtful - he’s just done his share ) - and he expects sexual favours?

The whole good behaviour = sex is gross and is about coercing others into sex. Sex should be entirely consensual - no bargaining, no coercion.

So he was over-estimating his ‘good behaviour’, which assumes that his normal parenting is not good enough. And he ascribes to the patriarchal view of men being able to bargain/coerce/force women into sex.

Okay. Well. Hi MrKeepsmiling! Quick question: do you plan on going down on your wife later in exchange for her taking the kids out later?

He'd have to forego the football too, to be in with a chance.

I want to know why he “knows” he’s never going to get one. Don’t you ever give him one? And if not, why not?