Help settle an argument between me and DH

[Keepsmiling1]

Slightly lighthearted but can you settle this argument!

I haven't been feeling well the past few days - nothing serious just generally run down. This morning DH got up with the dog at 6am (stupid clocks!) and I stayed upstairs with DDs who got into bed with me. We all got up for breakfast then he decided to take them pumpkin picking to give me a chance to have a rest. He left about 10.30am and was home at 11.40am bringing me flowers and lunch for all of us.

After we'd eaten he made a treasure hunt for DDs and now he's about to carve the pumpkins with them. I thanked him and said I appreciated him letting me have a rest and he said he thinks he's been good today and deserves a blow job tonight.

He was partly joking and knows it's not going to happen but wanted me to put it to the Mumsnet jury to see if he was being unreasonable to expect one? As a side note, I will be taking the girls and dog out later so he can watch the football in peace.

Like I said, it is lighthearted and in no way is he going to be funny or anything for not getting one!

Dh is insistent that hes read that semen is brilliant for sore throats...

Latest medical discovery!

Don’t you ever give him one? And if not, why not?

I appreciate this isn't necessarily the case with the OP, but not everyone likes giving them.

I'm a bit that people think this is just every day parenting/partnering. Seriously if I got up at 6 to walk the (hypothetical) dog, took the dc's pumpkin picking, brought dh a gift, sorted out lunch, did a treasure hunt for the dc's and carved pumpkins with them all in one day then I would be expecting a pretty decent reward from dh 😂 in fact I'd be reminding him of how amazing I was that day for weeks. So it definitely deserves a blowjob IMO.

Also think that some MNers need to lighten up, a bit of banter is good in a marriage. You've got to have a laugh with each other.

The one time my DH made this joke I replied back that he can add it to all the days I do most of the childcare (when he’s at work) so he can get his after he’s paid up on all the oral sex I’ve racked up - he sputtered something about having no choice about going to work so I said it’s not really a choice to feel unwell either - all this was jokingly of course.

So yeah, bit of a shit joke really, but if you total up all the times you’ve done the majority of childcare for whatever reasons - choose your preferred ‘reward’ and then when he’s paid up on all them, maybe you will consider his! 😂

But seriously it’s a huge turnoff when a partner and equal parent feels they deserve a pat on the head in any way for doing their job as a partner and a parent!

I had to have that conversation with my DH when he got moody that I didn’t thank him for doing the washing up (this was early days with him way before DC) and I calmly explained that I shouldn’t have to feel grateful for him pulling his weight at home 😑

Do most women not enjoy blowjobs or something?

Not 'most'. 'Some'.

Newsflash: Not all women and not all men enjoy all sexual practices.

WTF is sinister about having a joke with your partner. I expect thanks as much as I give thanks to DP. I expect DP to go down on me as much as I go down on him. I expect to do housework and parenting as much as I expect my DP to pull his weight. Yes there are SOME men who are arseholes but stop with the generalisations. I really fear for my 15yo DS if so many women still feel like this and are bringing up their daughters to feel/act this way.

Wow lots of replies!

I do think it was just banter (although if I had said ok he definitely wouldn't stop me!) We have a relationship which involves lots of jokes and to be honest it has got us through some tough times in the past.

PS He actually sounds like a lovely guy though - might show my DH all your DH has done today and tell him he needs to up his game

No he shouldn't expect a blow job for doing normal parenting.

Do most women not enjoy blowjobs or something?

Are you having a laugh?

I would find it a turn off. It would also devalue his earlier efforts as I was expected to reward him for being a parent.

I might laugh it off in the moment but I would probably ask DH not to say stuff like that when we were having a chat.

No not having a laugh. Of course it’s obvious that not everyone enjoys the same things.( thanks for the mansplaining nanny) But the tone of this thread suggests most of you don’t like giving them. Is that the case?

I was thinking your DH sounds great with all he did. I have a naughty sense of humour so I’d be laughing. My DH recommends the BH while he watches the football 😂.

*BJ

@berringer - um, not a man so can't mansplain...

The tone of the thread isn't objecting to bjs it was objecting to the use of them as a 'reward' for normal parenting.

@LettuceP I couldn't agree more! If I'd done all of that without the children involved I'd be impressed!

It's an old joke, yes it's a sexist. But unless he actually means it or would get angry if he didn't get one then it is just a joke. And OP isn't seriously unwell, having sex with the sniffles isn't going to kill her! 😂

And he should be thanked for looking after the kids so you could have some down time (not necessarily with a blow job before anyone flames me), in exactly the same way he should thank you for taking the kids out so he can watch the football! Isn't appreciating each other part of what makes you not feel taken for granted?

@Winterdaysarehere my DH offers his medicine - apparently it's magical and cures everything 😂😂

People really need to lighten up on here

Not liking jokes about sexual favours as rewards doesn't mean you have no sense of humour. Colds don't necessarily equal sexually transmitted diseases. Not performing blow jobs doesn't mean you're sexless.

Honestly, there are no shades of grey left on MN at all. Pun absolutely fucking intended.

In our house, no, jokes about sexual favours are not funny. Partly because my SOH doesn't tend that way but also because I'm a joyless feminist and I don't feel comfortable with the inherent misogyny. I have friends who do banter in this way and they're entirely comfortable with it. Thank heavens we are all different.

Just tell him to have a wank during the football while you are out with the children.

The op said she had a cold sore - you don't do oral with a cold sore.

Why is it some men do one day of the things that their partner does day in and day out and expect a reward for it?

Any excuse for some nakedness with the beloved, why not?

Ooh, op's DH - I'd be very, very careful if I were you....
Chap I knew picked up a very nasty infection and was hospitalised, catheter fitted, for over a week; he found out it's really not a good idea to get a bj from someone with a cold/throat infection.

I've said that to my wife, I offered to lubricate it. Fortunately she does have a sense of humour.

For all those of us who seemingly don’t have a sense of humour, could you explain what the joke is? It seems to boil down to:
“I have a sore throat.”
“Haha you should give me oral sex.”
I don’t get it. Unless it’s the kind of humour where anything sex-related is hilarious in itself?

I would have serious trouble having any kind of sex with someone who suggested he’d earned it because he’d ‘been good today’. It makes him sound like a spaniel begging for treats. Bit off-putting.

Oh FFS, he was joking. And even if there was a grain of hope, so bloody what. If this is all you have to worry about in your relationship, you're doing alright!