Help settle an argument between me and DH

[Keepsmiling1]

Slightly lighthearted but can you settle this argument!

I haven't been feeling well the past few days - nothing serious just generally run down. This morning DH got up with the dog at 6am (stupid clocks!) and I stayed upstairs with DDs who got into bed with me. We all got up for breakfast then he decided to take them pumpkin picking to give me a chance to have a rest. He left about 10.30am and was home at 11.40am bringing me flowers and lunch for all of us.

After we'd eaten he made a treasure hunt for DDs and now he's about to carve the pumpkins with them. I thanked him and said I appreciated him letting me have a rest and he said he thinks he's been good today and deserves a blow job tonight.

He was partly joking and knows it's not going to happen but wanted me to put it to the Mumsnet jury to see if he was being unreasonable to expect one? As a side note, I will be taking the girls and dog out later so he can watch the football in peace.

Like I said, it is lighthearted and in no way is he going to be funny or anything for not getting one!

DH has been reading the replies and is surprised at some of the views.

@gwackywacky DH said he gladly would!!

Keep smiling then ask him what hes waiting for then? Why is he browsing Mumsnet and not whisking you away up the stairs to give you a languid pumping? Please ask him!

Depends, OP. Is sex something that you usually exchange for goods and services? If either/both of you are happy with that model, then crack on.

Personally, I don't really think it is a joke - it plays into a tired old stereotype of sex/intimacy being something that women grudgingly dole out to reward men, rather than something both parties enjoy.

If he thinks it's a joke, tell him to get some new material.

I’m surprised he isn’t more aware that coercion into sex isn’t ok

He's surprised some women find it gross and insulting to be asked for a blow job as a "reward" for doing what he's supposed to be doing? When you're sick, no less. Oh yes, that's such a turn on.

I think a bit of banter between husband and wife that she herself has stated was a joke to be then compared to coercing into sex is a bit much!!! Give him one and make his day! I know he loves you whether you do it or not 😙😙♥️😆♥️♥️♥️

Think this is the wrong audience to find it funny.

But I really don't see him saying it as an issue and if my throat was ok, I would probably give my hubby a blow job, but then if he wanted one anyway i probably would and not as a reward for "good behaviour"

Does he not get them very often? Does he have to 'earn' them?
Me and dp joke about this kind of thing all the time, some people on here are very uptight.

My dh would say similar in jest 😂

As the token man posting here, I'm with him on this. He's been the perfect husband, I think he deserves two.

he said he thinks he's been good today and deserves a blow job tonight.

He thinks he's "been good"? He's done his fair share with the kids, hardly worthy of this level of self-congratulation. It was kind of him to bring you flowers but following it up with a comment about how he "deserves" a blow-job undermines the thoughtfulness of the gesture really.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine

Depends, OP. Is sex something that you usually exchange for goods and services?

That is frickin hilarious 🤣

It's odd because it's just not in keeping with the rest of your post; he's a Dad who engages with his DC (which is fab) then undermines it or expects some kind of reward. Adding "it's a joke" is neither here nor there. It's like when someone makes a crass or insensitive remark and follows it with "banter" as though that makes them less of a tosspot.

Anyone who expects some kind of reward for parenting a child properly isn't really parenting properly. You do it because it's your role in life the moment you decide to have a child. It's lovely if you have a child with a partner who recognises how hard you work for them, and admires that in you, but that is the bare minimum if you're hoping to raise happy, lovely children.

Meh, it’s a joke, we make them quite regularly 🤷🏽‍♂️

Blimey, there are some people on here who fail to see the fun side of anything!

I just read it to my wife and she can see the funny side of it.

Oh and she thinks he deserves one!

@PhilCornwall1 Are you mansplaining humour, Phil?

This is the sort of thing my dh would say as a joke.

I'd take it as light hearted and say "you didn't do that great of a job to deserve on" or something along those lines.

These kind of jokes don't play well on mumsnet.

I'd keep on negotiating. Like I said, the football would be out. I might insist on a foot massage. And a clean bathroom.. How much does he want this blowjob, really?

Give him half now and half later 😂

well that would depend - sounds like he's been having a good day with the DCs. Is he normally as hands on or is it only because you're ill?

Generally I don't find things like that funny, too near what women have had to spend years fighting against.

Hate “jokes” like that, crass and sexist, at best.

He was just doing ordinary parenting.

@gwackywacky if I knew what you were talking about, I'd probably answer.

My DP would say exactly the same to which I would roll my eyes VERY loudly and probably say "nice try maybe when I feel better" which would probably end up as mutual satisfaction later in the week

Why the indignation by some PP?? Don't you all have tit for tat banter with your partners? The OP said this was lighthearted and she obviously knew it was just banter.

My DP and me were only talking about this kind of thing yesterday. I really think communication is a forgotten thing with some people. If you are the type that is offended by the smallest things then I would hope you communicate that to your partners so that they would not say such things.

It's not actually the BJ wisecracking that's the issue here. If he had done you a massive favour, or gotten you an incredible gift, then it would have been kinda tongue in cheek and amusing.

But in this scenario hes done the bare minimum of what a fully functioning adult should be doing and hes jokingly asking to be rewarded for it. The BJ isnt the issue. The issue, and I'd like you to ask him this, is: why does he think today warrants any kind of reward?

Its the equivalent of you going to the pharmacy for him because hes desperately I'll, and you saying: "So! You better start researching the diamond ring to thank me for today then eh! HAHAHAHAHA!"

I'd take it as a joke tbh. I wouldn't get offended over it.