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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is a CF, me or them?

181 replies

Bear2014 · 26/10/2019 17:15

I have £70 of theatre and cinema tokens we can't currently use as we are exhausted with young DC. I texted my parents who go to the theatre and cinema all the time to ask if they could use them. They said yes, thanks. I said great, we can use the cash for something else. They then replied that they didn't realise I wanted money for them so thanks but no thanks. WIBU? I'm really doubting myself now but for context they are well off and we have massive outgoings with nursery fees etc Confused

OP posts:
Witchend · 26/10/2019 19:42

From your text I'd assume they were free for your parents.
If you wanted money for them I'd have expected the text to say "I've £70 of cinema vouchers I'm selling for £35 are you interested?"

MintyMabel · 26/10/2019 19:52

You weren’t selling them because you can’t use them as they have no expiry date on them you were selling them because you wanted the cash.

Weird that you’d tap your parents up that way. Why not sell them on the internet or a local selling site?

StreetwiseHercules · 26/10/2019 19:54

You are.

Cannotresist · 26/10/2019 19:58

Why is it awkward it’s your parents? If there is still an atmos. Do they know your a bit skint I would say to them why you offered and your a but cash strapped while unlikely to use the ticks so If they are planning to do these things soon could they possibly ask fe the voucher to go towards the cost and give you the cash

Gileadisreal · 26/10/2019 20:02

That was a miscommunication. If I were you, I'd have said 'i've got £70 worth of vouchers, would you like to buy them off me for £50'. There would have been no breakdown in communication and everyone's a winner.

Bear2014 · 26/10/2019 20:06

FYI I have apologised to my mum for my lack of judgement!

OP posts:
Fi1982 · 26/10/2019 20:12

I wouldn’t have apologised, and would also help my DD out in a heartbeat with this kind of thing, if she was skint and juggling family commitments and work.

Can you give them to OH’s parents for Xmas instead?

Karwomannghia · 26/10/2019 20:16

I totally thought you meant gift them but on the other hand have said before to my mum if you buy anything from x could you use my vouchers and give me the money as I don’t shop there and she’s fine with it. I do the same for my kids. Don’t beat yourself up.

CottonSock · 26/10/2019 20:22

Well done for the apology. I had a similar confusion with a friend offering me over 100 quids worth of vouchers for something. I was initially well chuffed then had a realisation that she probably wanted the money so I asked for her bank details. I owed her a favour though.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/10/2019 20:30

I agree that it's (albeit unintentionally here) awkward if you canvas interest for something before stating what the full offered deal is. "Could you use" is only one side of the bargain without stating what it would cost them and does sound like you're just wanting to get rid of it rather than selling it.

I'm not saying it was your deliberate plan at all, OP, but it happens to be the same principle that a lot of salespeople use, especially dodgy ones - establish that the potential customer IS interested and only then spring an unexpectedly high price on them.

I know you've acknowledged that you maybe didn't word it as well as you could have done. They're under no obligation to do so, but as a PP said, most caring parents, on learning that you weren't able to use them (as opposed to not really your cup of tea) because of the child(ren), would have said "Well, we could use them, but how about we babysit for you so that you can enjoy your gift?"

I very much disagree with those protesting that you got them free, so how dare you want money for them. If you'd won them in a competition or been handed them as a perk of working in the industry, I'd agree; but when they were your Christmas/birthday/anniversary GIFT, that's not the same thing at all.

This reminds me of the recent 'gift experience voucher' thread, where people were insisting the same thing. If somebody has actively chosen you to receive a gift that they've specifically bought for you, then it's not unreasonable to want to get some personal benefit from it. Looking at it coldly, you might well have reciprocated with the giver and given them something of equal value for their enjoyment.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/10/2019 20:32

It appears that adjacent brackets somehow nullified and messed up the italics function above, but I'm sure you get the gist....

OrchidInTheSun · 26/10/2019 20:38

Sell them on Facebook for 15% off face value or something. And fwiw you're not being tight. My parents wouldn't hesitate to pay (or offer to look after the kids so I could use them)

returnofthecat · 26/10/2019 20:44

See, I go to the theatre a lot and I would also have said no.

For me, theatre tokens are the equivalent of Pizza Express gift vouchers - I mean, sure, I could eat at Pizza Express, but because I wouldn't be able to use any deals, the gift vouchers would end up costing me more money. It's not a straight voucher for cash swap, and it's a faff.

Theatre tokens are a nice gift for someone who doesn't go to the theatre often.

If someone said "could you use...?" I would have taken it to mean a gift. I'd probably have bought them something at a later stage - a drink or a meal, depending on the true value to me minus a hassle factor - but I wouldn't have offered cash up front. I would also have been quite put out if cash was expected.

Try selling the tokens onto someone else on FB marketplace as suggested, but expect to have to offer a decent discount on face value.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/10/2019 20:44

You weren’t selling them because you can’t use them as they have no expiry date on them you were selling them because you wanted the cash.

Weird that you’d tap your parents up that way. Why not sell them on the internet or a local selling site?

If OP's DP are likely to be spending money soon at the theatre and cinema anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong in asking if they would be willing to help you out by buying your vouchers from you and then using them at the box office in lieu of the cash. If you have young DC then, even if they have no expiry date, it's a bit galling to see them sitting there on the side, waiting for several years before you'll get chance to use them, when you're skint and you could really use their value now for essential bills. To the DP, those vouchers represent readily usable currency whereas, for the OP, they're intrinsically valuable but effectively unredeemable - sort of like a comb to a completely bald person.

The only awkwardness was in the accidental ambiguity of asking, which the OP now realises in hindsight and has accepted and apologised for. OP was (inadvertently) being a bit unreasonable and, unlike so many OPs, has now graciously accepted that.

Notthetoothfairy · 26/10/2019 20:48

I would perhaps take the DC to something like The Gruffalo plus a suitable film. Unless they are tiny babies, they would enjoy it.

shiningstar2 · 26/10/2019 20:50

A pity you hadn't thought of the Christmas gift idea before as that would have served the purpose of helping you out if you are currently cash strapped. I would have bought them from my daughter to help her out. However I do a lot for her and her family ...paid holidays ...half the price of her last car. She definitely doesn't owe me for this as it's our choice. I would have loved it though if she had vouchers spare and had offered to give them to me. I would have felt really appreciated and would have still given her half of the cost.

If your parents do a lot for you it would have been a nice gesture to have given the vouchers to them or have offered them at a reduced price. However I can remember what it was like to be really cash strapped when young so wanting the money is understandable.

As they come in a £40 a £30 block could you use them for two different people's gifts at Christmas or maybe keep the cinema tickets to use as a family Christmas treat. You could put the information in the kid's stockings and that could be one of their Christmas gifts taken care of.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/10/2019 20:53

I don’t understand the logic of them spending full whack for them. I mean, it just makes booking more tricky and no saving...

Very odd. If they wanted them as a gift for someone else then wouldn’t they just get new ones or are they on a never ending train of regifting?

Neverender · 26/10/2019 20:57

Any time I get John Lewis vouchers I sell them to my DM as she's lovely and knows how much the nursery bill is a struggle - YANBU. They have lost all sense of empathy IMO.

Bear2014 · 26/10/2019 20:58

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll thank you so much for taking the time, you made me feel so much better and totally get the situation I think. My DP literally go to the theatre all the time, like monthly at least, and have no budgeting constraints so I am still a bit weirded out by their response, but I can understand the point of view of most posters. It's a communication fail, for sure.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/10/2019 21:00

@Neverender JL vouchers are a bit different though as between JL and Waitrose there's got to be something they want. I shop in both a lot so it's basically cash.

We don't know if these theatre vouchers can be used in conjunction with other deals, senior citizen discount (sorry if OP's parents are younger!) etc. Also it's a pain having to ring up with all the details if you're used to being able to book online.

instaglum · 26/10/2019 21:01

Yeah, I wouldn't charge my old Mum for something I couldn't use - she wiped my bum once!

JohnCRaven · 26/10/2019 21:03

I asked my mum if she'd be able to help me out by buying some vouchers off me. Not only did she not buy them but she sent me a cheque for how much they were and said I should use them on something I needed. That's what a DM can do so yes YANBU to ask but perhaps you could have worded it better.

Cantrememberpassword · 26/10/2019 21:05

You are the CF.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/10/2019 21:17

I don’t understand the logic of them spending full whack for them. I mean, it just makes booking more tricky and no saving...

If you're offering them for sale to a stranger, then yes, you need to offer a decent discount to make it worth their while bothering with you; otherwise, there's nothing at all in it for them so they'd just ignore you and use cash as normal.

However, when you're asking family or friends to make a very slight difference to how they pay for something, which makes no odds to them but helps you massively, that's entirely another matter. There IS something in it for them: helping a loved one.

diddl · 26/10/2019 21:32

Why would you ask your parents for money for something that cost you nothing though-I don't get that at all?

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