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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my work are trying to penalise me for not wearing makeup or dresses?

676 replies

Name1Changer123 · 25/10/2019 18:41

I work in a large office, there is no official dress code or uniform but men are expected to wear suits, and women 'to look presentable and buisnesslike'. I'm not girly and I don't like dresses or skirts so I usually wear just a blouse and ordinary black trousers. I never wear high heels or makeup because I don't feel the need to alter my face every morning and I can't walk in high heels.

A couple of times comments have been made about making sure we look presentable, seemingly directed at everyone in general so I just ignored them as I presumed I did.

Well this morning I was called in for a chat with my manager who said there had been a few comments that I didn't seem to be putting any effort in to look presentable and could I make sure I'm following the dress code (which is just to 'look presentable). Yes I basically just wear a blouse and trousers every day, but surely that is business like? The only reason I can think of why I'm not 'presentable' is my lack of make up. I'm literally the only one who doesn't wear any. There are ladies in my office who wear a blouse and a skirt and they never seem to get told off so aibu to think my office is trying to get me to wear makeup?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Teacakeandalatte · 25/10/2019 21:13

Get a new job somewhere they don't judge you so much on how you look.

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 25/10/2019 21:13

OP could you take a photo of yourself dressed for work, blur/cover your face on it, and post on here? People imagine such different things from the one description it would really help to see exactly how you look and then we could give feedback.

ThreeLittleDots · 25/10/2019 21:14

What sort of men's shoes are they? If they're like the ones that I've attached, they'll look disjointed with the rest of your outfit

How?

clunky shoes (polished or not) don't contribute to a professional overall look

So what do you advise men wear then?

Supersimkin2 · 25/10/2019 21:14

'You might want to rethink your panty/trouser combination' was just one of the messages I received on our internal chat, when I was being vilely bullied by some managers I am delighted to report are now unemployed. Jobless because they're arseholes, not because of their rampant sexism, but still.

They had waited till I was on the floor plugging in some IT to squeal with delight as you could see a bit of granny knicker popping out of the top of my for All Mankind Jeans. And emailed the office about it.

Tall thin women automatically look professional - their bodies are way more male and thus acceptable in business. Yes, it is that sexist and simple.

Small fat ladies may have to make an effort, as I do, to avoid comments from twat managers.

OP, either you fight the twats & enter a world of pain or adjust a bit and then take on the silly people, thereby winning.

I was mercilessly bullied by my cow of a boss (female) but who had the last laugh when I got a better paid job than she did, arf, so it shows you that 5 min can work wonders (see below). I now do that job in my pyjamas - not a coincidence.

Adjustment should take no longer than 5 min; you are removing droop and flap, replacing with crisp and neat. I hate crisp and neat, but it's quicker than you think. Channel suburban, dull and bland.

Hair is a bitch for letting you down. Keep it short or tie it up. Smell nice - scent takes 5 secs to spritz. Buy 5 plain cream shirts from Primark a size too big and wear a clean one every day. Ditto 3 pairs of dark blue trousers. Do not wear socks, they'll show - pop socks or tights, sorry. Blazer on back of chair. Clear nail polish.

Absolutely no clothing with fringes, limp scarves, oversized anything. Brown is forbidden. Red jackets are good. Jewellery either non-existent or expensive. Men's coats are brilliant if you are tall enough.Get a decent handbag. Never carry a plastic bag to a meeting. That's it.

Warpdrive · 25/10/2019 21:15

OP could it be your hair? does it need tying back? (if its unruly) Sometimes a quick brush and rearrange at lunchtime can make a big difference.

As a matter of interest, do you meet customers/ the public in your job?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 25/10/2019 21:15

“Professional” for women clearly = “feminine” and “white” for some posters. Frizzy hair FGS. Angry

YourOpinionIsNoted · 25/10/2019 21:15

Is your hair wildly frizzy? Do you wear it up in a neat pony or bun?

Very, very dodgy ground here. This is why black women get so much shit for their hair. There is no reason why straight hair should be seen as more professional than non straight hair.

ShowYourselfLucifer · 25/10/2019 21:16

@Glacecherrychops

Of course not.
Natural Afro hair is gorgeous and looks vastly different to Caucasian hair that is unkempt and frizzy.
But I'm sure you know that's what I meant.

I suffer with the problem myself and as much as I'd love to, cannot leave the house without putting it into a bun.
It looks messy.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 25/10/2019 21:16

Clear nail polish and scent - Angry

RingtheBells · 25/10/2019 21:17

My hair is quite curly and frizzy and it would be very difficult to get it into a neat pony tail or bun.

AutumnRose1 · 25/10/2019 21:17

Lucifer so you'd be unhappy with clunky shoes and frizzy hair in a man?

I can't get rid of my frizzy hair unless I do awful chemical stuff to it. Nor should I have to.

Namenic · 25/10/2019 21:18

I don’t get why the men’s shoes are a problem. It your sounds like your things are clean and ironed. The only thing to add is if they fit correctly and go together (eg tight fitting trousers but baggy shirt, clashing colours).

I wonder whether people have a different opinion of what ‘fits’ a man or a woman. I personally think the standard should be the same but for each to have a wide range of choice. I think Women’s trousers are rubbish and impractical because they have small pockets that can not properly hold wallet and keys.

Furiosa · 25/10/2019 21:19

LolaSmiles

I'll accept that BUT if OP is wearing (by her own admission) clean, ironed, shirts and trousers...

...the question is...

What in the world is the problem?!?!

ShowYourselfLucifer · 25/10/2019 21:19

For posters that cannot help but miss the point re: the frizzy hair.

This is mine, naturally.
Are you saying I could, feasibly, go to the workplace like this and look professional?

It has absolutely nothing to do with Afro hair. There's a huge difference between frizz and Afro.

To think my work are trying to penalise me for not wearing makeup or dresses?
ThreeLittleDots · 25/10/2019 21:21

Would Mhairi Black get all this ridiculous 'style advice'?! She looks perfectly presentable and businesslike. Are her presumably clunky shoes and lack of nail gels an issue?

To think my work are trying to penalise me for not wearing makeup or dresses?
BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 25/10/2019 21:21

Unless they are being specific then I agree with you! You’re clean and tidy!

ShowYourselfLucifer · 25/10/2019 21:21

And just to reiterate...

By frizzy I did not mean not straight.
As you can see by the picture I've attached.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/10/2019 21:21

@ShowYourselfLucifer I'm jealous of anyone who has hair right now but I actually love yours!

I understand why you don't after a lifetime of looking at al but I think it's really pretty!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 25/10/2019 21:22

I can’t actually see the image.

ShowYourselfLucifer · 25/10/2019 21:23

@seaweedandmarchingbands

And that's what happens when you try to read between the lines of a completely innocent comment.

You get it completely wrong.

LolaSmiles · 25/10/2019 21:24

Supersimkin2
Some people are twats.
I was once told by a wonderful female boss that my attire was "too feminine" for wearing a dress, blazer and flats. It turned out that she liked to pick on younger female staff and people would generally roll their eyes and move on. I'm aware of friends who've had worse comments made too.

But, equally I do think men's workwear is a lot simpler on the whole and so there's much less subjectivity.I don't think it's always unreasonable to suggest someone smartens up (I had to make that suggestion nicely to a trainee one year because their attire was affecting how pupils were viewing her and it was an easy win to smarten up).

I love your advice too.
I'd also add, get a nice pair of trousers that fit your shape well and go with most things.
Keep the brogue shoes if they go and don't let anyone whine about having comfy shoes
Have a couple of interchangable jackets to throw over basics.

AutumnRose1 · 25/10/2019 21:24

I can't see the pic

But while my hair is not Afro, genetics, race - I can't keep up - something makes it frizzy. I shouldn't have to iron it out to be considered presentable. It's clean and brushed.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 25/10/2019 21:24

ShowYourselfLucifer

You have utterly lost me, I’m afraid.

Glacecherrychops · 25/10/2019 21:25

But what does professional mean?

Neutral, competent, friendly.

Wearing stained clothes implies you are lazy/stressed. Wearing overly sexualised clothes makes people uncomfortable, and signals you are more interested in socialising than working.

What negative message does having frizzy/curly hair send? That... you have frizzy/curly hair? Whats the problem?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/10/2019 21:25

That is a lovely picture of MB who I think is really stylish.

I don't think she wears clunky shoes though- loads of people have recommended brogues.

I have no interest in what she does or doesn't have on her nails. Weird compulsion to google it now.

To think my work are trying to penalise me for not wearing makeup or dresses?