Aibu to want to be a Mrs even though I'm now divorced?

[flirtygirl]

I kept my maiden name and used my married name for the years I was married (13). The married name I've been changing over now but for years I was Miss C Smith or Mrs C Smith Jones (both show on my credit report, passport is in one and driving licence in the other) .

I now want to be Mrs C Smith instead of Miss.

No idea why but it hurts me for people to think I'm a single mum who has never been married, is it my internalised misogyny?

I know it shouldn't matter to be but it does.

Mz? I still don't know what that sounds like. You have to have a vowel sound in there.

But look how many people object to Ms because it apparently signals a divorcee or 'can't pronounce' it.

If a universal switch to Ms is a problem because people object to due to incorrect beliefs about meaning, a universal switch to Mrs is also a problem as people object to it due to the actual meaning.

Strictly speaking, the 'actual meaning' is Mistress. There's been a cultural decision that that title only goes to married women. That could be changed.

Literally Mz, maybe with a slight schwa or short 'u' sound in there.

(ffs, posted too soon again) And it's not easy or particularly pleasant to say, though as things stand (if I lived in an English speaking country/weren't Dr) it would be my preference.

Strictly speaking, the 'actual meaning' is Mistress. There's been a cultural decision that that title only goes to married women. That could be changed.

The cultural meaning of any title could be changed, so that would apply to Ms as much as Mrs. It simply isn't an argument in favour of universal adult female Mrs over anything else.

Also, the actual meaning isn't Mistress. At best that's what it originated from, which is not the same thing. There's not a lot of point couching women's titles in terms of 'strictly speaking'. It's all custom and practice.

So it's pronounced Muz in the UK? That's also not hard to pronounce.

Didn't there used to be a cool magazine for teen girls' when I was growing up called 'Mizz' because of this, or am I making that up? (Probably!)

It also doesn’t actually matter how you pronounce it- so long as it doesn’t souls like Miss or Mrs.

People get that Ms is pronounced like Mrs if you take the middle out right?

Just take out the ‘iss’ sound out of Missiz (because yes, it’s generally closer to a z than a soft at the end), becomes Miz with the ‘i’ being a schwa (similar to the ‘i’ in pencil).

So if you can say Mrs, you can say Ms with absolutely no struggle because your mouth does go that way, it just usually puts another sound in between.

Unless people are being a little disingenuous? Couldn’t be.

'There's not a lot of point couching women's titles in terms of 'strictly speaking'. It's all custom and practice.'

Quite. As is current usage of Mrs.

Yes, I used to read Mizz! I think the reference was supposed to be along the lines of 'edgy, rebellious Miss' as opposed to 'Ms', though.

I think, Jassy, that for some people Ms is unpronounceable in the same way as aspects of others' regional dialects that they don't like are ungrammatical (and guessing there's quite a lof of overlap there). (For anyone who hasn't noticed, despite my argument for generalising the meaning of Mrs, I'm not anti Ms).

And current use of Ms. Essentially, all the arguments you've made in favour of universal adult female Mrs can also be made in favour of Ms.

Or different ones. I'm not that invested in whether Mrs or Ms is used to do the job, tbh. I'd just prefer women's titles to not carry information about marital status, as if it were of any importance.

I think, Jassy, that for some people Ms is unpronounceable in the same way as aspects of others' regional dialects that they don't like are ungrammatical

I suspect you are right.

I'm invested in not having Mrs assigned to me. The connotations are unacceptable. I'd consider something entirely new I suppose, but not a title that already exists and denotes one's marital status.

I'm divorced and prefer not to use any "courtesy" title at all, but that seems to be almost impossible in the world of on-line forms. So I go by Mr, Miss, Ms or Mrs depending on how I feel at the time.

I'm on the M&S system as Lord. I did that in store so a sales assistant filled in the form for me, and didn't so much as raise an eyebrow.

I used to read Mizz too! So very 80s

I also read Ms., the American 70s feminist magazine, because my mother got it, along with Spare Rib. So Ms always signified ‘independent woman’ to me, from a young age.

If people struggle with pronouncing Ms, Mx is going to blow their minds.

Mz? I still don't know what that sounds like. You have to have a vowel sound in there.
Exactly. Even "Muzz" feels very back of the throat and mumbly. I don't mind Mizz, although if you said it here they would go "Miss?" I prefer it in America where Ms (Mizz) seems to be the norm.

Exactly. Even "Muzz" feels very back of the throat and mumbly. I don't mind Mizz, although if you said it here they would go "Miss?" I prefer it in America where Ms (Mizz) seems to be the norm.

I helpfully explained about the schwa sound a few posts ago.

Just like the second vowel sound in Mrs, by coincidence. Does that feel back of the throat too?

I changed my name by deed poll when I was 18, and was told by the solicitor then (20 years ago) that I was now a Ms, as Miss was for unmarried women with their birth names. Didn't bother me, at 18 I quite enjoyed being a Ms. I changed to Mrs husbands surname in my 20s, and once divorced I kept his surname but reverted to Ms instead, which I have now been for a decade.

Kids at school often ask (it's still unusual in teaching staff to be a Ms) and I'm often honest and say it's because I'm divorced so I chose to become a Ms as I felt Mrs didn't suit my circumstances.

I remember my mum reverting to Ms maiden name when she divorced in the 90s. She wanted her maiden name, but after divorce didn't feel that Miss was right for her, as she was now 20 years old and not the 18 year old she was when she married. That probably influenced my decision to go with Ms too.

I took my husbands name when I married and kept it when we divorced so I had the same name as my kids

Despite professionals knowing I'm divorced they still insist in using my married surname with Ms. Drives me bonkers

It does to me yeah. Maybe I'm weird I dunno. I use Ms -in fact I'm Ms great grandma's maiden name which is an unusual situation, I just dont like it much. I want a more pleasing title ideally.

Oh and I don't make the solicitor right in what he said, but thats how it was explained to me!