We have two daughters. One is a teenager- very studious, quiet, always well behaved as you'd expect from someone her age. The other is 5 and behaves really well most of the time. For example, when we take her to restaurants etc she will always sit well and eat with no fuss, no messing around etc. She is polite, well mannered and doing well at school. All good. However, sometimes she has moments where she doesn't quite do as she should- don't put her shoes on, get her hair brushed etc. Nothing hideous but quite normal 5 year old stuff.
Anyway, we have just returned from visiting relatives and our 5 year old had just such a moment. This was over something and nothing and we dealt with it without much issue. However, the thing I have been left upset about was my relatives attitude towards her and the situation. They told her to "shut up" when she was complaining (didn't want to put her shoes on), said "I know what she needs" meaning a smack and then repeatedly told her she wasn't welcome but her older sister was as she's always well behaved. I didn't say much to them at the time- I got on with sorting the shoe crisis and then we left. However, we are supposed to be going there for Christmas and I now really don't want to. I feel that my lovely little girl doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that for simply being a 5 year old. There were so many moments when her behaviour was amazing while we were there and none of those were ever commented on- only the negative. Their help wasn't requested- her behaviour re the shoes was already being dealt with and really did not need two more adults wading in and making threats.
For context, we have never hit our children, never would and feel very strongly about this. They, and most other family members however, did/do hit theirs.
So AIBU to tell them we won't be there for Christmas or anytime soon.