To think she will regret this?

[IceAndASlice123]

Friend of the family, 20 years old, boyfriend of 6 months proposed to her last night. Aibu to think it will end in tears or am I just cynical?

I really don't see what the problem is? Is it because she is only 20? Or because it's been 6 months? Sometimes you just....know. A courtship doesn't have to be 5 years. I personally think a year is more than enough to know. One couple I know were engaged after 6 weeks, yes, six weeks. They were together until old age. 6 months is a fair enough time to decide if you can live with someone forever. And many people got married at 19 onwards over the years. It may be a mistake, then it again it may last and you'll look back and think what were you thinking when you looked down on it.

Better he marries her and then she has the kid(s).

I got married young at 21, we were together 4 years though. But i also have a friend who got married at 22 and they were together less than a year. Still going strong now after 12 years!
Another friend of mine got married after 10 years of relationship, 8 of them they lived together. Got divorced after a year!

You just never know! It might work out or it might not. But if it feels really right for her now then you should be supportive!

You can get couples who marry at the age of 16 and stay together until they both die in their 90s, having lived a happy life with lots of children, good jobs, nice houses and cars and lots of friends.

You can equally get couples who marry in their 30s/40s who divorce after a year, despite being convinced they were "the one".

You cannot tell.

It might end in tears, but it's not up to you to tell her that. Be there for her when things are good, and be there for her when things are bad.

If she's only 20, chances are it will take a little while to save up for the wedding anyway.

Better a wedding than a baby. Obviously been listening to the MN Aunties.

I was engaged at that age and it didn't work out. Nothing bad happened, we just didn't end up getting wed and parted ways.

If she did make it up the aisle, then it's no more or less likely to 'end in tears' than any other marriage looking at the high divorce rates.
Just be happy for her that she is happy.

Who can say for sure? I met and married my DH within a year - you just know when someone is right for you. I was 24 though and those extra years make a difference. I feel that 20 is too young. Marry in haste, repent at leisure as they say.

DH and I got engaged to be married after 5 months together. We were 21. We've been married nearly twenty years...

You sound nasty. We got engaged after 5 months when I was 19. We have now been together 23 years.

It could work out! I'd spent about 2 weeks in the same country as my boyfriend (we'd been together just over a month officially) before he proposed to me. I was 22 years old. We married when I was 25 and just passed our 10 year wedding anniversary this summer. Blissfully happy!

Why do you think only you know the "reality"? I met DH when I was 16 and we got engaged at 19. Got married after uni. We're 35 now, 2 kids and still happy. Some people warned us it wouldn't last but it has so far.

My mum married my dad (a widower with three children under five, brave woman!) at 23 having known him for three months. They stayed happy together until he died at 85 nearly three years ago. Love is love, give them a chance with some positivity OP. If it works out then that's glorious and if it doesn't then that's life and she'll go on to make all kinds of life mistakes, we all do.

Who knows.

I know plenty of couples who married young and who are still together. Equally, I know plenty who married late and split up within weeks.

@IceAndASlice123

YANBU.

When people meet, and get engaged within a few months, it makes me cringe.

I would have been mortified if my DC had come home (whilst still a teenager, or only just out of their teens,) and introduced their new partner, and said they were getting engaged within a few weeks. I could not have supported it, and would have done everything I could to talk them out of it/stop it. Probably wouldn't have succeeded but I would have tried.

My DC (mid 20s, in relationships, but not married,) have been telling me at least once every couple of months, since they left school, that this person and that person they went to school with is getting engaged or married, or on their 2nd or 3rd child (by 22 to 23ish, having married/first got pregnant at 18-20,) and I am gobsmacked.

I just don't think there's any need to settle and get married/start a family when you're only just out of school. Not in this day and age. There are so many opportunities for girls these days. Why tie yourself down to a life of domestic chores and drudgery when you're barely out of childhood.

From what I have seen, when a couple settles down very young, it will quite often be a couple where at least one of them has a mother who settled down very young. (like under 21.)

@LavendarGreen what a load of rubbish. Some people are genuinely happy in good relationships.

@LavendarGreen I met my DP when I was 17, moved in together at 20 and got pregnant at 23.

I have a great job. I haven't committed myself to a life of housework and drudgery. We get on brilliantly, still. We both have our own interests and hobbies and neither of us hold the other back.

My mother didn't settle down young. But she's now single, twice-divorced with 5 children from 3 men.

Are you still married to your DCs father?

I would be cynical too OP. Just smile and offer congratulations.

I agree with you OP but you have to just smile and say congrats!

I nearly got engaged at 20. I now think of him and laugh. You change so much at that age. I don't think it's comparable at all to people now in their 50.s+ who met that age, as now kids are kids for a lot longer. Probably all about the instagram fuss.

YABU - Plenty of people who got married young are still together and there are plenty who aren't.....just like any age I suppose.

I met my OH through family friends and after 3 meetings we got married. Granted I was older, 29, but I know there are plenty of people who would look down at our decision....

Lots of people are together years and years, get married and then break up. My DP's friend, together 11 years, got married, less than 18mths later it ended. Time won't guarantee you anything! Just be happy for them.

The thing is, who knows. One of my friends got married at 21 and are still happily together now at 38. Another of my friends got engaged at 35 after four years together and divorced six months later. I moved in with DH after 3 months and we are still happy 5 years later.

I just tend to say congratulations and let them figure things out for themselves.

Just say congratulations and move on. I was engaged at 17 had a baby at 19 and 20 then got married at 21 then had another baby at 22. We are very happy many years later and no we dont have shit jobs ect we actually grew together as a couple and work bloody hard. Stop with so much judgement.

I dated my husband about 6 months before we got engaged at 18. Long engagement. We've been together 20 years now. 3 kids.

@IceAndASlice123

YANBU.

@AmIthough and @KnifeAngel

I am not 'wrong' or 'talking rubbish,' I am voicing my opinion - I am entitled to it, just as much as you are. Sounds like my opinion hit a nerve for you, but I am still entitled to my opinion, and that is that there is absolutely no need to settle down very young. There is SO much you can do, and so many opportunities and exciting things to do with your life. Why tie yourself down in your teens?

And I agree with @CoastalWave , you change SO much between 16-17 and your mid 20s. AND the 'my parents/auntie and uncle, granny and grandpop married at twelve and have been married 150 years' mantra that people spout, is irrelevant. Many years ago (pre mid 1980s,) there weren't many opportunities for women, (especially the working classes.) But now there is, so I just don't 'get' why people settle down very young these days...

To get married and have babies very young is tying yourself to a life of drudgery. And as I said, there's simply no need to rush to the alter/register office at a young age. There's so much more you can do with your (young) life. The saying 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' is there for a reason!

Yes I am still with my 2 DCs father, and we have been together for over 30 years. Married in our late 20s, and are still together. And I am very pleased that our 2 DC (mid 20s) have not got married yet. I'd have been very disappointed and worried for them if they'd settled down/got married/had a baby whilst still in their teens!

As I said, I am not wrong or talking shit. I am perfectly entitled to my opinions. Whether you like them or not. People are coming up with anecdotal comments like they know this couple and that couple who married at 17 and are still together 20-30 years later, but that doesn't change my opinion; that I don't think anyone needs to get engaged/married under the age of 21. (Not in this day and age.)

And let's face it, everyone is going to come out with anecdotes and tales that suit their argument.

I am leaving the thread now, (and hiding it,) as I have said all I can say, and can't add anything else to it. Also, I am not going to change my opinions (or my mind,) just because someone doesn't like my opinions, or claims that I am 'talking rubbish.'