Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she will regret this?

130 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 24/10/2019 22:31

Friend of the family, 20 years old, boyfriend of 6 months proposed to her last night. Aibu to think it will end in tears or am I just cynical?

OP posts:
HappySonHappyMum · 24/10/2019 23:02

We al have to learn by our own mistakes why do you assume she will regret it. I met my DH at 13, started to go out with him at 18, engaged at 20, married at 27, married for 18 years now together for 27 - it's not always a bad thing you know!

recklessgran · 24/10/2019 23:04

Engaged 5 weeks after meeting, married 8 months later. 5DD's and 43 years still going strong - everyone said it wouldn't last - he's the love of my life!

Leflic · 24/10/2019 23:08

Honestly? Do what if it does.

Most people have a heartbreaking split in their lives.

Does it matter. As everyone of the relationship board points out, there is someone else out there.

jellybeanteaparty · 24/10/2019 23:10

I find suggesting to a couple that they make sure they have gone through every season together (i.e a year) before marrying does not offend them and makes sense to them so as long as the wedding is not in 4 months they have time to see if they are well suited.

Hollachica · 24/10/2019 23:11

Who are you to judge.
Marriage break up, some don't. Life is full of experiances.
Let & let live.

saraclara · 24/10/2019 23:12

We got engaged after 6 months (21 and 23), and married after another six. We were together and very happy for 35 years until he died.

I hope the couple in the OP are as lucky.

5zeds · 24/10/2019 23:12

What on Earth do you think is intrinsically wrong with meeting someone and getting engaged at 20??? I think your reaction is fairly odd. I’ve been with my partner since I was 19 and am nearly fifty. You sound extraordinarily patronising.

MintyMabel · 24/10/2019 23:13

My cousin got married at 22 to a guy she had known for less than two years. They’ve just celebrated 10 years married and have two lovely children.

It doesn’t have to be a disaster, it isn’t your place to judge their relationship.

undeadmedicstudentmum · 24/10/2019 23:15

I met my now-husband on my sixteenth birthday! We've now been together for 24 years, married for 16 and have a 7 yr old and a 2 yr old. So you never knowSmile

Zebraaa · 24/10/2019 23:18

You sound abit jealous OP.

Millionsofthings · 24/10/2019 23:18

You never know! They may last!

I met my husband age 16, got engaged at 17, married at 20 and we due to celebrate our 20th anniversary very soon. We did have a long time before we had children and our first didn’t arrive until our 13th wedding anniversary.

I do think it’s why we made it this far. Hats off to any young parents out there but for us having our much longer for children has actually been the biggest test of our relationship. So much can change from getting engaged to actually arranging a wedding and going through with it, if she was having a child then that’s a more intense level of commitment to someone, you can never call that off!!

Just wish them well and say congratulations, I still remember comments people made to us at all those years ago about how silly we where being!

MrsTriOskvi · 24/10/2019 23:20

Got married 7 months in, one of the best decisions I've made so far. Fingers crossed it stays that way Smile

VanyaHargreeves · 24/10/2019 23:22

Seeing as no one on Mumsnet knows anything about this couple other than their age and relationship status, who are any of us to know whether they will or won't have a long and happy relationship ?

Thread is : "AIBU to think she'll regret this?" meaning your own view is negative and you only started the thread to crowdsource support for that negativity

Judgy and not much a friend I'd say if your reaction to her happiness is to start a mean spirited anonymous discussion about it

Beautiful3 · 24/10/2019 23:27

I met my first boyfriend when I was 18 years old. We have been together for 19 years! So you can't always presume young people will split up. Be happy for them and let them live in the moment.

hartof · 24/10/2019 23:31

DH proposed to me 8 months in. I was 17.

17 years later still very much together, happy and married for 11 years.

00deed1988 · 24/10/2019 23:32

I was 23 when my boyfriend (who was a full time single father) of 2.5 months proposed....We were married 14 months after that. 6 years married now with another child between us and never been happier.

It really does depend. Not always a bad thing!

Minorityreports · 24/10/2019 23:33

You don't actually sound like you care for her at all!

Ibiza2015 · 24/10/2019 23:36

I know someone who was in the same situation almost exactly and she’s been married 18 years now.

I met my husband at 20, he proposed after 19 months, together almost 21 years.

People used to be married as teenagers and have a squad of kids by 20 not so long ago. And divorce was much rarer then.

GreyHare · 24/10/2019 23:37

Met my husband at 17 got engaged 6 months later, didn't marry for 9 years but still going strong 28 years later.

S what if they don't last, they are currently happy together and if you care for them you should be happy for them, no one has a magic crystal ball to predict the future, so try and grab a little joy in life and be happy for them.

firawla · 24/10/2019 23:37

You can’t presume they’ll regret it, they may well have a long and happy marriage. Good luck to them!

I married my dh at 18, and we had been engaged very quickly. Coming up to 15 years later, we have no regrets. Being young is not an automatic recipe for disaster

IAmPrettyWisdomous · 24/10/2019 23:37

You seem to judge an awful lot as I have read a lot of your threads.

Overall, this is not your business nor do you know the dynamics of their relationship. If you cannot be happy for them, just keep your negative opinions to yourself.

No one has any idea how long a relationship will truly last, anything is possible.

Tangofandango · 24/10/2019 23:38

Met DH 2 weeks after my 20th birthday. Got engaged 6 weeks later and married 5 months after that. This year we celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary.

IAmPrettyWisdomous · 24/10/2019 23:39

Also, it's lovely to hear all the positive stories on this thread, they are wonderful. Long may all of your marriages last and may they be filled with more happiness.

MadameJosephine · 24/10/2019 23:45

Who knows, it could go either way.

My parents married a month after they met when they were 18 and 23, next year they will have been married 50 years.

I married my XH within 6 months when I was 22 but we were divorced when I was 30.

CJsGoldfish · 24/10/2019 23:45

Yeah, more likely it will end in tears.
There are always those with the 'happy ending' stories but you can't compare people who got married 20, 30, 40 years ago. Besides, you've got to wonder how one has the knowledge and maturity to really know if something actually isn't right/healthy when it's all one knows.

I tend to think that anyone getting engaged at that age really doesn't have much else going on in their lives and/or really lacks maturity/common sense.