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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she will regret this?

130 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 24/10/2019 22:31

Friend of the family, 20 years old, boyfriend of 6 months proposed to her last night. Aibu to think it will end in tears or am I just cynical?

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 25/10/2019 09:44

I was engaged twice before I was 22. I didn't marry either of them.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 25/10/2019 09:46

I got engaged at 18 after 3 months dating, and married at 19.
Our marriage has survived and thrived over the 15, almost 16 years of being married. We've moved countries four times, bought and sold many homes, travelled with our wonderful 3 children - survived having twins when I was 20! In all that time, we have argued twice, one before we were married and once while married.

Can you guess what all my parent's and his parents friends all said to us when we got engaged? "you're far too young to know what you want" and "it'll never last" etc. Ironically, our marriage has outlasted most of theirs!
Some people just are lucky enough to meet and marry their best friend at an early age and know what they want. Some people are 50-something and they don't know what they want. There's nothing wrong with either, but please don't judge or be prejudice, let them live their lives and find their happiness and mistakes themselves x

CoffeeBeansGalore · 25/10/2019 09:46

I was 17 when I started dating my now dh who was 23. He proposed after 6 weeks. We were then engaged for 3 years before a very small wedding (more important to us to get a house than spend money on a huge wedding). We got the "you're too young/it won't last/etc". Still married after 28 years. No marriage/relationship is ever perfect but some do last, regardless of what age you meet.

Fatted · 25/10/2019 09:47

I've been with my DH since I was 21 and he was 19. Granted we didn't get engaged until after 3 years together. I'm 39 now!!

Ffsnosexallowed · 25/10/2019 09:48

We got engaged 3 months after we met, I was 19. We're still going strong over 25 years later...

ClientListQueen · 25/10/2019 09:50

My parents were engaged 6 weeks after their first date. Married 45 years so far

ControversialFerret · 25/10/2019 09:55

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. People grow and change throughout their lives - not just in their early 20s.

Met DH at 18, engaged when I was 23 and married at 26. Now 41 and still happily together, although I swear I'd love him more if he stopped snoring like a wounded rhino...

Bellringer · 25/10/2019 09:57

Her life, her choice. Not your problem.

BitOfANameChange · 25/10/2019 09:59

People are all different. This couple could marry and last, or could end up like me. I met ex at 18, and we were together for 30bish years, although not married. I left, finally, when I realised I was being abused and so were the DC. I was so naive and vulnerable when I met him, it's so clear looking back.

And there are all sorts of possibilities in between these two sides.

Tableclothing · 25/10/2019 10:03

"All you can do is find someone you like and roll the dice." - Ron Swanson

I have a friend whose parents got engaged after a fortnight aged 20, and will be celebrating their 50th anniversary in a couple of years. AFAIK they're happy. The friend herself married in her 30s, having been in a relationship for 4 years, and it sadly didn't work out.

I wouldn't feel comfortable getting engaged so soon, but people are different.

PenelopeFlintstone · 25/10/2019 10:08

I met my DH in July. I went abroad from September to December. Came back in January. Married in June. That was nineteen years ago and still happy.

GooodMythicalMorning · 25/10/2019 10:08

That was me, 14 years on we're still good!

GabriellaMontez · 25/10/2019 10:10

Is it any more likely to fail than at any others age?

BrokenWing · 25/10/2019 10:13

She is an adult, at 20 old enough to make her own decisions.

They could split before/after they are engaged, before/after they are married and before/after they have kids and it will end with tears for someone whatever stage they are at, or they might stay together for the duration.

You can either be someone in life who is pessimistic, a doom-monger and show no respect for their decision as adults, or be genuinely happy for them and support them. Your choice.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 25/10/2019 10:15

I was 20 when I started dating my husband. Two weeks later we got engaged and married 6 months after that. We've been married for nearly 26 years now and have four children together.
A lot of people were quite open about thinking our relationship wouldn't last, but we didn't care then and we don't care now.

HappyHarlot · 25/10/2019 10:15

I got engaged at 20 after just 6 weeks. We recently celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

My in-laws have been a couple since the age of 14. They're nearly 80 now.

Justsocross · 25/10/2019 10:16

I Was dating my husband to be forOnly 5 months before we married !!! 30 years later we are still happily together with 4 children so it can work . None of our friends thought it would last ha

TarMcAdam · 25/10/2019 10:17

About 3 years ago I was in work and a very lovely elderly gent was buying a bunch of roses. In general conversation I remarked they were nice and his exact words were. Its out wedding anniversary. We met on VE day married exactly 1 year later and every year I buy her roses. She is in a nursing home now and doesn't know me but she is still my wife and its still our anniversary.
So yes it can work out.

That generation is night & day to this generation.

60 yr marriages are common in that generation. What percentage of people stay married for 60 yrs now, do you think?

Kirbs1979 · 25/10/2019 10:21

Maybe, maybe not. My parents were 19 when they met, had been together 5/6 months when my mum got pregnant, married 4 months after that. They were still together 30 years later and still probably would be if my mum hadn't passed away.

mantlepiece · 25/10/2019 10:24

I was 24 when I met DH. Met in the July, engaged at Christmas and married the following Summer. Still married 40 years later.

sophiestew · 25/10/2019 10:25

I don't understand - why do you think it will end badly?

She is 20, not 12.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 25/10/2019 10:30

Although we weren’t “officially” engaged I agreed to marry my boyfriend of 4 months or so at age 18 and we started looking for a house to buy. We’d been together less than a year when we bought a house and then I got a ring etc. Both in our fifties now, still married, still happy.

BlingLoving · 25/10/2019 10:32

Even if the marriage doesn't last, I can no longer get upset about people getting married young. There are a lot of benefits financially to a young couple getting married and while I like to think marriage is forever, the truth is that it can be dismantled if necessary.

dayslikethese1 · 25/10/2019 10:33

They're only getting engaged, not married yet so I wouldn't panic. And it's up to them obviously.

I don't think age has anything to do with it tbh, some people are very mature at a young age and in some ways it's easier to be together from a young age as you can grow together and get less set in your ways. Me and DP have been together since 23 (nearly 10 years now). So it's not age or length of time imo that are the important factors, it's whether there's a fundamental compatibility there and whether they've discussed what they want out of life (kids, travel etc?) and it's mainly aligned or they're willing to compromise both ways.

dayslikethese1 · 25/10/2019 10:36

I know someone who's been engaged about 6 years though with no signs of marriage so I tend to take engagement announcements with a pinch of salt.